The Home Without A Heart
by Eleture
Summary: Eli stalks Blaine and in the aftermath of the most traumatic event of his life, Blaine finds himself alone, convinced it's all his fault. Blangst. So much Blangst. Spoilers 4.04. NonCon. Stalking.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary: **Eli stalks Blaine and in the aftermath of the most traumatic event of his life, Blaine finds himself alone, convinced it's all his fault. Blangst. So much Blangst. Spoilers 4.04. NonCon. Stalking.

**TRIGGER WARNING: The following work of fiction contains discussions, references to or EXPLICIT depiction of: sexual harassment and assault, drug use (date rape), stalking, self-harm, rape, child neglect, homophobia, depression, anxiety, violence, bullying, coarse language, suicide, internalised self-hatred. **

**IF IN DOUBT: CHICKEN OUT.**

**The Home Without A Heart**

It had to stop. It'd been six weeks since Kurt left and five since Eli started calling. A chance meeting in the Lima Bean and suddenly he'd had more missed calls than he knew how to count.

At first, it had just been silly little things, and he'd responded.

_He was an idiot. _

Then it was different, drunken messages asking, begging for him to come over. A voicemail telling him Kurt could never _appreciate _him they way Eli could.

He'd ignored them after that, because Kurt was more than everything. Kurt was all Blaine needed, and yeh, maybe he was a little busy right now but that didn't mean Kurt doesn't care.

He slips into the choir room after classes on Wednesday, settling into his usual chair at the back.

"Hey Blaine," Marley says as she sits opposite him, and he offers her a weak smile because his phone is vibrating in his hand again. It's not Kurt. He knows that because Kurt had already messaged him saying he was shutting his phone off to concentrate on work. "Are you alright?"

His mind is dragged back to the brunette; she's watching him with wide eyes. He hits ignore on the cell and smiles brightly, "Yeh, course. How was English?" He knows she's been nervous about performing a soliloquy from Hamlet for her assignment.

She brightens and launches into quiet small talk about the people in her grade. If she notices him hitting ignore as soon as his phone starts vibrating again, she doesn't say anything.

Blaine is glad, because he doesn't want to explain.

OoOoOoOoO

Sam invites him to play COD with him and Artie over the weekend. Blaine is debating the merits of the red-dot sight as he sets up; borrowing Finn's upgrades because he doesn't wanted to start from the beginning when his phone beeps.

"Put it on silent before the game starts, dude." Sam warns, "I will not be impressed if my perfect kill-streak is ruined by distractions."

"Sorry," Blaine mumbles as he digs it out of his pocket.

_Eli. C. [Sat. 3.36pm]: Come over babe. I want you so bad. _

He shuts the phone off before the accompanying photo can download.

"Perfect? Oh _puh_-lease." Artie challenges, because he has a sniper trained on Sam's player's unsuspecting head.

Blaine isn't screen-cheating; he just can't stare at it without wondering what Eli has sent so his eyes wander. Was it another photo of Blaine's room, bed unmade from this morning? A picture of Sam's house just because Eli wants him to know that he's close by? A photo of _Eli, _lips parted in pleasure?

It's distracting, because he doesn't want to look, but his imagination – the not knowing – makes it hard to do much else.

Sam and Artie don't say anything if they notice his worse-than-usual game-play and his total inability to be of any use during the multi-player campaigns.

Blaine is relived, because he doesn't know how he'd even begin to explain.

OoOoOoOoO

He is just leaving Sam's place just as Puck is waltzing in talking about an amazing chick he's _courting_ and his younger brother. They meet on the stairs outside and exchange polite greetings and Blaine tells him he has to go.

He listens to all fourteen voicemail messages as he walks back to his car. Each one is static, or breathing, his ears strain to hear whispers over the speakers: "_Call me back" _and "_I love you". _

One of them is nothing but a piano playing a sweet, soft tune. If Kurt had sent it, Blaine would have smiled for days.

As it is, he stumbles to his car and pulls the door open with more force than he means. His phone buzzes in his hand as he pulls the door shut again.

_Eli. C [Sat. 7.09pm]: You look so beautiful in the moonlight._

His hand slams down on the side of the door before he remembers that he has already locked them, he always does these days. He contorts in the chair to check the back-seat, it hurts his back but he makes sure he sees every inch before he reaches for his seatbelt.

_He misses Kurt. _

So badly that he can't even find the words.

He calls him because he just needs to hear his voice.

"_Hey, you've reached Kurt Hummel; leave a message at the tone!" _

"Kurt – hi?" He takes a steadying breath, "I guess you're still at work, but I just wanted to talk. Um...yeh, so Skype date soon? I love you."

His hands find the steering wheel and his grip is tightening. Taking a deep breath he reaches for his phone on instinct when it buzzes again.

_Eli. C [Sat. 7.16pm]: You'd look better if you were crying my name. _

It might be a co-incidence. There's nothing to say it's not a follow-up from the last text, and sometimes Eli just sends things like that. It doesn't mean anything.

Blaine hadn't even noticed he was crying, chest heaving with sobs that were sucking the air out of his lungs and filling them with emptiness. A void.

He needs Kurt.

Kurt doesn't call back that night.

Blaine doesn't mind though, because he suspects it would only make him cry harder.

OoOoOoOoO

In the end he can't take the calls anymore. The voicemails, the text messages, the emails, the letters.

The red and blue bowtie, folded and boxed, sitting on his pillow when he gets home is the real reason he breaks. It's got a little note on that says "_Call me babe"_ and he finds himself checking the closet and under the bed because Eli has been in _his _room and who's to say he ever left?

"Did someone come by to see me today?" He asks his mother over dinner and she fixes him with a baffled stare, like she's surprised he's even there.

"Why would anyone do that?"

It's a question Blaine has asked himself before, and it's becoming increasingly apparent that no one apart from Eli does.

His mother says nothing when he mumbles an apology and shoves his untouched plate into the fridge for later.

Blaine isn't surprised, but he wishes he were.

OoOoOoOoO

He's pretty sure Eli isn't breaking any laws so he decides that the only way he's getting out of this situation is to deal with it himself. He agrees to meet him for coffee.

_He's an idiot. _

Eli is waiting for him with a Medium Drip and a smile, stretched wide, baring gleaming white teeth.

"Hey, babe." He says, then he hugs Blaine and it's strangely tender for a hug that makes Blaine's skin crawl.

"You have to stop calling me." Blaine says, he fixes Eli with the best frown.

"Why?" Eli's smile drops, his eyebrows pinch together, "we're meant to be, babe." He pushes the coffee towards Blaine and Blaine takes it because his hands are shaking and he doesn't know what else to do.

"No, I'm with Kurt."

"You're here aren't you?" Eli leans forward and Blaine takes a sip of the coffee to calm himself, his mouth is dry and it tastes bitter because he knows Eli is right.

"This isn't a date."

"Are you sure, you agreed to meet me alone, we're drinking coffee in a cute little shop," Eli gestures to the cafe around them, "and we both know this is more than friends meeting each other." Eli's grin only widens when Blaine returns to drinking coffee because he needs a moment to think.

_Oh God, Eli is right. Is he _cheating _on Kurt right now? _

No, he loves Kurt.

"This isn't anything. You are nothing to me." Blaine insists, he skulls the coffee. He can't be here anymore. He shoots out of his chair and pauses long enough to say with false bravado, "Stop or I will make you."

He makes it to his car before the world starts to tilt dangerously. He can't get the keys out of his pocket and suddenly he's dry retching, hunched over the curb.

It's only as he falls backwards that he realises something isn't right. _Kurt isn't here to take care of him. _

Then he's crying again, because apparently that's all he's good for these days. Why would Kurt even want to take care of him? He barely talks to him and when he does he never comments on the way Blaine's face is pale, or the slight tremble in his lips when his phone rings. Kurt did notice it was ringing though.

Blaine had lied to Kurt, he said it was Artie, or Sam or Wes or someone.

_God, he's been cheating on Kurt. _

He sits heavily on the curb, clutching at his phone but he doesn't get around to calling Kurt with his confession, because someone is gently prying the phone from his hands.

"Wha-?" He asks dumbly, but they are gathering him in their arms and dragging him into the backseat of a car. The rumble of the engine lulls him to sleep.

He doesn't know if anyone in the cafe tries to help him, but it doesn't matter.

Blaine wants to hate them for it, but a part of him knows he deserves this.

OoOoOoOoO

He wakes up in a hotel room and he doesn't remember how he got here. His phone is lying on the pillow beside him, so he reaches over and looks at the time. _7.15am. _

No missed calls. No messages.

He smiles a little, because he feels strangely free. Eli hasn't – _Eli. _

He tries to sit up but the world spins and there's a stabbing pain deep below his stomach. He doesn't want to move but he can't help vomiting over the side of the bed.

What happened?

He somehow manages to pull himself up from the bed and stumbles to the bathroom; his clothes are neatly piled on the toilet lid.

He bypasses them because he can't look in the mirror right now. Instead he pulls the shower curtain open and turns the hot water tap up as far as it will go. The pipes wail against the sudden demand but water shoots out of the shower-head with a steamy vengeance.

He slides to the floor and sits there until his skin has been rubbed raw and the agonising stabbing pain in his lower half has dulled compared to the searing pain on his skin.

The Motel Manager doesn't say anything when he comes to kick Blaine out of the room and finds him soaking wet but fully clothed, moving like a zombie. Instead he watches as Blaine picks up his wallet and car keys and stares dumbfounded at his car sitting in the lot outside.

The Manager just watches as Blaine slides unsteadily into the front seat and finds the post-it note on the dash.

"_Thanks babe. Xx"_

The couple across the lot don't say anything when he lets out a loud sob, but they shoot him confused looks.

Blaine sits there staring at the note. He wonders what he should do. Hands shaking, he brings up the internet app on his phone and books tickets to New York.

He had never needed Kurt more than now.

OoOoOoO

At the last minute it's really hard to get flights between Toldeo, Ohio and New York. Blaine isn't even sure if there are direct flights because he doesn't have time to scour the internet for a better option. In the end, it takes four and a half hours to get from Kurt back to his own personal hell, via Chicago.

Blaine almost wishes it had taken longer, regrets the stupid decision not to make the ten hour drive from Lima just so he wouldn't miss classes on Monday. He knows he's not going anyway. What's the point?

The flight has left him too long with his thoughts, and he's been sitting for hours, cramped and uncomfortable. His hair is messy, borderline greasy. His skin is crawling and all he wants to do is curl up in bed. The flight attendant flashes him a bright smile as he steps off the plane. He offers a slight grimace that makes her falter for a moment before he turns to the bathrooms.

The light flickers on as he walks in and stands in front of the sink. He doesn't need to look at himself to know he's a wreck.

_You're a mess. _A voice whispers in his mind and his flinches as if his shoulder can force it away. _It's adorable. _

He shakes his head. God, where had that thought come from? He splashes water on his face but it doesn't help, he can still feel the hot breath at his cheek. He pumps the soap dispenser and rubs his hands, tries to wash that sweet voice away.

He doesn't need to think about that, right now, doesn't need to think about anything. He doesn't need to think about Eli, not right now.

He shuts the tap off and regrets using his newly cleaned hands because the cold metal makes him feel dirty all over again. The thought of Eli compels him to check his phone. It's been off since he'd made it to Kurt's place, just over twenty-four hours ago. He pulled the phone from his bag carefully walking back to his car.

_34 Missed Calls. _

Blaine's finger hovers over the delete button, but for some reason he doesn't do it. He takes a deep breath. He thinks about ignoring the voicemails for now, knows they'll be hard to listen to, but he can't. He has to know, has to know what is happening so he can react. The unknown is much worse, isn't it?

The first message is a piano melody; he listens to the whole three minutes before the next message plays. Rustling, then nothing, greets his ears. It is nothing, but Blaine knows it is everything. He slids into the car as the next message plays, it sounds like the phone was pressed against a badly tuned radio, he can't make the song out in the ten seconds he has to hear it, but his mind pulls the lyrics "_Love you forever" _from somewhere and the words leave him oddly empty.

It's the fourth call that makes the phone slip from his fingers, it's almost impossible to hear, but there's a faint male voice whispering out from the speaker, into his ear: _"Blaine, baby, call me back." _

He doesn't bother picking the cell up again. Instead, his fingers wander to his left and press against the car door. It's locked. _You knew that, Blaine. _He reminds himself, because he remembers snapping the lock down the second he'd slid into the seat. Twisting in his seat he checks the back seat. It stares innocently back, empty.

He knows he should be feeling more because Kurt won't look at him and Eli won't stop, but all he can think is that there really should be more noise in this stupid car park so he can't hear his own self-loathing.

He is alone. _God, he is fucking alone. _

He takes a calming breath but it's too late for that. Tears are sliding down his face and he's descending into all out shuddering sobs. He presses his forehead to the steering wheel, hands gripping it tightly.

The slamming of a car door jerks him upright, panting. Heart thundering in his chest he tracks the woman's progress across the concrete before wiping his eyes. Across the lot a man climbs into a non-descript van and starts its engine, pausing to arrange something in the passenger seat.

The car is hot, Blaine realises fidgeting at his collar. He can't breathe like this. Restless, he clutches at the keys and shoves them in the ignition. He holds his breath for a moment as the van shuts-off, its driver wrenches the door open and pulls something off the windscreen.

"Stop it," The teenager scolds himself and he hesitantly twists the key. "Just stop."

He pulls out, one eye still on the van as it restarts and pulls out behind him a heartbeat later. He is an hour from Westerville, but suddenly that feels like days.

He almost cries with relief when the van pulls away to the North. He is alone. There's no one there. Relief sweeps through him.

He is alone.

Fuck.

He is_ alone. _

OoOoOoOoO

Kurt has changed his relationship status by the time Blaine gets home, and whilst Kurt's wall is covered in messages of support, Blaine only has one.

_Tina Cohen-Chang: Coffee tomorrow? _

He wonders if she cares or if she just wants the gossip and then has to scold himself because Tina is too kind-hearted to even try to use him like that.

Not that he wouldn't deserve it. He sends her a text saying he'd love to meet up but he has an English essay to work on. He wants her to know first, because he doesn't want to see the smile die on her face when he admits that he cheated on Kurt.

He's still stiff when he walks into school the following morning, there's a lingering pain everywhere that he can't scrub away. One of the jocks shoves him into the lockers before he can even make it to the first class. The pain is refreshing.

It reminds him he's alive.

"Go die, homo." Someone hisses as he makes it to the door.

He doesn't really know how to react. Everyone in the room hears the slur, but Mr. Schue doesn't say anything and Blaine knows they're all thinking it, too.

OoOoOoO

Artie is the first to pull him to the side on Monday morning and a part of his breaks with relief because this weight is getting too much to bear. He needs to tell someone.

"What were you thinking?" Artie hisses.

"I..." He doesn't even know where the sentence was going to when it trails off.

"Kurt deserves better than that," Artie says with soft eyes, "what happened?" He's not being horrible, really, the boy in the wheelchair pats Blaine's arm and offers to set up a Halo tournament because COD clearly isn't Blaine's calling. Then Artie laughs at the unintended pun. "Call of Duty isn't your _calling!" _

Blaine smiles along with him but all he hears is "Kurt deserves better than that" and for some reason it sounds an awful lot like _Kurt deserves better than you. _

OoOoOoOoO

"Heard you are a single man?" Kitty's smile is wider than the Cheshire Cat's.

"Hi Kitty," he's tired, and he hurts and he just wants to go home.

"I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry to hear that."

She reaches out to grasp his shoulder gently and Blaine can't hide the surprise on his face. "Thanks?"

"It's a pity you lost the only person who would ever think about dating you so young in life." She brightens, "It's so sad that no one will ever want you again. Maybe you can start a cat collection?"

Blaine doesn't deny it. Even he doesn't want him anymore.

OoOoOoOoO

He gets home and calls Kurt, because he just needs to tell him, to explain. It rings twice before it diverts to voicemail. He knows Kurt hit 'ignore'.

He tries three times before he gives up. Instead he sets down his bag and opens his laptop to actually work on that English essay. It's quiet.

He can't string together more than sixteen words before he gives up. It's too much to ask, making him think like this.

Instead he goes down to dinner and finds his father holding a bag of Thai food from the store down the street. "Your mother's at the Book Club tonight," he says without looking at Blaine, "so I got dinner out."

Blaine takes the bag quietly, and tries not to show his father his puffy eyes. He sits at the table morosely.

"Would you stop slouching?" His father barks, "It makes you look broken."

Broken.

He stops slouching, but it doesn't fix anything.

OoOoOoO

In the end he sits at the table until his father excuses him. He wonders if he should have eaten anything, because he can't remember the last time he did. Instead he goes upstairs and tries calling Kurt again.

Kurt doesn't even let it ring once before it diverts to voicemail. Blaine opens his messages and wonders who he can text.

_To: Tina CC. [Mon. 8.32pm]: Hey, coffee tomorrow?_

The phone buzzes a moment later,

_Tina CC [Mon. 8.33pm]: Sorry Blaine, Glee Club thing in morning. Check FB – u should be there! :-)_

He deflates. He wants to talk, but he suddenly realises that there's not really anyone to talk to. Why would there be?

He cheated on Kurt.

He deserved it.

He opens the Facebook message from Sam.

_Hi guys I noticed Brit and Finn have been really down about Santana and Rach. Anyone want 2 meet early 2moro to plan a feel better soon song or sumthing?_

Why did Blaine even get invited, he wonders? Surely Finn wouldn't want to look at the man – boy - who broke Kurt's heart.

He doesn't deserve to be invited.

Blaine pushes away from the desk. Mechanically, he picks up the clean laundry his mother has left on the foot of his bed and dumps it to the floor.

A bowtie tumbles out of the pile. It's red and blue and folded neatly, just like it was when Eli broke into his room to leave it here.

Blaine can't be in the room anymore.

Kurt was his everything, and he gave it away for _Eli. _

Blaine can't _be _anymore.

OoOoOoOoO

The pain pills from the Sadie Hawkins are still there, stashed beside the ones from the 'Slushy Incident'. Two bottles almost full because he never really liked the effect they had on him.

He counts out forty-seven pills in total.

He fills his waterglass in the kitchen; his father doesn't even look up from the conference call he's set up at the table.

It takes four minutes and thirty-seven seconds to down them all.

The moment he finishes he feels empty. It was supposed to happen faster than this.

He uses the time to send Kurt one last text message, which then becomes two.

_To Kurt Hummel 3 [Mon. 9.58pm]: I'm so sorry._

_To Kurt Hummel 3 [Mon. 9.58pm]: I won't live without you. _

Then he sits down to wait.

He lies down and quietly the darkness slips over him, enveloping him in safe arms. It's not like the last time he passed out, this time arms aren't dragging him away. This time he knows he won't wake to the worst realisation of his life.

The pain fades before the world does and it's the most _comforting _thing Blaine can ever remember happening.

OoOoOoOoO

It's the blasting of Teenage Dream, over and over and over again that makes Christian Anderson excuse himself from his business call and jog upstairs ready to tell his son to answer his phone.

"Blaine, put it on silent if-!" His legs give out before his brain can process the image of his son, curled up against the wall.

Some boy's face keeps lighting up on the Blaine's cell, but that's not worries him.

The empty water glass beside the pill bottles leaves him shaking.

"Blaine?" He shakes his son gently. "Blaine, you gotta wake up now."

He reminds himself to breathe.

"Blaine?"

_Breathe. _

He uses his son's cell to dial for help and barks out the address twice.

"Blaine, what have you done?" He asks.

He doesn't realise that this response is one reason among many that his son is here.

He asked what his son has done, not _why. _

_Never why. _

- TBC -

_Also, if you're on Tumblr, I am too, username is the same: eleture  
_


	2. Chapter 2

Summary: Eli stalks Blaine and in the aftermath of the most traumatic event of his life, Blaine finds himself alone, convinced it's all his fault. Blangst. So much Blangst. Part (2/?).

Trigger Warnings: sexual harassment and assault, drug use (date rape), stalking, self-harm, rape, child neglect, homophobia, depression, anxiety, violence, bullying, coarse language, (attempted) suicide, internalised self-hatred.

**Author's Note: **Wow. The Glee fandom has kind-of absolutely gobsmacked me by being so genuinely supportive and responsive to me throwing a fic out there and I've never felt so instantly welcomed. I got a few demanding _encouraging _notes asking for a sequel. Somehow a plot appeared in my head and this turned into a multi-chaptered plot. So here's part two. Thank you so much for giving me a chance!

**The Home Without A Heart (Part 2/?)**

_Kurt Hummel is a lot of things. He is gay. Yes, and that's the first thing most people notice about him, but it isn't who he was. _

_He's Kurt, and all the things that entails: fashionista, heart-healthy chef, part-time bitch, hopeless romantic, performer, and friend. He liked to think he was more than the sum of his parts, but as the day wears on, he realises it was Blaine that made him that way. _

_He feels so foolish, for loving the man who'd cheated on him, because it hurts, more than anything, and yet somehow it manages to make him feel empty at the same time. _

_He goes to the bakery after Blaine leaves and comes home, arms full of cake because a break-up is rapidly becoming a recipe for a break-out and he doesn't even care. _

_It's fifteen minutes later that he sets the packages on the coffee table. Curling into himself on the floor he lets himself feel. _

_His misses Blaine. So much. His heart is pounding and filling up his chest, shattering and repairing only to break again. _

_It is over. _

_He's desperate to feel something that isn't this crushing despair. With a shuddering breath he pulls himself together. _

_He is Kurt Hummel, and Kurt Hummel breaks for no man. _

_So he wipes his tears, brushes Rachel's concerned glances away and despite that he slides into bed and realises he's inadvertently cuddled into the pillow that Blaine used last night. _

_It smells of him. _

_Kurt can't help it though; he snuggles into it and pretends, just for one night, that Blaine had loved him enough not to leave him. That he had been enough for the love of his life. _

_When he wakes up with tears in his eyes he curses Blaine Anderson to the Hell he doesn't believe in. He loves Blaine. He hates him. _

_He cries into the waffles Rachel made him and together they curled into the blankets on her bed and swear themselves off men for the next...for forever. _

_He calls into work sick and regrets it by nine o'clock because now all he as to do is go through his apartment systematically pulling the photos of Blaine down and shoving them in a pile on the floor. Rachel trails behind him with an open container of Ben and Jerry's and two spoons. When it gets too hard for him to look at the idiot he'd been, trusting Blaine and looking at him with love, she takes the photos from his hands and replaces them with a spoon. _

_He's not crying anymore because he's angry, so angry at Blaine for doing this to him and then she's not crying anymore because she's angry at Finn for acting like he had to take care of her. _

"_I'm a grown woman!" She repeats angrily, and Kurt agrees. Finn had no right. Blaine had no right. _

_It doesn't make them miss those boys any less, Kurt suspects, but they both feel better for it. _

_Blaine calls at random intervals during the day and Kurt just hits ignore. What else is there to say? _

_He checks his phone at 10.06pm and his heart stops because he's missed two texts from Blaine. _

_From: Blaine [Mon. 9.58pm]: I'm so sorry._

_From: Blaine [Mon. 9.58pm]: I won't live without you. _

_Then he starts calling Blaine. He knows Blaine is doing something stupid right now because he knows Blaine is always so careful and put together. _

_He said "won't" not "can't" and the distinction is enough to know. _

_He makes Rachel call Brody for help and then sets up a chain of phone calls that ends in tears. _

OoOoOoOoO

_Christian Anderson manoeuvres the limp body to lie flat on the floor. _

"_Please be breathing, please be-!" He presses his head against the chest and feels the slowly thump of a heartbeat. His little boy doesn't respond. _

_Christian reaches up to touch his cheek, he doesn't know what to do except cry and hope the paramedics are better at his job than he is. _

_What will people think of his son now? _

_Blaine's eyes are closed, but his face looks so peaceful that Christian pretends he's just sleeping until the paramedics arrive in a chaotic whirl of red and blue and shouting and heavy boots across the floor. _

_He hears the word "Cardiac Arrest" but he doesn't take them up on the offer to ride in the ambulance. He's not sure he can look at Blaine's limp body and know he might be dying. _

_It takes fifteen minutes for him to stop staring at the place Blaine had been. His son's cell has started blasting 'Teenage Dream' again, maybe it never stopped, and the house phone is ringing too. He wonders who's so desperate to speak with him and then realises they probably want to speak to Blaine. _

_He rights the waterglass that got knocked with all the fuss and then carefully folds all of Blaine's laundry and puts it away. _

_He walks downstairs to find the front door has been thoughtfully closed, but dirt from the garden has been trailed onto the welcome mat by the paramedics. _

_All he can think is that Yvette will be so upset about that when she gets home. _

_She just had it cleaned. _

_He lowers himself to sit at the bottom of the staircase and wonders when Blaine will wake up. It's not even a consideration that Blaine might be dying. The twin ringtones blare on somewhere, the ungodly cacophony that plays the soundtrack to his horror. _

_He sits there until the door bursts open with force that surprises him, bangs off the wall with a shuddering thud and almost bounces back to its original place but for the hand that stops it. _

"_BLAINE!?" The voice echoes in the foyer before hurried footsteps lead into the hallway. _

_There's a man in coveralls thundering up to him and he can't make his mouth form words. Instead he starts to cry and the stranger shakes him until he can whisper that Blaine is at the hospital and maybe he's not going to wake up and – Oh God! Why was he still here? _

_Burt Hummel drives him to the Hospital in a beat-up truck that smells like grease and Christian Anderson finally learns that Blaine had a boyfriend, and that he doesn't have one anymore. _

OoOoOoOoO

_Burt Hummel wants to hit something or someone. Preferably Blaine's father: who spent seventeen of the twenty-five minutes it took to drive to the hospital recommending an amazing car detailer who'll fix his "old piece of junk" up in no time. _

_He's angry because he doesn't really understand what's happening, except that he got a frantic call from some guy called Brody who apparently is friends with Rachel about an hour ago. "You need to find Blaine," the kid had insisted, "Kurt says he's hurt and maybe he needs help. Would you go to his house?"_

_Burt asks why Kurt isn't calling but apparently he's redialling Blaine's cell over and over and over and he can hear him crying in the background. Rachel is trying the Anderson home line with her cell phone. He's not sure why all of these kids are on the phone, but he trusts his boy and so he shouts to Carole that he has to go and drives to Blaine's house at speeds that wouldn't be considered safe. _

_He finds Christian sitting there calmly like Blaine is just late home from school and his heart wants to break because no matter how much he wanted to snap Blaine's legs last night when he got that barely consolable call from his son he doesn't want this for him. _

_He calls Kurt the second he gets to the hospital when they're informed Blaine's stomach is being pumped and he's been resuscitated three times already. _

_Things don't look good so he says he doesn't know anything. _

_He offers to pay for Kurt to fly home. _

"_He did this," Kurt says, "We're over, I can't...I just can't do this right now. Let me...let me know if he-he – just let me know."_

_Kurt hangs up on him for the first time since he left for New York and Burt, feeling thoroughly useless, offers to stay with Christian. _

_The other man stares at him for a second and then shakes his head. _

_Burt goes home to Carole and neither of them sleeps at all. _

OoOoOoOoO

Blaine drifts to consciousness and is immediately disappointed because he's pretty sure he's not dead. Someone is clutching his hand and his eyes try to focus on the blurry image. He imagines his father there, instead of this imposter, hunched over their clasped hands and crying.

"Blaine?" The imposter moves, shifts and the world shifts with him, "Thank God. Oh, God. Thank you, thank you, stay awake."

Blaine lets his eyes drift shut; he ignores the man's begging.

_Please stay with me. _

He sinks further into the darkness and the voice follows him.

_Don't leave me again, son. _

OoOoOoOoO

The next thing he's aware of is a woman standing over him; she's shining a light in his eyes and asking questions he can't hear over the rushing in his ears.

Then all of a sudden there's silence around him and he realises she's waiting for him to respond.

"Where?" He whispers, his eyes track back to his hand and he remembers the man clutching him like he mattered. His heart sinks a little when there's no one there because he doesn't.

"You're in the hospital Blaine." The woman says calmly, "Do you remember what happened?"

"I found the bowtie." He doesn't know why he's telling her this, because it doesn't make sense to share that kind of information with a stranger, but she has these warm eyes and she's smoothing his covers and if he closes his eyes he can pretend she's the mother he always wanted.

"The bowtie?" She asks gently, and though she sounds confused Blaine lets the comfort of her hand at his wrist lull him, the touch anchors his floating mind.

"Eli left it." He tells her, "I didn't want him to, I didn't _want him. _He made me but – I swear I didn't, I tried to make him stop..."

She puts his wrist down and it's cold again. Blaine hates it because he just told her how broken and stupid he was and she let him go. He was used now, dirtied. Who would want him?

Her hands settle on both his shoulders and she gives them a tight squeeze. "Blaine?"

He draws his eyes up to hers and tries not to drift off to sleep.

"It'll be okay." She sounds like she means that.

He hasn't realised how long he's waited to hear it, even though he knows it's not true. The pressure builds up and then he's crying into his pillow.

The woman smiles sadly and waits with him until he slides back into the darkness. When he wakes up again she's not there and he wonders if he's so desperate for comfort that he's imagining people.

It's the saddest thought he's had in a while.

OoOoOoOoO

His parents don't show up until the late evening, and by then Blaine has already acquainted himself with Jared, the guy who's there to make sure he doesn't use his sheets to hang himself or something.

Jared is kind-of nice, Blaine has decided, because who would want to sit with broken people all day when no one can fix them?

Jared hasn't said much, mostly they sit in silence or Blaine sleeps. Blaine hasn't asked him to leave because he has no right to ask anything from anyone and Jared seems sort of comfortable, slouched in that chair and smiling at him like there's nothing wrong in the world.

His father comes into the room alone. He's wearing a grey suit, but it's missing the tie and that alone makes Blaine wonder what apocalypse is happening in the outside world.

"You're awake." He says, as he sits down on the bed and brushes his hand over Blaine's.

Blaine doesn't speak; he just watches this put-together man struggle on the edge of something. Christian smooths Blaine's hair away from his forehead and presses a tender kiss there.

"I was so worried." His father whispers into his curls, "I'm so sorry I didn't see you hurting."

Blaine's not sure how he ends up wrapped in the strong arms that haven't touched him for years but he melts into it and wonders at his father's tenderness.

He stays there, content that Jared is at least pretending not to watch them fall to pieces until his mother walks in the door.

"Oh you're awake, Blaine." She says as she sits stiffly in the chair beside Jared's. It's oddly distant compared to his father, who has a hand is tangled in his curls. "You won't believe the day I've had," she tells Jared conversationally, "Marcia actually wanted to use pink floral arrangements for the tea on Sunday and I've had to spend the whole day trying to direct the new receptionist, she's quite useless."

There's an awkward silence in the room until Christian speaks softly, "Where have you been all evening, Yvette?"

"The ladies at the club had an early meal." She says with a smile.

No one asks her why she thought that was more important than her son, and Blaine just ignores her.

He has one more parent today than he did yesterday, and that's more than enough right now.

OoOoOoOoO

"How am I still here?" Blaine asked his father quietly when his mother excuses herself to make a call.

Christian's fingers card through his hair again and Blaine wonders just how greasy it is because even though the orderlies and nurses have apparently tried to bathe him whilst he was unconscious he's pretty sure they couldn't have washed his hair properly. Kurt would horrified to hear he's not using sulphate-free products on his curls. _Kurt. _

Kurt would horrified with Blaine, period.

It makes Blaine hurt more deeply than he thinks he's ever hurt before.

"You sent a message to Kurt," His father's voice hitches and his hand stills in his hair, "he started calling your cell because he was worried. I heard it ringing."

_Kurt was worried about Blaine. _He hated himself for the jolt of pleasure that hit him. Kurt was a good person, just because he hated Blaine wouldn't mean he wanted him to die.

Christian is holding Blaine closer now, and Blaine hasn't the heart to push him away because the contact is what he's been craving all these years. A part of him wishes his skin wouldn't crawl anyway.

"Kurt?"

"We can talk about that later." His father soothes.

Blaine doesn't say anything because it hurts to breathe, let alone to talk.

OoOoOoOoO

The doctor comes back and Blaine thinks he remembers her from a dream, because she brushes her fingers along his arm gently before offering to explain his situation to him. His father hesitates, argues that Blaine is better not knowing all of this.

"Do you want to know, Blaine?" She looks him right in the eye and he nods because he trusts her to soften the blows even though they'll bruise him.

"I really don't-," Christian says, he's sitting back beside Jared, one hand lying on the bed holding Blaine's.

"We spoke about this earlier, Mister Anderson?" She hesitates, and they have some sort of unspoken conversation. Christian backs down and nods. Blaine wonders what gossip is lurking in the halls about poor useless Blaine, the kid who can't even die successfully.

"You swallowed a lot of pills on Monday night, Blaine." She says, and he nods because he remembers. It took for four minutes and thirty seven seconds for him to do. He remembers because the clock had been on the nightstand opposite him and counting had made him calm. "Your father found you maybe ten minutes after you sent the last text message to your friend."

_Friend _is a word Kurt wouldn't want to use. He won't even want to look at Blaine anymore. Blaine just nods and tunes out a story that involves some kid whose heart stopped three times and is now stuck on suicide watch. It's a sad story and he doesn't want to hear it.

OoOoOoOoO

He's not allowed his phone for the first seventy-two hours, and every minute that Eli isn't harassing him or reminding him that he broke Kurt's heart makes him stronger.

He feels dizzy, free, lighter.

The weight he hadn't noticed pulling and dragging him down is gone and he finally finds a way to breathe. He meets with a therapist as per hospital policy but the man doesn't look convinced when Blaine insists he's found air in his lungs for the first time in five weeks. He knows if he can just explain to Kurt, to find a way to make it up then Kurt will understand. Eli was a mistake Blaine didn't want to happen, but it has and Blaine will fix it.

He feels so good he doesn't care that his father is back to wearing a tie and even though he still touches his hands to remind himself they're warm they grow apart again now the "_crisis" _is over. Hi mother visits him every evening after her meal with the ladies at the country club. She tells him the asinine details of her day and never asks how he is.

He's not surprised. Swallowing forty-seven pills might be life-changing for him, but apparently flower arrangements are more scandalous for his mother.

That's why when she comes in on Wednesday night with a bouquet of flowers he allows himself to be oddly touched that she thought of him.

When she sets them down she passes him a note and says a friend dropped by but wasn't allowed in to see him because he's still on lockdown for his psychological health.

When she leaves he unfolds the note and promptly throws the flowers across the room where they explode in colourful chaos. Jared doesn't say anything; he just calls for them to be cleaned away and lets Blaine scream into the blankets for an hour or two before trying to get him to talk.

Blaine can't bring himself to rip the note, or throw it out but it makes him cry every time he sees it.

"_When you're free I'll be waiting, babe. Xx"_

OoOoOoOoO

He has over one hundred missed calls by the time they let him check his cell again. There are 48 from Kurt that start Monday night at 10.07pm and don't stop until 11.32pm. After that there's nothing from the one person he wants to talk to.

Then there's a few phone Glee Club members who his father has assured him don't know about this yet. Most of them are from Tina and Sam.

He sees the 69 missed calls from Eli and knows the other boy has counted them exactly for a reason.

There's a text message, too.

_From: Eli C. [Wed. 7.24am]: Guess what we'll do next time we're together? ;) _

- TBC -


	3. Chapter 3

Summary: Eli stalks Blaine and in the aftermath of the most traumatic event of his life, Blaine finds himself alone, convinced it's all his fault. Blangst. So much Blangst. Part (3/?).

Trigger Warnings: sexual harassment and assault, drug use (date rape), stalking, self-harm, rape, child neglect, homophobia, depression, anxiety, violence, bullying, coarse language, (attempted) suicide, internalised self-hatred.

**New warning: **(mild) graphic description of blood/basic first aid.

**Author's Note: **Kurt makes an appearance in this one. Just a quick note: no updates for at least a week, I'm holidaying for the next little whilst without internet. I'm not sure how I'll survive it, but I'll try to write when I have time!

**The Home Without A Heart (Part 3/?)**

They released him to his parents with a strong recommendation to seek counselling. His mother dismisses the idea with a wave of her hand, because she doesn't "want some stranger poking around in our affairs." His father looks uncomfortable and said they'll wait and see.

Blaine wonders what it is they're waiting for and what it is they're expecting to see but he's relieved not to have to tell a stranger about all his failings in life so he doesn't question it.

The doctor grasps his hand when he leaves and says she hopes he feels better soon. He can't decide if he finds the comment insensitive or comforting so he just nods and lets his parents bundle him into the car.

Leaving the hospital feels a bit like leaving a safe house. He can't help but look around for familiar faces but no one is there, so he clutches his phone tightly. He doesn't ask his father to lock the doors but he rests his hand on his for the whole drive – _just in case. _

He follows his mother into the house but stands at the bottom of the stairs until his father comes through before going upstairs and checking the wardrobe, under the bed and the bathroom off the side of his room for anything different.

Then he slips into bed and relishes the soft sheets he's missed for almost an entire week.

OoOoOoOoO

He wakes up at midday on Sunday feeling oddly numb.

Five missed calls. One text message:

_From: Eli. C. [Sat. 6.53pm]: Welcome home babe. I missed you. ;) _

OoOoOoOoO

He decides to get dressed, because then maybe he'll at least look human. It's a mistake looking in the top drawer of his dresser. Someone had shoved all his clean laundry into it randomly. It's all wrong. Socks are mixed with shirts; his pants are crumpled to the side.

Can't one thing just be_ right? _

He's broken and the system is broken and his _fucking_ clothes are impossible to find.

He rips the wooden drawer out fully, letting it fall to the floor with a thud. Clothes scatter everywhere and it's oddly satisfying.

"Blaine?" His father is at the door a moment later, "what are you doing?"

"Fixing it." He hisses and he pulls another drawer out. "It's wrong." The next drawer slams onto the floor and this time _bowties _come raining onto his feet. It's like a punch in the gut. The little red bowtie shines up at him.

"Blaine," his father sounds like he's approaching a wild animal, like he's not human. He's broken but he's still a person, isn't he? He just doesn't want that bowtie. He doesn't want _any _bowties.

He's pulling them all apart, hurling them at the bin. They sail a few feet and fall pathetically shy of it. Another reminder Eli can't be forgotten, can't be removed.

"_Fuck!"_ Blaine can't breathe, can't look at this mess anymore. Since where did her swear? He ignores his father and bodily shoves into his desk to let out his rage. The photo of him and Kurt wavers and falls to the ground. Glass shatters across the floor like the broken pieces of his life.

He's clutching at them and no matter how hard he tries to hold them together they don't fit together quite right. He's broken.

"Hey, it's alright, it's okay. We can clean it, come here. Blaine, son, it's alright, it's alright." Hands gently pull him away from the photo and draw him into a tight embrace.

"I broke it." He whispers, because he needs his father to understand, "I didn't want to." His breath hitches, "I didn't want to."

"I know." Christian Anderson uses his own shirt to wrap his son's fingers in and stem the tiny rivulets of blood where the glass has pricked his skin. Then they sit there as Blaine falls apart.

"It's alright, Blaine." He whispers into curly hair.

Blaine just cries harder, because it really isn't.

OoOoOoOoO

It's almost fifteen minutes later that Blaine awkwardly shuffles to the bathroom and lets his father run antiseptic across his fingers. Bandaids wrap around his skin shortly after and stop him from clenching his fists.

"Blaine?"

He doesn't look up from the floor. He's too confused.

"Blaine, I know we're not – that we don't," Christian settles in front of him and draws him in closely, "Blaine, I haven't been the best father."

"Haven't been the best son." Blaine mumbles. He hasn't really been the best at anything recently. He's certainly not been the best at hiding his emotions, which is why the shock plays on his face at his father's next statement.

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry?"

"About everything," Christian looks into his eyes, "I know I haven't been accepting."

Blaine can't help but snort at that comment, he's father made him build a car and set him up with _girls _after he came out. Denial was perhaps a more appropriate phrase.

"I didn't realise how far apart we were," his father continues, "work gets so- that's no excuse. I'm sorry, there's no excuse."

"Okay," Blaine says, and then lets his gaze return to the floor.

"I'm here now." Christian says, "So tell me if you need _anything. _I'll move the world for you Blaine. I just wish I'd told you that every day."

"I'm not dying." _That was a little bitter. _

"No, but you're hurting, and it kills me."

"I need to talk to Kurt." Blaine admits, he needs to explain. He'd promised himself he would fix this with Kurt or he'd die trying. The therapist at the hospital had tried pushed him to focus on things he could control and improve. His broken heart had to be one of them.

The other option was too much to think about.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Ok. I'll try, Blaine."

Blaine lets himself breathe again, for now.

OoOoOoOoO

_From: Eli C. [Sun. 7.52pm]: I need you. _

_From: Eli C. [Sun. 7.52pm]: Just think about it. _

_From: Eli C. [Sun. 7.53pm]: Us together. You were so good babe._

_From: Eli C. [Sun. 7.55pm]: I want to see your gorgeous eyes next time. _

_From Eli C. [Sun. 8.15pm]: Or not. We'll see. :)_

OoOoOoOoO

Blaine packs all his bowties into a box and shoves them in the back of his wardrobe. Except for one, which he folds carefully and then hides behind the dresser so he won't have to remember it's there.

He still thinks about it every time he looks that way.

OoOoOoOoO

His mother spends more time at the Club than she has. She comes home late with cheeks flushed from laughing and asks him to help fold invitations for fundraisers.

Then she picks up the phone and calls her parents and he pretends he doesn't exist.

His father comes and sits beside him, takes half of the pile and starts to help. They sit in silence until the pile dwindles.

Blaine tunes out the ringing of the phone. He's personalised Eli's call to a soft piano song to soothe his beating heart whenever he realises it's him. He picked one he'd never heard before from the online music store so he didn't ruin one of his favourite songs.

It makes his hands shake anyway.

"Aren't you going to answer?" His father asks.

"He'll call back later." Blaine shrugs and concentrates on folding the purple page in exactly half just the way his mother asked of him. The methodical movement settles him after he hits ignore.

The music starts again a moment later, so he just flicks it to silent.

"I'm sure they'd stop ringing if you answered?" His father prompts.

"He won't."

Christian doesn't mention it again and Blaine wishes he did because he's not sure how long he can hold this together alone.

OoOoOoOoO

His mother won't look him in the eye over breakfast and his father fusses that he isn't eating. Yvette tells him not to worry about washing the sheets; she'll put a load in the machine before she leaves for her pedicure.

She bustles upstairs and Blaine wonders if it's because he came in the room.

"Blaine, your phone keeps lighting up." She says and she comes back in, "It was on your dresser."

He looks at the tab, sees "_12 missed calls" _and then shuts it off. He slinks lower into his chair and wonders why they don't ask. He wants them to; even he's going to lie.

He supposes they don't care and then hates himself a little more, because his father keeps trying.

Christian will change his mind when he finds out his son his sleeps with random strangers who he meets in coffee shops. Blaine doesn't want him to know.

The thought leaves him scrubbing at his skin over the kitchen sink with his mother's industrial grade dishwashing liquid until the cuts on his hands sting and the skin is red. He feels better for a few minutes, but it doesn't last. He ends up sitting listlessly and resisting the urge to take another hot shower.

He doesn't see his father watching him.

OoOoOoOoO

His parents didn't mention school and he doesn't bring it up, so Monday afternoon ends with more phone calls. Tina is worried, she asks him if he has the flu and if he doesn't, why isn't he back yet?

He tells her he'll be fine, because that's what you're supposed to say.

"Can I come visit you maybe? We could watch _Singing in the Rain _and I can tell you about Mr. Shue's weird obsessions?"

"I don't want you to catch it too," he says, but what he means is _I can't deal with people right now. _Then he makes up a story about some virus and how he'll be back at school soon.

"Okay, we just miss you," her voice softens, "and we worry about you Blaine, so come back soon. The Glee club sort of flounders without you."

When she hangs up he smiles for a little while and the world feels brighter, he skips dinner in favour of watching _Gilmore Girls _and doesn't cry even if it is because he feels oddly numb.

OoOoOoOoO

He lies awake at night and listens to every creak of the house and tries not to think of them as footsteps on the wooden floors. It's late when he walks down to the kitchen.

The light of his father's office is on and he lingers at the door.

"He's self-destructing," His father's voice is tight and tugs at his heart a little. Blaine thought he'd been doing alright, "_Please, _I'm ready to try anything here. It's the only thing he's asked for."

There's a beat of silence, and Blaine imagines his father clutching his phone to his ear.

"No, I understand that." His father says. Blaine leans closer to the door. "I'll tell him. _Thank you." _

Blaine slips into the kitchen and retrieves the item he got out of bed for. He pulls all the curtains closed as he goes. He's not sure if it's because he doesn't want to see his dishevelled self reflected back at him or because he can't stand the thought of someone watching him without him knowing.

He slides it under his pillow and its cool touch comforts him.

He's safer now and that lets him sleep.

OoOoOoOoO

"Did you still want to speak with Kurt?"

"_Yes_." Blaine puts as much force as he can behind it.

"I spoke with him last night and he agreed to come down if that's what you need."

Blaine's heart is thumping but he nods because he'll do anything to see Kurt, beautiful, perfect, unblemished Kurt.

"But Blaine," his father's hands settle on his, "even though he's coming, maybe it's best that you two stay separated. It's a lot to deal with, all of this and even though Kurt cares for -,"

"I know." Blaine says quietly, he doesn't expect Kurt to love him or want him, who would? He's used now, damaged goods. Kurt deserves perfection. "I just have to explain, he has to understand. I can't let him hurt without knowing why."

"Don't give up though, Blaine."

He knows his father is talking about more than his relationship with Kurt.

OoOoOoOoO

_From: Eli C. [Tues. 6.11am]: You haven't left the house in a while._

_From: Eli C. [Tues. 7.15am]: Playing hard to get?_

_From: Eli C. [Tues. 7.32am]: That's ok. I like playing with you._

OoOoOoOoO

Blaine barely eats breakfast and what he does eat won't stay down.

OoOoOoOoO

He spends Friday night in a nervous state, he picks out clothes and tries them on to be sure he'll look good for Kurt come tomorrow morning. Then he looks in the mirror and sees the stupid boy who went to a coffee shop so he pulls the reversible sweater vest off and leaves his clothes scattered on the floor.

He can't pretend to be perfect anymore.

OoOoOoOoO

_From: Kurt Hummel [Sat. 10.07am]: Want to meet at Lima Bean or yours?_

He doesn't want his father listening so he sends back a text to meet at the Lima Bean at midday. He's standing outside the door when he realises this was a mistake, because all he can see is the lines on the road blurring as he collapses against the side of his car.

Kurt is already inside though, so he forces himself to shuffle over to a table at the back and pretends he's not dying inside.

"I got you coffee." Kurt offers quietly, "Medium drip."

"Oh, thanks." He takes the cup and stares at. He trusts Kurt to have not touched it, but has Kurt been with it the whole time? Was he watching it? He puts it down on the table and takes a deep breath.

"You wanted to talk to me, Blaine?" Kurt's eyes look red, like he's been crying recently.

"Yeh." He's oddly self-conscious of the fact that he's wearing a worn Dalton tee and sweat-pants, but it feels less like pretending that the vests and bowties. _Don't think about bowties, Blaine. _

"I'm..." Kurt fidgets with his own coffee and Blaine wants to knock it out of his hands. "I was _so _scared for you Blaine. I'm so glad you...you're here."

"I'm sorry."

"I know." Blaine isn't the only one who sounds bitter.

"I missed you." Blaine whispers.

"Is that..._why?" _Kurt asks, "Oh that came out wrong. You don't have to tell me that."

"I guess I was sick of feeling like a failure." Kurt has always been so easy to talk to, and the way his eyes soften at the expression makes it hard to reach out and hold onto him like Blaine always has.

Kurt leans over the table and takes his hands. "You are _not _a failure, Blaine Warbler."

They sit in silence and Blaine is afraid to move because Kurt is holding his hands and he wants to cherish this moment but his phone starts ringing.

The piano lullaby, the coffee shop around him and the coffee he didn't order are too much. Tears start rolling down his face and he can't pull away from Kurt's hands to wipe them away.

"He won't stop calling me." He tells Kurt brokenly. His hands wrap around his torso when Kurt suddenly withdraws.

"You can answer him if you want."

"I tried to get him to stop," Blaine insists, he's been saving up this for days now. He needs to make Kurt understand that he didn't cheat because Kurt wasn't enough.

"You...tried to get him to stop? Blaine?" Kurt's forehead furrows in confusion.

"I-," He takes a deep breath, "I met him here to tell him to stop calling because I thought at first he just wanted to be friends but he wouldn't stop."

"Oh," Kurt's eyes are shining with hurt and tears and he looks like he's a heartbeat away from running away. Blaine wonders if it's his failure at death that keeps Kurt in the chair, or if it's the horror of listening to the story of how his boyfriend betrayed him, "and you decided you wanted _more, _too?" His voice is strangled, pitched a little higher than usual.

Blaine knows he's struggling to keep calm.

"No, Kurt," Blaine whispers, "No! I'd _never _choose anyone over you. _Never." _

Kurt's hands jerk, his coffee tips perilously but it doesn't spill. "_Blaine." _He breathes.

"I shouldn't have taken the coffee. It was stupid." His tears have dried up, swallowed by the look of horror on Kurt's face. He shouldn't be doing this, he can't bear that look. He hates himself. "I just needed you to know that it wasn't something you did. _I love you." _

"Blaine." Kurt's voice breaks over his name.

"I didn't know he'd done something to it, I thought it was safe. I'm sorry." Blaine insists but Kurt's face contorts into something awful and wrong and Blaine has done it. He can't be here. He can't do this. "Sorry."

He stands up and runs, leaves the love of his life sitting there.

"Blaine! Wait!"

He drives halfway home before he pulls over to the side of the road and screams through his fingers.

_What has he done? _

Kurt could never want him now.

OoOoOoOoO

_From: Eli C. [Sat. 12.53pm]: You look beautiful when you break. _

_From: Eli C. [Sat. 12.54pm]: Dry your tears. I'll send something to cheer you up. ;)_

OoOoOoOoO

The knock on the window causes him to jump. He's scrambling backwards over the centre console before he can even bring himself to look at the man on the other side.

When he does the tears start anew.

- TBC -

_Thanks for reviewing and following! :)_


	4. Chapter 4

Summary: Eli stalks Blaine and in the aftermath of the most traumatic event of his life, Blaine finds himself alone, convinced it's all his fault. Blangst. So much Blangst. Part (4/?).

Trigger Warnings: sexual harassment and assault, drug use (date rape), stalking, self-harm, rape, child neglect, homophobia, depression, anxiety, violence, bullying, coarse language, (attempted) suicide, internalised self-hatred, (mild) graphic description of blood/basic first aid.

**A/N: **I'm back. Thank you so much to everyone who has been so supportive so far. You are the reason I keep writing. I apologise in advance for the typos. Officially, I'm blaming jet lag and the fact that half of this was written on a napkin because I couldn't find my notebook.

**The Home Without a Heart (Part 4/?)**

His eyes are clenched shut to press the last of the tears from them. Then he looks back at the window from his position sprawled across the passenger seat. He takes a deep breath and pries the locks open even though he normally never would.

"Oh, honey, I'm sorry," Kurt opens the driver's door slowly; hands offered before him, "Are you alright? I didn't mean to scare you."

Blaine doesn't understand, at all. So he sits there dumbfounded as the man he cheated on searches his dash for tissues and offers them without explanation.

"Kurt?"

Kurt seems strangely calm, hair coiffed and silk vest snug around his tiny waist. He looks straight to Blaine's eyes, and no matter how hard Blaine searches he finds only concern and confusion and the lingering redness of tears. He wasn't sure what he'd been expecting, but he knows Kurt should be angry.

His phone buzzes between them. Kurt jerks slightly, and Blaine flicks it open, keeping the screen away from Kurt.

_From: Eli C. [Sat. 1.03pm]: Surprise is waiting for you baby. _

He keeps his face carefully schooled into a blank mask as he locks the screen again and places it to the side, all too aware that Kurt's brilliant blue eyes are watching him.

"Kurt?"

"Yes, Blaine?" Kurt slowly presses the tissues against Blaine's wet cheek and clears away the translucent scars of the pain Blaine can't explain. The evidence is gone, but the past can't be changed. His eyes flutter closed and he lets himself enjoy this moment, Kurt is so close.

"I don't understand."

"Blaine?" Kurt draws his hand back, but settles in Blaine's seat.

"I just – I just told you I cheated on you and-,"

"No, you didn't."

"Kurt?"

"No. I need to ask you something and I need you to promise me you'll answer it honestly?"

"Anything." He draws his knees up to his chest, and wraps his arms around them as Kurt closes the car door to stop the cool breeze. It doesn't make him any warmer, but before he realises it his fingers have pressed the locks down.

Kurt says nothing for a moment, his eyes are oddly glazed, "I think, maybe, _I hope _I misunderstood back there but you left and I needed to know."

Blaine's phone buzzes again and it takes all his strength not to check it. Instead he focuses on Kurt.

"You said, there..._what _was in the coffee, Blaine?"

Blaine frowns. This is unexpected. "I don't know?"

"What did it do to you?"

His phone buzzes again and they both glance to it and back to each other. Blaine doesn't want to talk about this anymore, he doesn't want to say it because it takes all his energy to not focus on _that _and he really doesn't want to start now.

"Please?"

Blaine has never been able to deny Kurt anything but now he's asking too much. It's too much. He tugs the door open and stumbles out. "It doesn't matter Kurt! Don't you get it?" The Navigator is parked just behind his car and he wonders how he didn't see it pull up. "I _cheated _on you! God, why the hell do you want the _fucking _details? It's done, I broke it! I ruined us! It's fucking ruined, _I'm fucking ruined!" _

Kurt is scrambling out of the car too; there are tears on his cheeks. "It matters Blaine! It matters to me!"

"Why? How will the details change anything?"

"Blaine, please!" Kurt, beautiful Kurt who is so strong under those delicate fabrics is yelling at him. "Did you say no? Did you say no and when he couldn't have you, he drugged you? Blaine? Did you?"

He's not yelling but he doesn't have to, the words cut Blaine to the core. Kurt knows, he sees how dirty Blaine is.

"It doesn't matter." Blaine says and his anger dies, "Nothing matters. I'm going home." He shoves past his ex-boyfriend and wrenches open the door.

It's the choking noise behind him that stills his legs before he can make his clean get away.

"Oh, God," Kurt whimpers, he's not crying, but his lower lip trembles in that way that tears Blaine into tiny pieces of himself and scatters them at his feet. Blaine is forever at Kurt's mercy. "_Oh God." _Kurt's voice pitches higher, his eyes fix on Blaine, wide and fearful. "He did, didn't he? He-," His breath hitches and he stumbles forward slightly, fingers reaching for Blaine, "r-raped you. _Blaine?" _

"Kurt, I went to the coffee shop." Blaine murmurs as he lets the taller boy fold into his chest and holds him there, "I'm sorry." _He shouldn't have gone. _If he hadn't of been there it never would have happened. This was his fault.

The phrase just makes Kurt stiffen, "come on." Kurt says, and he reaches around Blaine to grab his keys and phone and wallet.

"Kurt." Blaine has no idea what's happened. He stopped turning but the world has kept on rushing beneath his feet and now Kurt is so close but he feels further away.

"You're not driving alone, we're going home."

OoOoOoOoO

_From: Eli C. [Sat. 1.05pm]: Want me to wait for you, too?_

_From: Eli C [Sat. 1.06pm]: I'm always waiting for you. Xx_

OoOoOoOoO

Home is apparently the Hummel-Hudson home. Kurt drives them both there and they sit in silence listening to the radio.

"Come inside?" Kurt whispers.

Blaine lingers at the doorstep, staring at the half open door where Kurt's hand rests. There's a normal family living inside. Well, Burt isn't here because the truck is gone but Finn's car is right there, and maybe Carole is in. What's he going to say? What's he going to do?

He's been doing so well all week, living and breathing and _being. _He can't help but hate himself a little bit. He's being defeated by a doorway, not by Eli's constant presence or Kurt's noticeable absence over the past week but by _a doorway. _

Why?

Because when he walks in there Kurt will want to talk. Kurt will tell him he can't be with a used, damaged boy. Kurt might tell people and then they won't look him in the eye.

Normal exists and he can pretend. He can't shatter that illusion. He wavers on the edge of the steps, but Kurt's hand leaves the door and he comes to stand beside him. "That's okay; we can sit here if you want?"

Blaine's never been so grateful for concrete steps in his life, he just sits there and Kurt sits by him. He has no idea what's happening but he feels better that Kurt let him decide this one thing. He doesn't question it.

OoOoOoOoO

"Kurt? Oh – uh...what's going on?"

They both stir from where they've been sitting; Blaine nestled against Kurt's skin. They haven't said anything. Blaine suspects Kurt is waiting for him to speak first but he can't bring himself to break whatever moment has enchanted them together.

"Finn," Kurt pulls away and stands up, brushing his black slacks with feather-light touches.

"Blaine?" Finn's eyes narrow. "What's he doing here?"

"He's always welcome here." Kurt replies calmly.

"After what he did to you, are you freaking kidding me?"

Finally, someone Blaine understood. As much as he didn't want him to, he knows Kurt has to hear it. He can't get him back just to lose him again.

"Finn!"

"No Kurt, this is ridiculous." Finn physically picks up his step-brother and sets him aside before hauling Blaine to his feet. "You're not welcome here when you hurt my brother."

Blaine nods dumbly.

"Listen man I know you got stuff happening and I am here for you, okay? Me and Glee Club, we got your back but you can't be coming round here anymore. This is Kurt's space," Finn's voice is soft, "You can't ruin that for him."

_Can't ruin that for him. _Ruin.

He seems to be doing a lot of that recently. Air is rushing over his head as the one thing he'd been clinging to slips from his grasp. _Kurt. _No one will let them be together, they shouldn't be. Finn is right, he'll ruin Kurt.

He seems to be doing a lot of that recently. Instead he just nods stiffly and turns away, walking towards Kurt's car, where he collects his forgotten things from the passenger side and starts to walk down the street.

"Blaine! No! Finn's an idiot – _you are don't you dare deny it_ – Blaine come back!"

Blaine is done. He's done with this and everything that goes along with it.

OoOoOoOoO

His father seems a little perplexed that he's being asked to Blaine up from the side of the street six blocks away from Kurt's place. Nonetheless, Christian agrees to come and get him immediately.

It's not the first time Blaine regrets living so far away.

"Blaine," Kurt sits beside him and presses close to his side. "Finn is wrong."

"No, he's not." It's a whisper so low he wonders if Kurt will hear it. Instead of answering, Kurt wraps his arms tightly around Blaine. "Kurt, what I did was unforgivable."

"No," the grip tightens and Blaine wonders why he's trying to get Kurt to leave because he knows he can't live without him and he wants this moment to last forever. "It wasn't you fault, Blaine."

It wasn't his fault.

He trembles in Kurt's steady embrace. It wasn't his fault. "How can you possibly know that?"

A warm hand turns his cheek so their eyes meet, and Kurt's a fiery with determination. "No one – _no one – _has the right to drug and rape someone. Never. Not if that person is their friend, not if that person flirted with them, not if they met in a coffee shop for a drink. Not ever. It was rape. _You did nothing wrong." _

_You did nothing wrong. _

Blaine hasn't realised how long he's been waiting to hear that, even though he doesn't believe it. He put himself in that situation.

"Blaine," Kurt draws him in closer, "do you want me to drive you home?"

"I called my dad," Blaine whisperers. "Thanks."

Blaine can't imagine what he'll without Kurt but the last time he was updated they had broken up and everyone hated him for it, now Kurt was here acting like the world had changed.

Lithe fingers card through his curls and he realises he hasn't gelled in days.

Kurt's lips move against his temple, a half kiss lingers on his skin. "I'm sorry I didn't give you a chance to explain last week."

"Not your fault." Blaine mumbles back.

"I'm sorry." Kurt repeats, but he doesn't say anything about taking him back though. Blaine just leans into his warmth and pretends that someday he'll be enough for someone.

Someday, he'll be more than a mess of scars.

Someday, he'll be more.

OoOoOoOoO

Christian pulls up to the kerb and shakes Kurt's hand before opening the door for Blaine. Blaine gently slides into the passenger's seat, but not before carefully leaning over to the back seat window to be sure it's still empty.

Kurt presses a kiss to his cheek and says, "We'll talk tomorrow, okay?"

Blaine just nods. He wants to tell Kurt all the things he's been holding in for days but this stupid day has been so overwhelming, and now Kurt is throwing the "r" word around like it's something that happened to him and he's not really sure what he thinks of it.

They're halfway home before he remembers Eli's last text. There's a surprise waiting for him, somewhere.

OoOoOoOoO

_From: Eli C [Sat. 7.36pm]: Did you like it babe? :)_

_From: Eli C [Sat. 7.45pm]: It's polite to reply. Say thank you. _

OoOoOoOoO

Blaine is still sitting on his bed, hand curled tightly into his blankets, staring. He was just starting to feel human again and then _this. _

There on his bed is a bunch of roses, a bottle of wine and a little note that says: _Meet me outside at 9pm. Love you. Xx_

His father hasn't mentioned visitors. His mother gives him a vapid stare and tells him that perhaps he should invite people over when he's at home to save them dropping by unexpectedly.

He doesn't cry this time; he just wonders what he should do.

OoOoOoOoO

_From: Eli C [Sat. 8.32pm]: Say "thank you" Blaine. _

_From: Eli C [Sat. 8.36pm]: I don't appreciate being ignored, Blaine. _

OoOoOoOoO

His phone is silent. He methodically checks every window and door in the house closes them all and tests the locks twice as his parents sit down to their after-meal coffees. Then he closes the door to his bedroom and checks every place big enough for a person – behind the door, in the closet, under the bed, behind the shower curtain.

It's 6.55am when he finally drifts off to sleep. His phone has been quiet, the rose petals are dropping slightly and the wine is untouched.

Even then he awakes regularly at every creak in the floorboards, at the sound of his mother shouting a good-bye as she leaves.

He's not safe here anymore.

OoOoOoOoO

His father has somehow convinced his mother to bring his car back this morning, because it's parked in the drive-way and the keys are on the bench with a note telling him Kurt has called twice already.

He ignores both and simply opens the fridge, looks at the display of foods he doesn't want to eat and decides he'll try that later.

He locks himself in the bathroom for an hour and waits for Eli to come for him.

He doesn't.

OoOoOoOoO

His phone plays Teenage Dream at some point after his feet have fallen asleep.

"Kurt?" He answers quietly, trying to listen over the sound of his own breathing.

"Blaine, hey, how are you?"

"Good, you?" His voice sounds falsely cheery to himself and echoes around him. He winces at the noise.

"I wanted to talk to you, and maybe your dad?"

"My dad?"

"Yeh, I guess," Kurt says quietly, "I think he needs to know what happened."

Blaine laughs, "You should be angry with me, Kurt, not trying to help."

"You did nothing wrong, Blaine."

"Yeh."

"Can I come over?"

He wants to say yes but how will he explain the roses and the wine and the semi-barricaded window to his bedroom?

"I can come to you." He says and then he leaves the bathroom quietly.

OoOoOoOoO

_From: Eli C [Sun. 10.46am]: That's what this is about? Him?_

_From: Eli C [Sun. 10.48am]: He doesn't love you like I do. _

_From: Eli C [Sun. 10.49am]: Don't do this to me babe. _

OoOoOoOoO

Kurt opens the door before Blaine makes it to the stairs and steps out to hug him. The contact is reassuring but Blaine is focused on getting into the house and away from prying eyes as fast as physically possible so he all but hauls his ex-boyfriend inside. They pause in the doorway because Burt Hummel is sitting on the sofa looking up at him expectantly.

"Mr. Hummel, sir?" He squeaks. He knows that Burt is one of the only people who knows what happened the night he downed forty-seven pain pills. He's also the reason his father was at the hospital when he woke up. He's both grateful and angry because he deserved to be alone and he hadn't wanted to wake up at all.

Even now he swings between wanting to end it. Death is a very real place for him because Eli can't touch him there.

"Blaine, I'm glad you're here." Burt gestures to the soft seat across from him and Kurt lets Blaine cuddle into his side there.

"It's nice to see you again, sir." He offers and glances between the father-son duo carefully.

"Blaine, Kurt told me what you said to him yesterday."

Kurt's hand tightens on his reassuringly, but his jaw drops a bit and his lips wordlessly mouth his distress. Now Burt knows too.

"Okay," he says calmly, "Excuse me, please." He stands up and when neither of them seem like they're going to stop him he walks to the bathroom, blasts the hot water and scrubs at his hands. He needs to wash this away before everyone sees it on him.

OoOoOoOoO

He returns to the Hummels ten minutes later with red skin, but he's fixed his hair and straightened his clothes, and despite the fact that he's in an old Dalton sweatshirt that hasn't been washed in a few days, he feels less unkempt.

"Alright, now?" They don't say anything about his brief absence, and Kurt just smiles encouragingly when Blaine seats himself on the other chair. He can't sully that porcelain skin right now. Instead he just smiles brightly and nods at Burt's question.

"I hope it's alright that I spoke to dad?" Kurt asks, "I just thought we could use some help."

_We. _Eli uses that phrase too. Blaine flounders for a moment because at some point he's lost the right to make decision for him. Other people have started to do it for them. He just nods.

"Of course," he smiles up at them. His mother will be so proud if she hears of this, smiling Blaine with the perfect posture sitting proudly in front of two men who know he was _raped. _

"First thing is first," Burt doesn't lean forward into his personal space, but he feels more present as he says it, "none of this was your fault."

The mask fractures slightly. The two people who should hate him most don't blame him. It's oddly reassuring. He doesn't move, wondering at what point they'll realise their wrong.

Silence descends upon them so he takes up the conversation like his mother taught him to. "With all due respect, sir, I take full responsibility for hurting Kurt."

"No, Blaine," Burt slides a little closer, but still respects Blaine's sudden need to be in control of his own space, "This kid drugged you and did some terrible things to you. That's rape."

Blaine supposes it could be.

"And. It. Was. Not. Your. Fault." Burt punctuates each word, but his voice retains a gentle edge to it that doesn't startle him the way Kurt's insistence had.

"Okay." Blaine agrees to get them to drop the subject. They look satisfied for now.

"Okay." Burt agrees. "There's something else I want to ask you."

Blaine just nods wearily.

"Were you hurt?"

Blaine's eyebrows twitch up.

_Yes. _

_It hurts to breathe. _

_It hurts to move. _

_It hurts to be here right now. _

_It hurts and all the pain medication I could find didn't dull the ache. _

OoOoOoOoO

Burt establishes, with a lot of blushing from Blaine that he wasn't physically hurt too badly. There's bruises lingering on his wrists but he's doing well enough for the time being. They insist on at least telling his father and Burt mentions having the hospital do a rape kit.

Blaine nods half-heartedly and somehow ends up shifting back to Kurt, who opens his arms willingly, invitingly.

"There's just one more thing," Burt says hesitantly, "and you have to be as honest as you can be."

Everyone wants honesty from him these days.

"The man that did this, has been in contact with you since it happened?"

Blaine freezes, then buries his head in Kurt's neck and tries not to whimper.

_Never. _

"Okay," Burt shifts his cap in his hands. "Do you want me to speak with your folks or...?"

Blaine just nods into Kurt's skin and hopes the message gets across. The option of forgetting this nightmare is slipping away from him.

Kurt holds him close and he feels whole.

OoOoOoOoO

_From: Eli C. [Sun. 2.56pm]: You're still with him. _

_From: Eli C. [Sun. 2.56pm]: I'm disappointed, babe. I thought we meant more to you. _

_From: Eli C. [Sun. 2.57pm]: He can't love you. No one can but me. _

OoOoOoOoO

The last message hits a chord with him and he worries. He watches Kurt making sandwiches he won't eat.

"Kurt?"

"Hmmm?" Kurt looks up, wholemeal bread in hand.

"Now that you know, Kurt do you think you'll ever – I mean one day will you -?"

"Blaine, what is it?" Soft hands settle on his, lunch lies forgotten.

"Do you think one day, when I'm fixed, you might, love me again?" His eyes drift to the table and he focuses hard on the wood grain there so he doesn't see Kurt's expression.

"Oh, Blaine." It sounds an awful lot like _No, Blaine. _

"Forget it, it's stupid." He tried to stand but the grip on his fingers tightens slightly, not holding him there but begging him to stay.

"I _never _stopped loving you, and you are not broken."

"Oh," Blaine hesitates for a moment, "Then why?"

"Why what?"

"Why don't you want me anymore?" Blaine rushes out in one breath.

Kurt draws him closer, "Where on Earth did you get that idea Blaine? Of course I love you, you're my boyfriend."

"I am?" He distinctly remembers breaking up.

"Until you stop wanting me. You did nothing wrong and I love you so there is no reason on this Earth that would make me stop wanting to be your partner."

Kurt presses his lips against Blaine's, soft and sweet, he tastes like sugar.

Blaine's heart swells in his chest. Eli was wrong. Kurt could love him, did love him.

"I love you." He whispers as his eyes blink open and Kurt's warmth permeates his being.

"I will always love you."

OoOoOoOoO

_From: Eli C. [Sun. 5.17pm]: Can't believe you'd do this to me. _

_From Eli C. [Sun. 5.19pm]: Come outside now. Come back to me. _

OoOoOoOoO

Blaine has made that mistake before, so he puts the house on lockdown and sleeps in the shower stall of the bathroom adjoining his room. His parents don't say anything to him over breakfast even though he's pretty sure he has the tile pattern imprinted on his cheek.

When he gets upstairs there's a single rose sitting on the bed and the window is open.

_It's alright, Blaine. I'll forgive you. You'll come back to me love. You'll see. _

_You'll come back to me. _

Going to school suddenly seems like an insurmountable task, even with his mother carefully laying out his outfit and fussing at his hair.

OoOoOoOoO

_From: Eli C. [Mon. 7.50am]: I miss you. Don't worry. I'll see you soon. Xx _

_- TBC -_

I hope the update has been worth the wait. Next update will be a week away, but if I get a few reviews I might be inspired to write a bit faster ;)

Seriously, thank you so much for reading. I really appreciate it.


	5. Chapter 5

Summary: Eli stalks Blaine and in the aftermath of the most traumatic event of his life, Blaine finds himself alone, convinced it's all his fault. Blangst. So much Blangst.

Trigger Warnings: sexual harassment and assault, drug use (date rape), stalking, self-harm, rape, child neglect, homophobia, depression, anxiety, violence, bullying, coarse language, (attempted) suicide, internalised self-hatred, (mild) graphic description of blood/basic first aid. **WARNING: This chapter is **_**intense. **_

**A/N: **Well, several people asked for _more_ blangst. I was happy to oblige. You're all going to hate me now. :) Especially the end of the chapter...

The first two parts aren't from Blaine's POV. I thought it was time to hear from a few silent characters.

**The Home without a Heart**

Blaine's not eating, and from the looks of him he hasn't been sleeping either. Christian watches his son over breakfast. He looks small, curled in on himself, hunched over. His eyes have dark circles underneath them; and they are fixed on the old oak table. Arms curl protectively over his stomach but he makes no move to touch the bowl of cereal, nor the pancakes. The fruit salad and all of the other things Christian spread the table _hoping _against hope that he'll just eat something are left untouched.

His little boy has somehow grown into a man and then regressed again, and he doesn't understand _why. _

"Blaine, do you remember Maria's daughter, Holly?" Yvette asks as she stirs three teaspoons of sugar into her morning coffee.

Blaine doesn't respond, he just sits there and breathes steadily like he's trying to calm himself, so Christian takes up the conversation.

"She's the blonde, isn't she?" He says, but his eyes never leave Blaine, whose hair is wild with curls untamed from sleep. "Plays the piano?"

"Yes, that's her! Beautiful little thing," Yvette nods sagely, "Maria is bringing her to the club on Sunday, I thought you might like to join us for lunch? You kids got on so well last time."

Blaine doesn't respond.

"That sounds nice, doesn't it Blaine?" Christian prods gently, _please say something. _

Blaine shrugs and nods, and fiddles with the edge of his tee.

"She's single now," Yvette adds with a smile, "and I know she likes you."

"I have a _boyfriend." _Blaine whispers, but the words seem strained.

_Exactly, _Christian agrees in his mind, _so why are you still like this? _The _incident _with the pills was more than two weeks ago and if anything he's getting worse, degenerating into a zombie who smiles when people see him in the street and shuts down the second he's at home. Kurt is back, and whilst Christian still worries his son is going to think this phase is forever, the issue is resolved isn't it? Kurt is back.

Surely Blaine should be over the break-up? Is he missing something more? He wants to reach out and hold him but he's so afraid Blaine won't want it.

He doesn't know where to start. How do you help the son you never got to know?

Yvette simply smiles, "Of course you do dear," She sets her spoon aside and takes a dainty sip, "It's just you'll be looking at settling down once you finish college and you want to meet the right girl so you don't have to rush things."

Blaine would have sighed wearily at that three months ago and politely excused himself, now he just sits there and stares at the table.

What's wrong with him, and why is Christian so useless that he doesn't know?

"Cooper called today." Yvette says.

"Oh?" They don't really hear from Cooper, because he's too busy taking the world by storm. He calls once every few months.

"Mmmm," She nods, "He said he won't be home for thanksgiving."

Blaine simply nods and Christian wants to grab him and shake him until he does something more than that.

"I want to go antiquing in Rome." She says suddenly and both Anderson men at the table turn to her with varying degrees of shock on their features.

Christian recognises the trapped look in her eyes and just nods. Then his heart breaks because he sees it in Blaine's too.

OoOoOoOoO

Her father had depression all through her childhood; he killed himself when she was sweet sixteen.

She never forgave him.

Do you know what it's like to live with someone who hates themselves and everything around them and just wants to die? She does. It feels like you've failed, because you should have been able to help. It feels like you're not good enough. She's learnt to bury her hurt and fear because it's not as real as her father's was. She's learnt a lot of things. Mostly, she's learnt that it's something she's not strong enough to do.

When she was seven she saw her father cry, bent over newspaper with a pen in hand.

"_I can't find anything." He whispers and her mother sits beside him and holds his hand. _

"_You will, you just have to be positive. Someone will be hiring, someone." Mother seems strong in that moment, unless you know that she cries when she does the ironing, that she stands by the window every time he drives away because she's so, so afraid he won't come home. _

"_I can't do this anymore." He stands up and collects his keys and heads to the door. _

"_No!" Mother hisses and she darts in front of him, she's fiery. "No, you can't. We need you."_

"_I can't do this." _

_Fathers aren't supposed to cry like this, and Mother's aren't supposed to plead like this. She draws herself up to her full height of five-foot-four and braces her hands either side of the doorway so he can't pass. _

"_Fine," She whispers in defiance, "but you go upstairs and you tell those little girls why their father isn't coming home tonight."_

_His determined expression crumbles and he pulls her hands away, kisses her cheek and is gone. Mother wilts as he leaves and her hands tremble as she gathers her daughter close. _

"_It's bedtime love. Come on."_

_She doesn't sleep though, because Mother sits in the dark kitchen until the key turns in the lock of the front door six hours later and then she slips upstairs quietly so Father doesn't know she's been wringing her hands in her skirt material until they're white. _

_No one mentions the incident the next morning and they pretend they aren't all a little further apart. _

He wouldn't listen to them when they begged him to get help, wouldn't acknowledge he was crumbling under the pressure so she tried to help in other ways. Yvette saved all her pocket money and offered it to her mother when she had to buy new shoes.

"_Not those ones, they're too expensive." The little twelve year old insists._

"_But you like them, sweetie." Mother bends down and presses a kiss to her forehead even though she's much too big for those. "We can afford it."_

"_Let me pay, Mama." _

"_They're a gift."_

_She hears her Mother tell Father about it later, and her Father doesn't speak for a long time. _

"_I'm sorry." He whispers finally, and Yvette doesn't understand why. _

_She's powerless to help. _

It's selfish. More selfish than anything, because she needed her father even though she couldn't talk to him because he sat at the dining table writing cover letters and swearing when he made mistakes and burying his head in his hands so often she was afraid to break his delicate silence lest he shatter before her.

She needed him to collect her after parties even though she knew he wasn't sleeping and she felt _so guilty _because at least he could be trying to rest instead of coming to get her so she could flirt with Jerry the quarter-back.

She needed him the day Jerry broke her heart, but instead watched him make a watery pasta sauce that didn't turn out the way he'd planned and he'd just thrown it in the bin and walked out because _he can't even cook a fucking pasta dish right. _

She needed him the day her mother died in that car accident and she was pulled out of school afraid but trying to be strong for her little sister, with wide eyes and pigtails.

She needed him when she got home from the Hospital quivering with emotion, and bundled her sister upstairs to bed, she'd needed him when she'd realised he was gone.

"_Father?" She knocks on his bedroom door once, and braces herself because it smells like her Mama, sweet and floral. It also smells like blood. _

_She finds the body lying across the floor with a gun in hand and a single note that says "I'm sorry."_

_She's heard it so many times before it's lost all meaning. He's sorry. _

_She folds the note, sets it on the dresser and walks downstairs to the kitchen where in the dark she slides to the floor and hugs her knees. _

_She needs her father and he's not here. _

Then she'd learnt not to need him. She'd learnt to hate him because even though he was hurting, she hurt more. She had no choice, _he left her. _Life was hard but she would never quit, because she hated him for giving up.

She watches Blaine sitting at the table and sees her father's curly hair and his vacant eyes and she hates herself, because she can't protect him from this.

She's powerless to help.

But she can protect herself.

It's not that she's not sensitive to his issues, she does care. Yvette has noticed that Blaine is different, but she's trying to get him out and thinking about other things and he won't even respond. What happened to the son who'd turn up to the Club with wide eyes and be so delighted by the Grand Piano in the dining hall?

He won't even speak to her now, like she's the reason he's so sad all the time. She raised him right, taught him to treat women with respect. She's been burned enough times to know how young boys can be. Her high school sweetheart had cheated on her for six months. She knows how it feels to go through a break-up, but she never wanted to _kill _herself over one. She doesn't understand, doesn't want to.

She just can't do this again. Her heart can't take it.

OoOoOoOoO

There are no bow-ties to go with this outfit. Instead he wears plain jeans and a dark blue polo shirt. It's the most dressed up he's been in two weeks. His hair has been gelled, only because his mother has fussed that it was an ungodly sight when it wasn't tamed.

Officially, he has been sick for two weeks. Unofficially? There have been rumours going round that he was so upset about the break-up he'd been holed up in his basement eating ice-cream and watching re-runs of _Gilmore Girls. _

Once again, Blaine is slightly relieved the truth is stranger than fiction, because he'd rather everyone think he was upset about Kurt rather than being _that guy who tried to kill himself after being dumped by his boyfriend for being raped by his stalker. _

Not that it wasn't his fault, of course. _Rape _is still a pretty big word to be throwing around, and he feels almost guilty for using it because it's not like he remembers the event. How could it possibly compare to those stories of people cornered in dark alleyways or surprised by strangers in their homes?

He understands, on a very intellectual level, that it was _rape. _He didn't consent and that's that. Rape.

R.

A.

P.

E.

It's just a very big word for so few letters.

OoOoOoOoO

He ignores Eli's text about seeing him soon because he's not sure exactly what to do about it. He knows Kurt would want to know, but he hasn't exactly explained all of this to him and well...it's a long story. Much too long for the half hour between now and when classes start. Instead he sends a text to Tina to say he'll be back today and she sends him a smiley-face.

She's waiting at his locker when he drifts there, with her bag over her shoulder and Artie at her side.

"Whaddup bro?" Artie asks, and holds a fist out in his traditional greeting.

"Hey guys." He forces a bright smile and lets Tina throw her arms around him. She's been strangely affectionate since her and Mike broke up. He suspects she misses the physical contact and surety of Mike's hugs. Blaine understands the feeling so he draws her in closely and cherishes her soft presence. It's nothing like Eli's, and her scent wipes a little of his away.

"We've missed you." She smiles as he fishes out a Maths book from his locker.

"Hey Blaine! Feeling better?" Jake doesn't stop for an answer because he's running down the hall after Marley who's whispering to Kitty as they turn the corner.

It feels oddly _nice. _People are here and they care.

He goes to Maths class with his head held high.

That is, until the red slushie is dumped over his head in the corridor and he's twenty minutes late to class and gets a disapproving lecture for his efforts.

At least he still smells like raspberry. He hates the bubblegum flavour because the scent makes him gag.

_Small things, Blaine, small things. _

At least Eli hasn't called.

The silence should have worried him.

OoOoOoOoO

He's the first to the lunch hall and sits there staring at his tray without touching it until Marley arrives and plops down in the chair across from him with a frown on her pretty features.

"Hey," he says, because that's what _dapper _Blaine does.

"Hey Blaine," Her smile is tight, her gaze flicks to his uneaten lunch and back again. She says nothing about it because he doesn't call her out on the fact that she isn't eating either.

"How did your English thing go?"

She gives him a smile because he remembered something she was worried about, "I don't know, good I hope. It's over at least." She sighs and twirls a pen in her hands. "Unique helped me rehearse."

Blaine just smiles and comments on how lovely that was and when Wade sits down beside him his smile brightens, because Wade smiles at him.

He's forgotten that not everyone knows he's a freak and it's nice to pretend, just for a little while.

Wade and Marley start talking about Glee assignments, apparently Mr. Schue is officially gone now and Finn seems to be floundering.

This week's the task is: boundaries.

Blaine knows lots about those. He's also intimately experienced with people crossing them.

"Excuse me." He flashes them a charming smile and is ridiculously early for class but at least he's not covered in ice.

OoOoOoOoO

He goes to the choir room here he sits and stares at the wall until Ryder and Sam walk in arguing loudly about the appropriate plays to make in football.

"No, No!" Sam says calmly. "You're wrong. You hit them hard and fast and keep them on defence from the get go." He looks at Ryder expectantly, like he's waiting for that moment of realisation.

It never hits, because instead Ryder shakes his head and says, "Strategy: make them _think _you're going one way and them go the other." He shrugs awkwardly like it's the most obvious thing in the world and gives Sam a goofy grin. Brittney informs them Lord Tubbington has gang connections if they need to handle the opposition, then she privately confides she's worried because the Cat Mafia doesn't sound safe anymore.

Blaine sits at the back and stares and no one interrupts him. They have conversations around him instead.

He wonders if they'll notice if he just slips out quietly. It's getting hard being near so many people. The seat beside him is empty.

Just like he is.

OoOoOoOoO

_To: Kurt Hummel: [Mon. 3.02pm]: No more slushies since this morning. _

From: Kurt Hummel: [Mon. 3.02pm]: Pleased to hear it. How's Glee?

_To: Kurt Hummel: [Mon. 3.03pm]: Finn still can't find a whiteboard marker. :( _

From: Kurt Hummel: [Mon. 3.05pm]: ... my brother. Honestly.

From: Kurt Hummel: [Mon. 3.07pm]: Want to come over for dinner? I'll make chocolate fondue!

_To: Kurt Hummel: [Mon. 3.17pm]: Thanks, but maybe not tonight. Homework :'(_

From: Kurt Hummel [Mon. 3.17pm]: I'll call you and help!

OoOoOoOoO

Blaine sets up his Maths problem and eyes the textbook warily. Derivatives are death, but for the first time in a few days his mind isn't wandering. He uses the momentary focus to study and miss Kurt.

It's nice.

"Blaine?" His father is leaning at the door with a smile. "How was school?"

Blaine shrugs, it was school.

"There's been an account issue at the office; audit's turned up a massive swing in the safe." His father pauses there, as Blaine looks up properly. "They need a senior manager there to oversee the problem and Harrison is on his Honeymoon...it's just bad timing but discrepancies this big are – well, Head Office needs to be contacted and they need a Director to sign off anyway..."

Blaine understands what he's saying but it doesn't process. "You're going in?"

"Your mother's only at the Club until ten. I'll be back by eleven at the latest? I can call Kurt to keep you company?"

Kurt has been here every night since he got home. He deserves to see his family. Blaine hasn't heard from Eli all day and he can lock all the doors and windows and close the curtains and he'll be _fine _for five hours.

"No, I want to work on this assignment. I'll be alright."

"Call me if – I'll have my phone." Christian lingers. "Look after yourself?"

"I will." Blaine nods.

"I love you."

Blaine smiles, "you too." Love is a big word too for so few letters.

That's the theme of the day apparently.

OoOoOoOoO

It's just nearly seven when he draws himself away from his books and decides for the first time in days that he's hungry. He wants risotto, covered in parmesan cheese and it's the thought of food that draws him downstairs even if he'll end up re-heating pie.

He walks silently down the stairs, a habit he's not sure he always had, but he's immensely glad for it because there's _light _flickering in the kitchen.

He pauses on the stairs and then turns back. He knows who it is. He needs Kurt. He needs help. He starts to creep back up.

"Blaine."

His heart stops and then it restarts and he's running as fast as he can. Why – _why? – _of all days did he leave his cell in his room today?

He dives across his bed and grabs the phone; frantically trying to dial Kurt's number as he turns around in time to see Eli at the doorway.

He's wearing a suit, grey and silky, with a pink tie and white dress shirt. His hair is smooth, eyes narrowed.

The phone slides from Blaine's grasp. He's forgotten how to breathe.

"Blaine, love." Eli steps forward and wraps his arms around him. "I've missed you."

"No." Blaine gasps, and pushes him away. _Not again. Not again. Not again. _

"Come Blaine."

His arm is locked in a vice-like grip but he pulls away with everything he's got.

_Not again. _

"Blaine. Come" The tugging at his arm is harder this time.

His fist has curled before he realises it, and _smashes _into Eli's face with a force developed from boxing. His assailant is off guard long enough for Blaine to wrench his arm free and his hand closes around his phone an instant later. He hits the final number but he's not sure if he's thumb makes it to dial because he's suddenly on the ground and Eli is straddling him, warm kisses against his collar-bone.

"No." Blaine shouts again. _Not again. Not again. Not again. _

"Why not?" Eli's lips still for a moment, but his hand his sliding down Blaine's hyper-aware skin, burning it.

"I love Kurt." He begs, "Please, I love Kurt."

"Love?" Eli flinches. "No baby, you love me. What has he done to you?" A hand caresses his cheek, a tongue slides across the skin to catch his tears. Blaine wriggles, strains to get away.

_Not again. _

"No." He begs again.

"No?" Eli's eyes narrow, the grip tightens.

"No, please no."

"You love me."

"No."

"You will."

"No." The denial shakes his limbs alive and he shoves Eli away with everything he has, but Eli is taller, bulkier and he responds with a shove of his own. Blaine's head cracks back against the floor and the edges of his vision darken.

"No." Blaine slurs out, but he's being pulled to his feet. The world tilts precariously and the iron grip around his shoulders is the only thing that keeps him on his feet.

"Now see Blaine? Look what you've made me do?" Eli sits him at his desk and presses a hand to the back of his head. "You'd save yourself so much pain if you just admitted that you love me."

"K'rrt." He's not exactly sure what's happening but his vision is clearly slightly but Eli has a cup pressed against his lips.

"Drink love. It'll help."

Blaine clamps his mouth shut but Eli's hand is over his nose and he can't _breathe. _It's all Eli needs and before he knows it a mouthful of something salty is on his tongue. He manages to spit half of it out before Eli's other hand covers his mouth.

"Swallow or pass out. You're choice baby." Eli is almost sitting on him. "It's for your own good love."

He swallows and immediately regrets it.

Tears spill over his eyes and Eli kisses each one. "I love you Blaine. I love you."

Blaine punches him again and runs. He makes it to the stairs when Eli's foot hits his back and he falls, his arms break his fall but he can feel bruises forming already.

"Stop it!" Eli shouts, "Stop it Blaine! I'm trying to help you!"

"Get away from me, you sick fuck!" Survival mode has kicked in and he's scrambling backwards into the kitchen. His heart stutters to a stop.

There are candles on every flat surface, twinkling merrily up at him. Rose petals in line the floor, cordate leaves spread amongst their arrangements and the table.

_The table. _

It's set for two, with roses and wine and candles and white linen napkins folded into swans.

"Holy shit." He breaths, his escape momentarily forgotten. "_holy shit." _

"Kurt doesn't love you the way I do, baby." Arms wrap around him from behind and he doesn't move.

"Get away from me." He pleads.

Eli's arms stiffen. "No." He's forced into the chair and Eli pours him wine. He accepts the glass and stares at it. The immediate danger is gone so he lets Eli set a plate in front of him. Ravioli.

He hates ravioli.

Kurt would have known that.

"Stop talking about him!" Eli hisses, and Blaine realises he's said it aloud. Oops. It's just that Kurt is kind of wonderful and he's everything Eli isn't.

"I said stop." Eli's hands slam down on the table and everything shakes. "You love me."

"I love Kurt." _God, why is his mouth still talking? _

Eli stands up and stalks over to him, the plates scatter as he pulls Blaine to his feet. The world shifts and Blaine ends up leaning heavily on Eli, gasping. He feels sick.

"K'rrt."

"Fuck you." Eli whispers. "I love you and you fucking _– fuck it_."

The edges of his vision blacken and he stumbles into Eli's waiting arms. This is not good.

OoOoOoOoO

He comes around as Eli is forcing him into his parent's bathroom. He tries to ask why but all that comes out is a muffled groan.

"If you won't love me you don't love anyone." Eli repeats over and over, it's a chant as he fills the bathtub with water, and almost lovingly measures out three capfuls of his mother's bubble bath.

Blaine leans against the wall and watches. He used to love baths as a kid. Water makes him feel like he can fly, because floating is kind of like flying. _Flying. _That sounds fun.

Maybe he should ask Kurt to come join him. He misses Kurt. No, Kurt is busy. Busy with family. His family is somewhere. His father is...something about money. Money is in a safe. His father is safe? Safe. Blaine isn't safe. Hide. Run?

No. Wall. Sitting. Tiles. Cold tiles. Cold. Water is cold. Water. Cold water.

Cold water.

Awareness slams into his like a train a full-speed. Eli's hands are pushing him under and the weight of his clothes is dragging him down.

It's been a minute. Less? Longer?

He needs to breathe, his lungs are doing it automatically. Water fills them and it aches. He can't think properly. His head is lying against something hard. He should lift it up. His neck strains, hands grab at something but keep missing. Is the world always this blurry?

He's going to die.

He's going to drown.

It burns and tears down his throat and makes him feel heavy. How long has it been? Hours?

How long does it take someone to die? His hand hits something hard. Very hard and the pain distracts him for a second.

It's over.

The pressure on his lessens slightly and his body moves upwards instinctively, his head breaks the surface and then is forced back down.

Then just like that the pressure is gone and he could move up if he wanted to. He could.

His limbs don't co-operate, they wave in the water for a moment and slowly he reaches the surface. Air cools his skin all over again but he doesn't breathe because he's not meant to breath in water.

Is he under water? He needs to breathe. Breathe. He slides into a sitting position and promptly slumps against the wall. There's a wheezing sound coming from somewhere.

Someone is coughing. Someone should help them. They sound hurt.

"Shhh Blaine, shhh." Quiet. Quiet. They want him to be quiet.

He wants to scream, instead he grunts, his body lethargically collapses back against the person holding him. He feels sick.

He's going to throw up. His chest heaves slightly, the world spins and suddenly he's leaning over the edge of the bath coughing and hacking and crying.

"It's okay baby brother." A voice whispers in his ear.

"Cooper?" He reaches out to grasp him but he's not there.

"No, sweetheart, Cooper's not here." Someone else says.

"Oh God, what's wrong with him?" Someone else says. It sounds like Jay. Jay. He hasn't seen Jay in years.

"Hey Blaine." The boy is sitting across from him, legs crossed, all dressed up for the dance. _Sadie Hawkins. _

"Hey."

"You're alright Blaine."

"No I'm not."

"I know." Jay stretches out a hand. "I'm sorry."

Their hands connect and then Blaine's is empty. He's going to be sick. His head drops back to the tiled edge of the bathtub. He's sick. He's sick and Kurt's not here.

"K'rt!" His hands are trembling, he's reaching out for him, but no one is reaching back. "'urt?"

Someone manoeuvres him in their arms so they have a strong grip on his underarms. They heave him, dripping wet, from the bath away from the floor and into the bedroom. Bed. No. No.

_Not again. Not again. Not again. _

He does nothing though, he just lets them drag him along and press him to the pillows. His eyes slide to the familiar face and his eyebrows furrow. He imagines Kurt is watching over him and then he realises he doesn't want Kurt to see.

It's the last thought he has before someone shouts very, _very _loudly that something is "seizing".

He lets his eyes drift shut.

It's over.

- TBC -

_Was that enough Blangst? _


	6. Chapter 6

Summary: Eli stalks Blaine and in the aftermath of the most traumatic event of his life, Blaine finds himself alone, convinced it's all his fault. Blangst. So much Blangst.

Trigger Warnings: sexual harassment and assault, drug use (date rape), stalking, self-harm, rape, child neglect, homophobia, depression, anxiety, violence, bullying, coarse language, (attempted) suicide, internalised self-hatred, (mild) graphic description of blood/basic first aid.

A/N: Thank you. Just, thank you for being here. This chapter was really hard to write. Really hard. I'm still not happy with it. It's been a long day so let's not make it longer with me talking. Enjoy this chapter! :) It's the longest by far, so sorry about that!

**The Home without a Heart**

Great words once spoken said: happy stories are by their very nature not great stories at all. The telling is fleeting, the feeling never so true when re-imagined, and the memory sweeter when as unspoken secrets between lovers and shared glances between friends.

The stories that change the world aren't ones of smiles because the moment that tugs the heart-strings stirs the being. Great things never pass without feeling. Great victories are battles won uphill.

OoOoOoOoO

He floats between awareness and unconsciousness, and lets someone grip his hand tightly. A life-line anchors him to this world, pours strength into him but ebbs and flows with his mind.

_Blaine, please? I'm here, I love you, please, I love you._

The haunting words slide over him, crash like the ocean against the shore and no matter how hard they scramble for purchase they're sucked back down, away, and he lingers here on the edge of something more.

_Please wake up, Blaine. _

As if he had a choice in the matter.

OoOoOoOoO

The galaxies spin over head, torment him with colour. A thousand stars twinkle out of reach.

_Blaine, son? Are you with us?_

He loses himself in their enchantment, lets them spin secrets where he can't read them and wonders. He wonders at how small he is, how insignificant, how oddly humbling it is to be nothing against the night. To be a tiny break in the surface.

To wonder if he is something more.

_Please Blaine, I'll do anything. _

A thousand promises made.

OoOoOoOoO

The haunting refrain never stops playing, the words of promises long forgotten, of moments that slipped past. Death is not a matter of choice. The world decides and fate plays her hand.

Some are lucky.

Some are not.

OoOoOoOoO

He is aware of sound first. Whispers around him settle like blankets on his skin. He thinks to follow the voices, but never quite makes it.

Not the first time.

OoOoOoOoO

A hand holds his, warm and soft. Another cards through his hair. Someone's head is resting on his shoulder, their body wrapped around his. _Warmth._

It's a thought that makes him smile, but he simply snuggles a little closer and drifts to sleep.

OoOoOoOoO

His eyes blink open and darkness surrounds him except for the gentle glowing from the doorway, where people bustle about quietly with their business. His head is resting on someone's shoulder, their arms around him protectively. He breathes in.

_Kurt. _

He lifts his head to look at Kurt's face, and as always, is struck by its beauty. It feels like he's been away for years, and he's finally coming home.

"Kurt?"

Kurt jolts awake, eyes frantically searching for something until they rest on Blaine.

"You're awake." A smile slips onto his face, wide and sure. "You're awake. Blaine!" Arms gather him close and rock him for a moment.

"Kurt-?"

There are a thousand questions he wants to ask. Why is he in hospital? Why isn't he dead? Did he dream his saviour? Did he dream _Eli _into existence?

"Blaine." Kurt leans closer, his warm breath hits Blaine's ear.

_Tears falling as a tongue catches them. He struggles, squirms, needs to get away. _

His hands force Kurt away; he shifts away to the edge of the bed and wraps his arms around himself. Shuddering, he calms himself. Kurt moves away slowly, stands up and backs away, his eyes betray his breaking heart but his lips whisper, "It's okay I won't hurt you."

Blaine wants to reach out and hold his boyfriend, to tell him he _knows _Kurt will never hurt him, but he can't. Instead he waits until Kurt is almost five feet away, nearing the door before he forces himself to relax against the sheets.

"I'm sorry." He says, avoiding looking at Kurt's gentle smile.

"Don't be." Kurt says softly, but his voice carries the distance, "Do you need me to give you some space?" His hand hesitates on the door.

Blaine shakes his head and questions fill it, and the overwhelming loneliness makes him ache.

Kurt isn't Eli.

He knows that.

"Kurt?"

His boyfriend doesn't answer, but everything about him is poised to listen, eyes fixed on Blaine's face.

"Will you -?" He stretches out his hands and waits until Kurt moves back to him, softly takes both of them in his own and squeezes gently. Tears well up in his eyes and he is so _grateful _that he is here, alive and whole. It almost doesn't matter how he got here.

Kurt lets him set the pace as he slowly leans into the embrace and soaks up Kurt, breathes him and lives him for a moment.

Kurt's arms are safe.

_Warmth. _

It feels like a beautiful dream.

OoOoOoOoO

He wakes up to find Kurt's fingers entwined in his, his boyfriend sits at his bedside with a magazine, but his eyes are fixed on the sheets just above the page and they don't move as Blaine watches him.

Across the room, slumped in a chair, is Christian. He's wearing jeans and his hair is askew and he's going to wake up with a sore back. Yvette is curled into his lap, head tucked against his neck, looking almost as pristine as ever, but there are dark circles under her eyes and her hands are clutching a stuffed bear. He recognises it from his childhood.

The door creaks open and Kurt glances up, he smiles slightly at the new comer.

"Hey Blainers, it's good to see those pretty eyes again."

Cooper stops just within arm's reach but doesn't make a move closer.

Blaine's heart swells because he has control of this. They gave it to him. His space suddenly feels like his own, until his eyes land on Cooper's phone, tucked haphazardly in the pocket of his jeans and his heart stutters.

"Where's my phone?" He whispers and _then _it occurs to him he should have mentioned something about the fact that Cooper has apparently flown in from L.A to see him.

Kurt's hand tightens around his, "Honey."

Silence.

"How am I here exactly? Shouldn't I be dead? I was – there...?"

OoOoOoOoO

"_He's not eating, he barely sleeps," Kurt rests his head in his hands and takes a deep breath. "Dad, I – there's something more going on here."_

_Burt offers him a mocha, and scrubs his head with his hands, worn cap resting on his knees. "Buddy rape is a big thing for a kid to handle, for anyone to handle." _

"_No, Dad, I know Blaine. He's jumpy, he fidgets with things. He locks the car whenever he gets in...God he checks the backseat like he's expecting something there...this is...it's more."_

"_Okay." Burt nods, "Then we're going to his place to talk to his parents and get this in the open. We've given him time but if you're worried about his safety, then that comes first."_

_Kurt Hummel has the greatest father in the world. _

_OoOoOoOoO_

_The house looks dark, Blaine's car sits outside but the other two are gone. He's alone in the house. Are his parents even trying?_

"_What are they thinking?" Kurt seethes as his father parks the car and follows him to the doorway, "They left him alone and – Dad?" He stops and stares at the front door, which is open just a smidgen, letting the cool air drift into the dark foyer beyond. _

_The lock is broken. _

_Burt lifts a finger to his lips and pulls his phone out. Kurt panics and reaches for the door. His father grabs his and pulls him back until he's finished softly speaking on the cell and has hung up. _

"_I go first." Burt doesn't even ask Kurt to wait outside. Blaine is in that house, and there's no force in the universe that will pry Kurt away. _

_The flickering of candles catch their attention and Kurt's breath hitches. Candles, hundreds of them, cover every surface. Roses and leaves and cordate patterns haunt the floor. _

_There's red wine split across the peal table cloth, it seeps into the material like blood. Platters are scattered, a meal uneaten is presented before them. The chair at the head of the table has been tipped backwards. _

_Blaine's usual seat is lying on the floor and there's disturbance in the rose petals there. _

_Before Burt can process the violent remains of romance, Kurt is sprinting upstairs, following the sounds of something – water?_

_Kurt makes it up the stairs two at a time, and almost stumbles over the grey suit jacket at the top of them. It's not Blaine's. _

_Oh God it's not Blaine's. _

_He thunders into the only room with lights on. _

_A man is leaning over a full bath, his shirt sleeves rolled up to his elbows where his arms disappear into the frothy surface below. _

_There's a moment of silence, because Kurt is unnoticed and thoroughly confused. Where is Blaine?_

_The water shifts from below the surface, something shoves Eli back for a second and Kurt catches a glimpse of black hair before it's forced below. _

_His heart falls out of his chest. Blaine. Blaine is drowning. _

_Kurt Hummel is the boy who gets shoved around every day of his life. He's never really shoved back. _

_There's a first time for everything. _

_There's a scramble between the two men as they crash into the floor, water splashes all over him and he doesn't give a damn. The second the bastard is down Kurt is at the bath's edge. _

_Blaine is slumped against the wall, coughing harshly, his eyes are half-lidded. He doesn't respond when Kurt climbs into the bath behind him and stops his body from sliding back below the surface. The limp body falls against his chest like a marionette with cut strings before Blaine makes a wet retching noise. He needs to empty his lungs of the water._

"_Shhhh, Blaine, Shhhh." He rubs his shoulders gently. _

_Kurt works on auto-pilot, letting Blaine's weight drift to the side, his boyfriend can barely sit upright and so Kurt holds him with all his strength as he vomits onto the floor, his whole body shakes with Blaine's. It hurts him, drenches him with fear. _

"_It's okay, I'm here Blaine."_

_His boyfriend doesn't respond, he just weakly rolls his head to the side. "Cooper?"_

"_No sweetheart, Cooper's not here." What's wrong with Blaine? There's a struggle across the bathroom as his father and the man who tried to kill his boyfriend shove each other out of the door and Kurt longs to help his father. His heart tears in two as Blaine's chest heaves and his boyfriend flops back against the tiled edge of the bath and makes a heart-wrenching whine. _

"_Hey." Blaine whispers, and Kurt's heart jumps. A second later his lips tremble because Blaine carries on, "No I'm not."_

"_Not what love?" Kurt whispers, watching his father shove the other guy away, they struggle but the sound of sirens interrupts him. They both pause and then there's a scramble as they sprint for the stairs. Burt has bulk and there's help on the doorstep. Kurt lets him go with worried eyes and looks back at Blaine's hand reaching over the tub before it falls again as water spills over his lips to the floor. _

"_K'rrt?" Blaine moans, his legs slide underneath them and the water sloshes, spilling everywhere, "'urt?"_

"_I'm here baby, I'm here." Please don't give in. He gathers his tiny, sodden boyfriend in his arms and bodily heaves him to his feet, they falter and Blaine's knees collapse before any weight is pressed against them. He shifts them, wonders why Blaine is so void and almost carries him to the bed. Blaine whimpers quietly as he falls against the pillows, his clothes cling to him and his hair curls wetly against his skin. _

_Then Blaine's limbs draw taunt and snap back, his entire body shudders and Kurt is screaming for his father, for the police, for a paramedic, for ANYONE to save his boyfriend because Blaine is seizing and it's scaring him. _

_He reaches forwards and pulls the wet shirt away from Blaine's neck and then stands there, useless as Blaine's body betrays him. _

_Warm arms wrap around Kurt and keep him from collapsing as a female officer bursts into the room. _

_Sweet nothings are whispered in his ear and he just screams, screams for Blaine to wake up, screams for someone to do something. He stands there and screams until the officers become paramedics and the lines blur and Blaine's limp body - face pale, arms slack - is whisked away from Kurt. _

_Then he stops screaming and cries, and Burt gently whispers that they'll pack a bag for Blaine to have when he wakes up. _

_Having something to do helps, until the finds Blaine's textbooks scattered across the floor, an upturned glass beside them. It's not the phone, with his number dialled across the screen that breaks his heart, no, it's much worse than that. _

_It's the moment when he lifts Blaine's pillow to look for his pyjamas and finds a kitchen knife instead that tears his heart right out of his chest and hurls it to the ground. _

_Blaine is so afraid he's taken to sleeping with a knife under his fucking pillow. _

_Kurt is too numb to cry. _

_Instead he leans on his father the entire way to the car and just sits in the waiting room until Yvette Anderson stalks into the room with wide eyes. _

_Christian Anderson appears five minutes later with a haunted look on his face. _

_Finn appears less than two minutes afterwards with Carole at his side and Tina and Artie at his tail. _

_Marley. Sam. Ryder. Kitty. Unique. Jake. Britney. _

_Somewhere, behind all the Glee Club, Sebastian slips in. He says nothing but nods firmly at Kurt and sends texts every five minutes to the other Warblers. Kurt is immensely glad that Burt has called Carole, and evidently Finn has taken it upon himself to co-ordinate the midnight vigil even if Kurt refuses to tell them what happened. _

_Blaine isn't alone. _

_Kurt almost falls apart, because when it counted, he was. _

OoOoOoOoO

Blaine listens to Kurt's story in silence, clutching at his hand with desperation. Kurt's voice is steady, but his bottom lip puckers every few minutes and he blinks furiously occasionally.

Eli is in custody of the Lima Police Department. Blaine is in hospital and the entire Glee Club is camped in the waiting room without asking a single question about _why _he was here.

Cooper walks to the far side of the bed and sits in the spare seat there, glancing fondly at their parents. Blaine notes that both Kurt and Cooper have gravitated to that side of the room. The doorway is clear for him to leave if he wants to.

The unspoken message fills him with a strange feeling. He closes his eyes and pretends to sleep.

He's not sure he can be awake right now, and though he's sure they know what he's doing; neither calls him out on it.

They let him pretend for now.

OoOoOoOoO

Doctors come and go and never say anything that Blaine understands. Sometimes Kurt helps him stand and walk to the bathroom and back. The first time they try it Blaine stumbles and has the sit in Kurt's vacated chair for almost ten minutes whilst the dizziness tilts the room backwards and forwards.

Kurt fusses over him from a distance, hands lightly holding his but not pressuring. Never pressuring.

"Do you feel better?" He asks quietly, as he steadies Blaine's trembling hands. Blaine just moans in response, letting his head rest against Kurt's palm and he nuzzles into the soft skin.

"Mmmm, fine." Beads of sweat drip down his forehead. He leans further into Kurt and lets his boyfriend guide him back to bed where he falls heavily and waits.

It's the side effects of the drug Eli forced him to drink. He hasn't told anyone about that, but the blood work speaks for him.

"Hush," Kurt tells him, and settles at his side with a smile.

Blaine leans against the pillows and waits. Kurt hums quietly until he drifts to sleep.

OoOoOoOoO

It feels weird.

Really weird.

He doesn't tell anyone, but it feels _wrong. _

Eli hasn't contacted him in days.

_It's wrong. _

It's almost worse than hearing from him every ten minutes.

OoOoOoOoO

Gamma-hydroxybutyrate has a salty taste, and it only needs twenty minutes to kick in. GHB, the new date-rape drug.

It's the reason Blaine lost the ability to speak clearly, to think straight and to fight back. It's the reason his muscles starting to involuntarily convulse, no a seizure Kurt tells him relief, but easily mistaken for one.

There is no question in his mind that Eli meant to rape him that night, and that he might have been awake for it scares him in ways he can't explain.

He whispers 'thank you' to Kurt in his mind but he can't say it aloud for fear it will make everything real.

GHB is also the reason he's still trembling four days later, and the reason he can't walk without feeling like the world has been pulled from beneath his feet.

It's the reason he won't drink anything but bottled water that Cooper buys from the local store and brings to him with the seal unbroken.

No one mentions this new strained demand, Cooper acts like it's something they've always done, but his father looks like he's going to cry every time Blaine asks for a new bottle rather than finishing the old one because he's fallen asleep and he can't be sure who touched it.

It makes him feel guilty, but the sensation is not one he wants to repeat. His fingers aren't trembling _just_ because of the drug, but he's glad to use it as an excuse for now.

OoOoOoOoO

There are cops outside his room, waiting. He pretends he can't see his father shooing them away, but he knows they want to talk to him.

What's he going to say?

He hasn't let go of Kurt's hand in two days, even though all he does is sleep. He hasn't cried, though people seem to be waiting for it.

No one comes into his room except his family and Kurt and no one talks about the fact that he was almost raped on Monday night.

They let him lie in the darkness and sleep.

If only they knew he was itching to see his phone. Eli must have called by now. What if he's waiting somewhere?

"Blaine?"

He looks up to see his father's defeated expression and his own face falls.

"They need your statement now."

He nods stiffly and Kurt's thumb rubs soothingly against his write.

"Do you want me to stay?" Kurt asks. _No. _

Kurt doesn't need to hear this, doesn't need to know. He doesn't want to scare him.

Instead, his father sits in Kurt's place and the rest of them leave when it becomes clear Blaine isn't going to accept help beyond the legal requirement for a guardian to be present.

"Hi Blaine," the officer is kind-of pretty, Blaine decides as she seats herself in front of him, laptop in hand. "My name is Chelsea, I'm a Constable at the Lima PD."

She pauses and Blaine watches her eyes flick to her partner, a tall male. "Justin Dennighan." He says.

Blaine wonders if someone has told him to hang back or if he can feel the waves of emotion and is instinctively giving Blaine space.

"Do you mind if I use the laptop to make notes whilst we're talking, Blaine?" Chelsea's smile makes him smile timidly back. She's maternal, but young, and she seems completely unfazed by his messy appearance.

"Okay," she opens a template and turns the computer so he can see the screen as she confirms his details. Then she leaves it like that, "if I type something wrong I want you to tell me." She makes eye contact and doesn't shy away from him like he'll break. "If you want to stop you can, no questions asked. Is that alright?"

Blaine swallows dryly, "Y-yeh, I guess."

She nods and Blaine uses the second to breathe. He doesn't know how to start. The weight lifts off his shoulders as she gently steers him in the right direction.

"Can you tell me his name?"

"Eli."

"Eli...?"

_Eli C._

Blaine realises that Eli actually never mentioned it, just typed it like that in his phone and his Facebook never mentioned one either so he just shrugs. There's a hole in the sheets just near his right hand. He reaches out to run his fingers across it.

"Where did you first meet Eli?" She asks.

The edges are frayed as he plays with the threads. The focus draws his attention and he's quiet for a few minutes. No one speaks, they just wait and he lets them. It's a long story, he supposes.

"The Lima Bean."

He remembers the day because he's planned to have a Skype date with Kurt for Saturday night. He'd been up late so he'd gone for coffee.

OoOoOoOoO

_It happened because he's an idiot. He knows that now, and he'd give anything – anything – to take it back. There was this stupid English Literature paper he'd been struggling with for weeks. _

_Discuss the representation of mental illness in "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. 1000 words. _

_He'd never really liked the book and that's why he'd been a little bitter that Mrs. Wright had assigned it for the term's project. His entire grade had been resting on this stupid, stupid essay that he hadn't had the time to write because he was too busy missing Kurt to function, let alone care about Barthes and Wimsatt and Beardsley and who-ever-the-hell else had an opinion on what the role of an author is once the book is written. It didn't help that some kid, a footballer – Phillip someone – has been shoving him against the lockers hard enough to bruise all week. _

_It didn't help that the house was empty again, open and airy and stupid because his parents were off in Hawaii or Florida or some sunny place where they could escape the "miserable weather of Ohio". Blaine suspected that given the string of gorgeous sunny days they'd been having it had little to do with the sunshine, but he'd never had the heart to openly question it. It was just easier to come home to the house and silently flick on all the lights to pretend he wasn't alone. _

_He'd tried his hardest to do the essay on Saturday night while he waited for his scheduled Skype date with Kurt. He'd settled into his computer with the little Skype icon in the corner so he'd see the moment his beautiful boyfriend logged on. _

_Well, okay, he had spent a good twenty minutes cycling through bow-ties to find the one that looked just right with the green and white sweater vest, but was it really his fault he wanted to look good for Kurt? _

_He'd caught his own eye in the mirror and groaned at the curls coming loose from his gel and then he'd admittedly been distracted trying to put himself back together. Kurt always said he loved him best when he let his out of its smooth prison so he'd gently washed it out and then panicked in front of the mirror trying to smooth it down so at least it was neat. Flushed cheeks and fluttering stomach he'd sat back at the computer. _

_6.55pm. _

_Waiting five minutes for Kurt had seemed so long then. _

_7.05pm. _

_Kurt had apparently been running late. Good thing too, because otherwise Blaine wouldn't have had time to do one last run-through with his comb. _

_7.07pm. _

_He'd simply smoothed the wrinkles on his polo shirt before frowning. Kurt had said seven last time they'd spoken but sometimes things happened. He'd tried to brush the thought off. _

_7.12pm. _

_He'd checked his phone, sliding his fingers over the background photo of his man smiling up at him. No missed calls had greeted him so he'd simply opened the last message from Kurt, which read: _

From: Kurt Hummel [Thurs. 9.18pm]: Tell me Sat. 7pm. Miss you babe. x.

_With a sigh he'd simply typed out a quick text, trying to sound as casual as possible. _

To Kurt Hummel [Sat. 7.17pm]: Hey, are you running late? Can't wait to talk to you! 3

_Then he'd started writing the essay from Hell. _

_He'd written thirty-nine words and it had taken three minutes. Sighing, he had checked the sound on his laptop to be sure he wouldn't miss Kurt's arrival and then his phone. Kurt hadn't replied. _

_He'd then signed in and out of Skype. Just to be sure it was working. _

_Blaine had spent time making up the reasons in his head: Kurt was probably just running late, getting home from work or stuck in traffic or...something. Kurt would remember, because they hadn't spoken properly since Wednesday night and hadn't texted since Thursday and because Kurt missed Blaine as much as Blaine missed Kurt. _

_It was 8.14pm when Blaine had finally pulled his bowtie off, deciding that he'd turn the volume up so he could pack his things for Monday morning even if it was only Saturday and maybe choose an outfit for tomorrow so he could finish the essay without worrying about it. _

_It was 8.32pm when Blaine gently closed Microsoft word because he really didn't feel like working on the stupid essay anyway. _

_It was 8.53pm when he started drafting another message to Kurt. It started as "I miss you" which then changed into "Are you there?" but that had sounded so clingy and stupid and Gosh-Your-Boyfriend-Is-A-Lame-High-School-Kid that he'd just deleted it and started again. "Are we still on for our date? __" had sounded irretrievably worse because that made him sound like he'd just been sitting there for two hours waiting for Kurt and maybe Kurt had gotten caught up in another Rachel drama and he hadn't wanted Kurt to feel guilty for brushing him off to support his friends. Blaine understood that you had to do that sometimes. _

_Sighing he'd just decided to call, because at least then he'd hear Kurt's voice – even for a moment – because he knew Kurt would pick up the phone when he needed him. _

_At 9.16pm Blaine hit call and pressed the phone to his ear. _

_It rang three times before it re-directed to voicemail, which meant that that Kurt had sent the busy tone. Blaine sighed, pulling the phone away from his ear without leaving a message. _

_Kurt smiled up at him from the screen for a moment. _

_Kurt might be too busy for him, but he the sight of those blue eyes shining for him made him feel a little better. _

_He still had Kurt here in his hands. _

_Silence settled over him like a blanket, tugging at his heart. _

_It wasn't until the phone went dark that the room seemed empty. _

_He'd simply sat up, now undeniably awake and restless and starting working on the stupid, stupid essay. _

_It was 3.07am when Blaine Anderson slid into his bed, essay printed and ready for submission. Phone silent. _

_Kurt was still busy then. _

_He'd woken to the oppressive emptiness of his house and called Kurt again, because he'd wanted so badly to talk to someone. _

_The phone rang out. _

_So he'd gone to the one place that reminded him of Kurt: the Lima Bean and he'd spoken to the first friendly face because he'd been so desperate for someone to reach back. _

_He was an idiot. _

OoOoOoOoO

He speaks of the texts, the photos and videos and messages and flowers and gifts. He tells them about the bowtie that made him stop wearing bowties and the time he opened his wallet to find a heart drawn on the back of the coffee receipt.

He whispers about the moments in the Lima Bean and the tears he'd cried in the shower of a motel he can't remember.

The threats, the dinner, the bathtub full of water.

Chelsea types diligently and then pauses when he finishes, she doesn't mention his watery eyes.

"Do you think you could show me the texts?" She asks quietly.

Blaine shrugs, and carefully folds the blankets to hide the worn sheets and the hole he's made worse.

"I have his phone." Christian whispers, his voice cracks and Blaine looks at him for the first time in almost an hour and a half. His father has tear tracks on his cheeks, and half-moon crescents on his palms from clenching his fists too tightly.

Blaine did this.

Blaine made his father cry.

Chelsea reaches across and takes the phone from Christian's outstretched hand and Blaine resists the urge to beg her to tell him if Eli has called.

She confirms the number, so he knows she's not reading texts from someone else and then silently reads them.

"He sent this?" Her eyebrows rise and her eyes dart to him with a wry smile, "Do you think he got it from Google images?"

Blaine knows what she's talking about, it's one of the first, there's no identifying features to speak of. His lips twitch.

"I refuse to believe that's actually him." She turns to her partner and holds the phone out. Justin lets out a barking laugh.

"Dude, ten bucks on Photoshop." Justin turns the phone on its side. "See, look? The next one you practically need zoom to find it."

The corners of Blaine's mouth stretch a little. He catches Chelsea's eye and then sees his father's furrowed brow and he can't help it. He laughs.

It's not until they're gone with the promise to return his phone later that he realises that conversation was quite on purpose. Chelsea has done for him in two hours what no one has done for him, ever.

She's taken away some of that lingering fear.

Blaine feels a little lighter, even if he quietly asks Kurt to walk him to the bathroom and then locks the door and curls up in the corner. He hugs his knees tightly to his chest and lets the tears roll down his face.

Kurt doesn't ask to join him, but Blaine hears him slide down the other side of the door and the presence makes him feel safe.

Maybe he can do this.

Just maybe.

- TBC -

_I'm sorry I haven't replied to your reviews yet, just know that I am so humbled by your support. Thank you._


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary: **Eli stalks Blaine and in the aftermath of the most traumatic event of his life, Blaine finds himself alone, convinced it's all his fault. Blangst. So much Blangst. Spoilers 4.04. NonCon. Stalking.

**TRIGGER WARNING: The following work of fiction contains discussions, references to or EXPLICIT depiction of: sexual harassment and assault, drug use (date rape), stalking, self-harm, rape, child neglect, homophobia, depression, anxiety, violence, bullying, coarse language, suicide, internalised self-hatred. **

**A/N: **I have nothing productive to say except that I love you all and I am so thankful for your support :) and there's really nothing more worth saying than that. So thank you.

The Home Without A Heart (part 7)

The tears have stopped for now, it's just nice to sit in the dark bathroom for a moment and enjoy being alone, even though he knows Kurt is right outside the door because he can see his shadow under it, shifting. Kurt is no doubt worried.

He's just considering standing up when the silence breaks suddenly.

"Sir! Sir! You can't be in here!" The familiar voice of a nurse is shouting distantly from the corridor. "Guests are-!"

"WHERE IS HE?" A voice thunders and then there's a terrifyingly close slam and then Kurt's shadow is gone.

"Shut up!" Kurt's shrill voice answers and Blaine waits quietly, holding his breath. "You're going to scare him!"

Someone is panting heavily, gasping like they've run a marathon. "You!"

"Kurt?" Another voice, more restrained asks. It sounds familiar somehow. He trusts Kurt to handle this.

"You were meant to _protect _him. You promised us." The first voice sounds broken, it cracks slightly.

Blaine's heart skips a beat. _He knows that voice. _It's Kurt's answer that catches his attention.

"I know." It's quiet, resigned.

Kurt can't possibly feel guilty for all of this! What is he thinking? It's Blaine's fault, and then Eli's and not in any way Kurt's fault. Not at all.

"I'm sorry, I just...where's Blaine?"

Kurt doesn't answer verbally, and Blaine realises idly that he's still on the floor of the tiny bathroom. He pulls the box of tissues from the bench and scrubs the tear-tracks off his cheeks. He's just summoning the courage to stand up and fight off the overwhelming dizziness that usually follows that action when there's a hesitant knock at the door.

"Blaine?" The first voice asks, "Are you alright, buddy?"

His lips twitch at the term of affection, "Worrying about the state of hospital security!" he calls back as brightly as he can.

"Oh, they'll be fine in a week or so." The second voice cheerfully replies, but there's a muffled grunt and then Kurt's voice carries through the door.

"Honey, you're safe here. Okay?"

Blaine takes a steadying breath because he's pretty sure his two best friends have just proven Kurt wrong, but he also knows Kurt would have summoned an army if the intruders had of been anything other than two loveable recently graduated Warblers.

"It's just Wes and David," Kurt carries on calmly.

"What do you mean _just _Wes and David?" Someone asks indignantly. Blaine imagines David's look of mock offence from a thousand memories of its comic appearances.

"Can we come in, sweetie?" Kurt asks over David's muffled voice.

Blaine moves to stand up but his head spins against him and he falls back to the floor with a moan.

"Blaine, are you alright?" The door opens slowly and Kurt appears at his side, gently brushing his sweaty hair to one side and holding his shoulders so he doesn't slide to the side and collapse altogether.

"Just dizzy." He assures his stunningly handsome boyfriend. "Hey guys."

Wes looks like he's out of breath, his face is flushed red and his clothes are crinkled. David stands beside him with the expression of a Mother Hen and alternates between staring Kurt and Blaine.

"Can you walk back to bed or do you need me to get the nurse?" Kurt asks gently.

"Mmm," it seems like a good response at the time but apparently it's pushed David over the edge because he carefully bustles forward and scoops the younger Warbler into his arms.

Kurt makes a move to stop David from getting too close, and Blaine remembers how he flinches at everyone these days but this is David. It's different. David and Wes saved him from his own misery after the Sadie Hawkins.

He has no doubt they can save him now, and so he stretches his arms up and wraps them around David's neck and doesn't complain when he's pulled into a bear-hug and carried gently over to his bed where Kurt and Wes are fussing over blankets and pillows. Wes looks half-criminal as he accuses Kurt of fluffing them incorrectly.

"It's how he likes it," Kurt says calmly.

"He also likes ice-cream but I hope you haven't been feeding him that _all week_."

Blaine shifts his head on David's shoulder to get a better look at them but regrets it immediately as his neck loses the ability to be of any use and his head falls limply back, sliding off David's shoulder altogether. He's aware of David faltering under his suddenly quite dead-weight and the arguing has melted behind the buzzing in his ears.

"Blaine!"

"Oh God! Is he unconscious?!"

"Put him down you barbarian!"

He feels hands shifting him and carefully settling him on the bed. He blinks a few times as the world slowly rights itself.

Kurt is at his side again, hands clasped tightly over one of his. Wes and David and on his other side, Wes has his other hand cradled to his chest, David is peering over his shoulder biting his lip.

"You with us again, Blaine?" Kurt asks, his thumbs brushing lightly over Blaine's wrist.

"Yeh, I'm good now." He makes a mental note not to sit up again for too long.

"Should we call a nurse?" Wes interjects, casually playing with Blaine's fingers now that the crisis has passed. It's kind of relaxing, or it would be, if it wasn't something Kurt liked to do...you know, after _things _happen. Blaine squeezes his hand tightly to get him to stop.

"Nah it's fine. Just happens sometimes." He shrugs it off, because it does happen so often it's getting a bit routine and his mind is drifting to Kurt's slightly messier than usual hair and imagining running his fingers through it. He has a vague memory of Eli doing that right before his head was forced under water and –

"So why are you here?" Blaine asks a little too loudly.

"Wes heard a rumour the Lima Bean is baking caramel cheesecake now and we just couldn't resist being here for the grand launch." David rolls his eyes but the tension melts a little and Wes looks less like he wants to call for help from the nurse who has apparently decided security doesn't need to be called.

"Cake is a serious business." Blaine nods wisely and Kurt buries his head against their hands with a groan.

OoOoOoOoO

It's all going well for a while. Cooper ducks his head in and sees the Warblers, smiles brightly at them and after a round of hugs then he disappear so they can catch up. It turns out Wes had been working through a particularly boring college reading assignment when Cooper had called and explained Blaine was in hospital.

David had somehow been contacted – there was some confusion over who Cooper deemed important enough to call _first_ – and they'd caught the first flight to Ohio, argued with security at the hospital and forced their way into the ward. Thus, they'd achieved what the entire Glee club had failed to do thus far.

"You guys realise I'm being discharged later today?" Blaine asks with some amusement.

"Even when you're still collapsing all over the place like before?" Wes asks with some surprise.

"Just a side effect of the drugs, it should stop in a few days." Kurt has a fond smile he uses on Blaine whenever the topic comes up, like he's carefully reminding him to be strong.

"What drugs?"

Blaine suddenly can't look at them, his eyes tear down to that frayed hole in this blanket that has steadily been getting worse over the past few days. There are a few threads –

"What happened to you Blaine?"

-that are long enough for him to start to plait. Weaving the together is has become another habit of his lately, and it's pretty –

"Blaine?"

-soothing. Yes, there's something soothing about it, he confirms to himself.

"Blaine?"

He shrugs because the story is a long one, so long he's only told it once, and not even Kurt knows it in its entirety. Just him, _Eli, _the smiling police officer Chelsea, her kind-of not-so-bad partner Justin and his father know.

It's a start anyway.

"Oh David and Wesley, it's so lovely to see you again!" They all turn to the door to see Yvette there, with a beautiful sundress on and her long hair curling at her shoulders in a way reminiscent of Blaine's.

"Mrs. Anderson," they both stand up to greet her and Blaine is reminded of the Warblers in their easy confidence and charming grins. Never mind that an hour before they'd been hiding behind Cooper trying to explain to hospital staff that they were essentially family and so the restrictions to visitation didn't apply to them.

Thank God for Cooper's charming smile.

Blaine is just glad the moment has passed. He's not ready yet.

OoOoOoOoO

Yvette, it turns out, was there to oversee his release from the Hospital. With Blaine conscious again, and the side-effects of the GHB being the only lingering issue the Doctors had agreed he was probably fine to leave.

Kurt has to leave to fifteen minutes to call his work, which surprises Blaine because somehow he's forgotten that Kurt was ever in New York, and it makes him ache all over again, because Kurt will have to go back.

In the mean time, Yvette calls the Doctor and they wait together for his final check-up.

She looks familiar to Blaine and no matter how hard he wracks his brain he can't quite remember her.

"How are you feeling today, Mr. Anderson?" She asks hesitantly. Something about her makes Blaine want to reach out and hug her.

"I'm alright."

"That's good," She nods, "Now I've just been informed that you are the victim of an alleged rape –,"

_Alleged? _

"-and though it was some time ago I just wanted to confirm your sexual health."

_Alleged?_

"What do you mean?" Yvette has her bottom lip between her teeth, and though she seems unsurprised at the word _rape _so apparently Christian is keeping her informed, she seems uneasy. "He's fine."

"Mrs. Anderson," the woman shifts her gaze to Blaine's mother, "Sexually transmitted diseases are quite common, particularly among young adults who are sexually active. It's important we establish Blaine hasn't contracted something."

"Like what?" Yvette asks, her hands search out Blaine's and give a tight squeeze.

"Do you remember if a condom was used, Blaine?"

He shakes his head, he doesn't remember anything. Where is Kurt?

"Then it's best to be safe and conduct the necessary tests."

"But you did blood-word already...?" Blaine argues faintly. He doesn't want to do this. _Where is Kurt?_

"Yes, but we were testing for residue drugs within a short window of time, we were unaware a sexual interaction had occurred." The Doctor takes a deep breath, "Blaine, we'd like to conduct a routine check to ensure there's no lingering damage from -."

He knows exactly what she's talking about and he feels like falling into the centre of the Earth. His mother is right there; could this be any more embarrassing?

He's oddly relieved Kurt isn't here because he doesn't want anyone to bear witness to this.

"Is that alright Blaine?"

He zones back in to find the two women looking at him expectantly. "Sorry?" He asks faintly.

"I was asking for your permission to conduct a brief check-up?"

"Oh, I'm fine." He says quietly.

"Blaine..."

"Okay." He nods and just closes his eyes to pretend he's not here.

"I'll wait outside then." His mother says softly and the sound of the shutting door makes him curl tightly into himself.

"Would you like me to contact a male doctor, Blaine? Myself and the assisting nurse, Helen won't be offended at all."

He shakes his head and they wait in silence until Helen arrives.

This is so awkward.

OoOoOoOoO

The second the doctor leaves Kurt is back at his side, seething at something but he refuses to talk about it with Blaine and instead tells him Wes and David have headed out to a motel to stay closer by for a few days. Westerville was apparently too far away.

He's oddly touched by the thought.

His mother returns later with a bright smile and holds up some signed papers. "Ready to go home, Blainey-Bear?"

'Blainey-bear?' Kurt mouths at him and Blaine rolls his eyes before pointing to the teddy bear she's been moving around the room for the past four days. Cooper had named it and to his horror, the name had stuck.

Helen, the nurse, returns with a wheelchair and he slumps into it as Kurt wheels him out o the Hospital and to the car.

It feels like he's leaving house after a particularly brutal storm to find everything is still where he left it. He wasn't honestly expecting things to be turned upside down, but it feels so strange that they aren't.

Kurt loads him into the car whilst Yvette tunes the radio in the front seat. They've agreed that Kurt will come with them and head home later when Burt leaves the shop. Christian has to work, he's taken too many sick days and Cooper has insisted he won't be able to help Yvette all alone.

Blaine suspects this is a ruse to make him feel less guilty about the fact that Kurt is coming home with him yet again instead of doing the thousands of other things he could be doing.

He realises he hasn't exactly asked after him much lately, but this whole thing has sort of dragged his mind elsewhere.

He resolves to talk to Kurt soon as he's drawn up against his boyfriend's smooth chest.

He waits and moment as Yvette starts the engine. He wants to ask.

Kurt won't think less of him surely?

He bites his lip, eyes darting to the door and back.

Kurt's eyebrows furrow gently, and then, casually as anything, he flicks the lock on the door, squeezes Blaine's shoulder and asks brightly, "I found my Phantom of the Opera DVD last night, do you want to watch it when we get you home?"

Blaine melts against the warm skin.

He's not sure what he ever did to earn Kurt as a boyfriend, but he's thankful he did it.

OoOoOoOoO

It's the first time he's walked into the house since it happened. It's clean as always, and there are no rose petals in sight, but the lock on the front door is different.

It's slightly unsettling but it's fine. It's his house after all.

Between Cooper and Kurt he somehow makes it to his room and it's been hastily tidied, all his textbooks are stacked neatly on the desk.

His eyes linger on the place Eli shoved him to the floor and straddled him.

"Comfortable?" Cooper asks eagerly.

_No. _"Yes."

His hand slides under the pillow, searching, but his knife is gone. It's fine.

He doesn't need it now.

"You alright?"

"Yeh, fine."

It's fine. He doesn't need it.

OoOoOoOoO

Kurt snuggles beside him to watch movies, and they half-heartedly discuss the various Phantoms over the years and whilst they agree the move itself is the best for eye-candy nothing can beat the live performance.

"Plus," Kurt says dreamily, "the Sarah Brightman version of this song is just so beautiful."

"Hmmm," Blaine responds, because _it is, _but it's not his favourite song of hers.

He sighs.

"Kurt?"

"Yeh, honey?"

"Don't you have to work?"

Kurt smiles slightly, "Officially I have a very contagious strand of the flu. Isabelle has swung a week or two off for me."

"Oh."

"Oh?"

"And then I guess you're just gonna go back to New York?"

"Well...I-?"

"You shouldn't be here with me."

"I want to be."

"I-I just, you can't be here forever."

"You need me."

_I'm so sick of needing people. _He doesn't deny it, instead he gently presses his lips to Kurt's and says with as much emotion as he can, "Thank you."

Kurt moves his lips against Blaine's in response and Blaine melts into the love. It's so pure and strong. He moves faster, pressing himself against Kurt's body, hands wander over well-explored skin. He slides his tongue over Kurt's pink lips, seeking entrance, and tastes the sweetness that is so distinctly Kurt.

He could do this forever. He lets his hands tangle in the coiffed hair and drags the lithe body to cover him. Kurt's hands wind into his hair and the moment deepens. It's the first time they've kissed like this since they broke up and he pours everything into it. The need, the want, the love he has for Kurt spills into the space between them. His legs draw up and wrap around Kurt's waist, pulling him closer.

Their hips draw together and the romance heightens, teeters on the edge of passion and dies the second Kurt pulls away.

"Blaine, what are you doing?"

"Kissing my boyfriend."

"Are you sure you want this after everything that's happened?"

This is the room that Eli wrapped a possessive hand around him and ground his hips into Blaine. This is the room that Eli's fingers forced his face to turn back to him so his rough tongue could catch tears as they spilt from eyes clenched shut.

This is the room Eli poured GHB down his throat and whispered sweet nothings against his ear.

It _can't _be that room.

He wants it to be the room Kurt and he made love in. The room they kissed in.

"Yes, I...I need it, I need you." He reaches up to bring Kurt back down over him.

"I don't think we should be doing this." Kurt says, and unwraps Blaine's legs from his. Blaine's legs fall to the sheets.

"Why?" Kurt doesn't want him. He should have known. He's used, he's broken, damaged. Who would want him?

"Blaine I don't think this is healthy."

Right. He could be diseased He'd forgotten about that. Diseased, broken Blaine.

_Just fucking great. _It's got a nice ring to it.

"Right." He's trying really hard not to pout.

"Don't be like that, Blaine. I'm saying this because I love you."

"Yeh, sure." God, he's seen the way Kurt hesitates to touch him sometimes, and he feels _so stupid. _

"Blaine you're not exactly dealing with all of this." Kurt points out, his face is flushed the way it gets when he's angry but his voice doesn't betray anything.

"Dealing with what?" Blaine asks. "_The fact that I was fucking sexually assaulted right where you're standing? _How the FUCK am I meant to deal with that?"

"I don't know." Kurt's honestly startles him; his boyfriend looks as lost as he feels. There are tears in Kurt's blue eyes, shining brightly against Blaine's anger. "I don't know, Blaine."

"I just...I wanted this to not be the room that – _that-," _he can't explain it so he looks helplessly at Kurt like Kurt will understand him.

"I knew this was a bad idea- _oh no –_No honey, not us, not you, not me. That's always a good idea, no I love you." Kurt stumbles back to the bed, "No, no, I love you." Hands draw him close. "Please don't cry baby, _please." _

He lets Kurt rock him slightly and between the dizziness that's making him feel like collapsing and the terror that Kurt is going to leave him he just can't stop, even with Kurt whispering in his ear.

"I meant bringing you here. I knew it was too soon." Kurt lets him huddle closer. He's close enough to feel Kurt's chest shuddering with emotion.

He made Kurt cry.

He's the worst boyfriend ever.

He draws himself up and brings Kurt's head to his shoulder and tries his best to steady them both without swaying too much.

"It's okay, it's alright." He whispers into the brunet's hair.

"No it's not." Kurt sniffles into his neck.

"No." He agrees. "It's not."

OoOoOoOoO

Blaine starts awake to find himself alone. His hand automatically reaches for the reassuring steel under the pillow, but he remembers it's gone. Cautiously he stands, and when the wave of nausea passes he decides to find company.

He would shout out, but what if someone's _here. _He fights the urge to barricade himself in the bathroom and sets out to find Kurt.

He makes it to the stairs before he hears the voices.

Christian sounds positively _pained. _"This is our home, what would you have us do?" He's saying.

Blaine leans against the staircase, hidden from view and waits.

"He's not comfortable here." Kurt replies. "This is the house he was _assaulted _in."

There's a murmur Blaine can't understand.

"Are you kidding me?" Burt's voice cuts in. "Just because he's safe here doesn't mean he _feels _safe."

"So we're supposed to just move out?" Yvette asks.

"Well it's obviously not a practical solution at the moment." Carole says diplomatically. Why is Kurt's whole family here? Well, except Finn by the sounds of things.

"I can bring him to the motel." Cooper replies before either of his parents can.

"I'm not having my son living in a motel!" Yvette sighs. "That's not exactly healthy or stable."

"No I agree," Burt carries on, "He needs a family environment, somewhere safe and familiar."

"Are you really -?"

"He'd be safe."

"With you?" Yvette cuts across again, "Are you serious? You're the whole reason he's in this mess!"

"_Excuse me?" _Burt hisses.

Blaine frowns, and sits on the edge of the steps, resting his head in his hands. He strains to hear his mother's response.

"Oh come on, don't play naive!" Christian spits back.

"If he wasn't in this _little phase _of his he never would have spoken to -,"

"_Little phase?" _Kurt sounds positively dangerous.

"You can't actually-!" Burt says loudly.

"Oh you think we don't know? People _your _type just attract things like this! How do we even know he didn't just _want _it and change his story because you found out?"

_They thought...he cheated...he wanted...that Eli..._

"He tried to drown him!" Cooper says loudly.

_He almost died and they – they think..._

"You can't quit being gay!" Kurt shrieks.

"They're no different than any other kids!"

"Burt! Sit down!"

"Maybe if he had tried harder."

"Tried harder?" Kurt sounds like he's almost laughing, or he would be, if he didn't sound so choked on tears.

"To not be _that _way."

_His mother thinks he...it was his fault...he...his father just said..._

"How dare you -?"

There's a loud thump, several shouts of indiscriminate words and then the front door slams.

_His parents..._

He looks at his hands. Kurt had told him it wasn't his fault.

It was rape.

They were...

_His father just said..._

"Shit, Blaine, how long have you been there?"

"_Blaine?" _

"Oh, sweetheart."

"I'm gonna hit him again."

_His parents think it's his fault. _

_He should have tried harder. _

He looks up at Burt, Carole, Cooper and Kurt as they stand at the bottom of the stairs.

"Was this my fault?" He whispers brokenly. "Did I...did I deserve this?"

"No." They all say simultaneously.

Cooper is scrambling up the stairs and drawing him into his arms like he did when he was little. "No Blainers, it's not your fault. Don't listen to them."

Kurt's arms wrap around both of them from the other side.

Carole appears a moment later, and Kurt shifts behind Blaine, hugging his torso tightly, as she takes his other side against her. Burt sits on the steps in front of him and reaches up to take his hands. Squeezing them softly he looks into Blaine's eyes.

"This was not your fault, Blaine."

He lets them hold him close as he sits there in shock.

_Maybe if he had tried harder. _

"I love you Blaine." Kurt tells him.

"Love you so much Blainers."

"You'll be okay kid."

"It wasn't your fault."

He lets them hold him close. Warmth and love filtered into him and breathed deep.

It wasn't his fault.

It.

Wasn't.

His.

Fault.

For the first time in three weeks, Blaine Anderson believes it. _It wasn't his fault. _

"Mr. Hummel?" He whispers quietly.

"Yeh Blaine?"

"Did you just hit my father?"

Burt smiles slightly, "Just a little bit."

- TBC -

_Thanks for reading! : ) _


	8. Chapter 8

Summary: Eli stalks Blaine and in the aftermath of the most traumatic event of his life, Blaine finds himself alone, convinced it's all his fault. Blangst. So much Blangst. Spoilers 4.04. NonCon. Stalking.

TRIGGER WARNING: The following work of fiction contains discussions, references to or EXPLICIT depiction of: sexual harassment and assault, drug use (date rape), stalking, self-harm, rape, child neglect, homophobia, depression, anxiety, violence, bullying, coarse language, suicide, internalised self-hatred.

A/N: Wow. Just thank you, to everyone. I don't even have words for how much I appreciate all the support you have given me.

The Home Without A Hear (Part 8)

He leans his head on Cooper's strong shoulder and just breathes for a moment. Carole gently squeezes his arm.

"Blainers?" Cooper asks from somewhere above his head.

"Yeh?"

Cooper smells like lavender, he notes with a slight smirk. It's either a bottle left behind from his last girlfriend or Cooper's been using their mother's body wash again.

"Are you comfortable staying in the house?"

It's a loaded question. Blaine glances at Burt, who still has his hands clasped gently. The older man is watching them intently, waiting for the answer. Blaine knows whatever he says Burt will act on.

He wonders if this is how fathers are meant to be. His own seems like a stranger sometimes, it's hard to remember what he was like before he came out, before things changed. He shrugs slightly.

"It's home." He replies, because it is. This is the staircase he fell down when he learnt to walk. His mother made the Superman cake for his third birthday in that kitchen right over there. Cooper taught him to build towers out of playing cards at the dining table. His father was standing in the living room the last time he'd said he was proud of him – _even if it was six years ago_.

He was here when he came out and his mother cried like he'd broken her heart and his father had shaken his head and told him quite clearly that he was mistaken. He was here when he tried to numb the pain, to escape Eli.

He's right here surrounded by people but he feels impossibly alone, because the ones that really matter, the ones who are _genetically _pre-disposed to love him think he's lying about all of this. It feels like he's failed some cosmic test and this is the punishment.

"It's home," he repeats quietly, "but sometimes that's not enough."

OoOoOoOoO

Blaine sits on the bed clutching the duffle closely. Cooper and Kurt are on the floor arguing over clothes he'll need to take with him. Well, not arguing. He's quite sure they're doing it to keep his mind off things.

"Bowties!" Cooper says loudly, "Blaine, where are they?"

He starts and looks at Cooper's frown as his brother empties another drawer on the floor.

"Not there." He says simply. He _still _hasn't explained exactly what happened to his brother and in return Cooper has quietly let him ignore this issue.

"Oh." Cooper's jaw drops slightly and he shouts a panicked look at Kurt whose face registers shock for a moment before smoothing over.

"No bowties then?" Kurt confirms.

Blaine nods, his eyes dart to the wardrobe and he wonders at the little box tucked away there. He picks up the iPod on from his bedside table and packs it away trying to ignore Kurt and Cooper fiercely whispering. He can't quite make out what they're saying, so he waits until Kurt leaves the room with a bright promise of returning with cookies before turning to Cooper with calculating eyes.

"So?" Cooper asks, he looks a little uncomfortable, but he sits there, gazing at his brother with a hopeful expression.

"Behind the dresser."

"Behind the-?" Cooper is moving even as he speaks and Blaine just watches him calmly. It kind of feels like he's letting someone into a secret, but he's oddly emotionally disconnected from it. It's not _his _secret. Not anymore.

Cooper shoves the heavy wooden dresser to the side and reaches behind it. His hands emerge with the package. He looks at Blaine with confusion and then opens it carefully.

The red and blue bowtie sits on the top. Blaine holds his breath. Cooper handles it with care as he sets it on the floor. _Eli had stood there once_.

A coffee receipt is next, a black heart drawn into it.

Little letters, slipped into the mail box, left on his bed, tumble out after. Cooper picks one up and Blaine watches his brother's lips mouth the words of the note. He has them memorised.

_Blaine. I have never loved anyone more. You will always be mine. _

The feeling comes back to him like it was there all along. Without looking at the box again, he imagines it's back behind the dresser where it belongs and stands up.

"He sent all this?"

"All of it."

"Why didn't you get help?" Cooper chokes, "Why didn't you make him stop?"

_It's not that easy, Cooper. _

He doesn't want to be in this room right now, so he simply walks straight out.

OoOoOoOoO

He finds Kurt in the kitchen, arranging every kind of biscuit they have on a plate. He moves forwards and wraps his arms around Kurt's waist from behind, resting his head on his shoulder so he can see the plate. He needs to feel loved. He needs Kurt.

"Hey love." He whispers, and feels Kurt melt backwards into his arms.

"Hey." Kurt murmurs. "What are you doing down here?" He twists in Blaine's grip so he's facing Blaine without ever leaving his arms.

"Just wanted to see you."

Kurt's head tips down to rest his forehead on Blaine's and their eyes connect. "I'm glad." Kurt runs his hands through Blaine's hair carefully. "Where's Cooper?"

"Right here." Cooper looks guilty, as he moves into the room and takes in the boys in each other's arms. "Blaine about before: I'm sorry."

"It's fine." Admittedly, it was unfair to let Cooper just open up a box of mementos without any warning what-so-ever but how do you introduce that to someone without looking like an idiot?

_Why hadn't he thrown it all out? _

He ignores his mind, he knows why.

"No, it's not." Cooper insists and Kurt's arms tighten around Blaine, "I had no right to ask you that."

_Why didn't you get help?_

_Why didn't you make him stop?_

It wasn't his fault. He repeats to himself. It wasn't.

He's pretty sure it wasn't anyway.

...Why _didn't _he get help?

OoOoOoOoO

He's shoving the last of his toiletries into a bag when there's a knock of the door. "Blaine?"

He whirls around to see his father lingering in the doorway, a growing bruise marks Christian's cheek just below his right eye. Blaine winces in sympathy, Burt clearly didn't pull his punches. "Hi," the shampoo in his hand falls the remaining distance to the bag with an audible thud. Christian takes in the bag, biting down on his lip. "Oh, is this...I mean, I don't have to go?" Blaine offers.

Christian smiles softly and moves forwards, taking the raspberry hair gel from the shelf and turning it over in his hands, "No, Blaine. I think you should go."

His heart stops beating. Is this it? Is he finally being kicked out? _Oh God. _"Right." _Don't cry Blaine, just don't. _

"You're not happy here are you?" Christian continues, oblivious to Blaine's impending meltdown. "You don't feel safe." His father's hands gently grasp his own, pressing the bottle into them. "Why should you? We didn't protect you."

"I didn't exactly give you the chance."

_Gee Blaine, you sure sound self-deprecating today. _

"I wish you had." Christian murmurs, and he moves closer. "You're my son, Blaine."

"Yeh." Blaine scowls at his father, and shoves the hair gel into his bag so he's not standing there holding it like an idiot. He turns back to the shelves and scoops up his toothbrush, snapping it into a travel case. "You think this is my fault."

"No I – well, _Blaine." _

He closes the bag and stands there staring at his father awkwardly. Are all their deep and meaningful conversations going to happen in bathrooms from now on?

"You have to understand, son, that this has been difficult for your mother and I." Christian runs his hands through his hair. "It's not fair of us to blame you. You were never meant to hear that, it's just – we need something to blame."

Blaine wants to ask why they can't blame the man who did this but instead he nods. He doesn't understand why they don't love him the way they love Cooper but honestly, this is an old battle. It's not going to be won today.

He's not giving up; he's just letting it go because when his father smiles brightly and claps him on the shoulder he feels like he's doing something right. Even if he'll hate himself later.

OoOoOoOoO

His mother looks like she's been crying as she draws him into her arms and whispers soothing nothings in his ear like he's a child. She does that sometimes, when his _issues _get too much for her she just pretends he's the little boy she liked better.

He wishes he had the confidence to tell her that he's still the _same _boy.

"Be good for the Hummels, Blainey," She tells him as she smooths his hair, "this isn't forever. We're going to find somewhere to rent until you're better."

_He's not sick. _

"It's just one night, okay son?" Christian clasps his shoulder firmly, "Cooper's going to stay with you."

Cooper nods and shoulders both of their bags and then proceeds to complain the _entire _way to Burt's truck that Blaine has loaded rocks into the bottom just to make it heavier.

"I did not!"

"No, that's just his hair-gel."

Blaine throws Kurt a snide look.

"We've been through this honey; you don't have to use the whole bottle at once." Kurt pats his hand as they climb in.

Blaine puts on his best pout, the one he usually reserves for convincing Kurt to buy ice-cream before movies, and waits. It takes a moment before Kurt's resolve crumbles and he's pressing his lips to Blaine for a chaste kiss.

"That was cheating." Kurt whispers in his ear.

OoOoOoOoO

He's so busy trying to defend the right to choose what you put in your hair – _and it is an important issue – _that he completely forgets to ask Kurt to lock the doors on the truck. That is, until he remembers.

They're halfway to the Hummel's house. He can't exactly ask now, can he? Trying not to think about it, he looks down at Kurt's hand entwined with his. He runs his forefinger over the lines on Kurt's palm. He's doing fine.

_He's fine. _

Burt pulls up to a stop and he notices in the mirror, that Cooper's rental car is following behind with Carole in the front seat. It's fine.

They aren't stalking him, just following.

"Honey?" Kurt asks quietly, "You're tense."

He forces himself to relax. _It's fine, Blaine. _He repeats to himself. He can do this.

"Just don't let go." He whispers and Kurt doesn't it.

If Burt drives a little faster it's probably just because he wants to get into the warmth of home. It has nothing to do with Blaine feeling safe again.

Blaine appreciates the gesture all the same.

OoOoOoOoO

Burt ushers them through the door and it's like coming _home. _Carole and Cooper bustle through a moment later and there's a lot of pushing and shoving and loud talking as they establish themselves. Carole is making coffees, Cooper is making a nest of blankets for himself on the couch and there's loud discussion about the next football game from Burt.

Finn appears at some stage, Blaine isn't really sure, because for a guy who towers over everyone he seems timid to enter the room. He greets Cooper politely and then shuffles his feet and glances at Kurt awkwardly.

Blaine's heart speeds up for a second and he lets Kurt whisk him upstairs to the spare bedroom. The last time he was here Finn told him he wasn't welcome.

He wonders if he'll ever feel _at home _anywhere again. Eli's influence seeps into everything and it just, sometimes it hurts so much he wants to rip his own heart out.

He tried being tough against it. The heart made of stone shatters less often, but his belongs to Kurt. He can't shut Kurt out. He can't shut out loving Kurt who puts his things down and pulls him to the bed for a hug.

Kurt doesn't pressure him, but he gently breaks them apart when Blaine gets hesitant. It's hard, because sometimes he wants nothing more than Kurt on him, _in him, _to erase Eli's presence, to wipe him away but other times he can't stand anyone touching him.

Isn't he meant to pick one feeling and go with it? That's what all the websites say.

Of course they also insist on calling the victim "_she". _So _fuck them_ really.

It's hard to be strong, but Kurt's understanding smile makes it easier.

OoOoOoOoO

Kurt's insists on taking a shower after dinner so that he doesn't miss out on hot water with Blaine in the house. "_It must take days to wash that gel out, Blaine!" _So Blaine sits in the spare room and wonders what to do. He's somewhat glad for the time alone to be honest. Even if his thoughts keep drifting to all the things he doesn't want to think about.

Eli is in custody. He knows that much, but it doesn't make him feel much better. Despite being at the Hummel's, and therefore safer, more surrounded by people he loves, it's also eerily similar to the moment you leave the seat of the swing at the very peak of its journey. He's almost floating, hoping he'll land back in its safety, knowing it's inevitable he will.

His heart skips a beat anyway.

"Hey dude."

Blaine spins around so fast his legs almost collapse underneath him. "Finn!"

"Umm...hi." Finn smiles awkwardly and tugs on his shirt. It's chequered, and there's a collar. _Has he been raiding Mr. Schue's wardrobe? _"So I wanted to say, like, sorry and stuff for you know, telling you that you weren't welcome here. Cuz you are."

Finn's lack of eloquence always makes Blaine smile a little, because even though he doesn't know the words, his heart is in the right place and he somehow manages to communicate it anyway. Blaine on the other hand, has a thousand words at his disposal and he can't find a single one to explain how he's feeling right now.

"It's cool man." He assures, because it really is. Finn had been trying to protect Kurt. He can understand that. It's not Finn's fault Blaine is so broken that it _hurt _to hear it. He doesn't say that of course, because that would be nearing a conversation he's not really interested in having with Finn.

This is unfortunate because Finn seems to be happy ploughing on. "So my mom told me what happened with like the guy or whatever, and man, that sucks."

_To put it mildly. _

"I think she tried to explain but I don't really get it." Finn says, "Cuz Rachel used to text me all the time and it was easy to ignore her."

Blaine doesn't move.

"I just wanted to say that I'm here for you and Glee Club too, but don't worry I won't say anything unless you ask me to." Finn shuffles his feet. He's not as put-together as Mr Schue is and it shows at times like these, but he is trying.

Finn smiles warmly at him and waits a second. When it becomes clear Blaine isn't going to respond beyond the strained smile on his face Finn leaves quietly.

OoOoOoOoO

Blaine busies himself by venturing downstairs and offering to do the dishes for Carole and Burt. He needs something to keep his hands busy. He's just drying the last of them when Kurt appears, wearing jeans and a loose tee. His hair is slightly damp and his cheeks are still flushed from the heat of the water.

He takes Blaine's breath away.

"You look amazing."

Kurt looks slightly bemused, "I haven't finished my moisturising routine yet."

"You don't need to." Blaine assures him, "Come here."

Blaine closes the distance between them, drawing Kurt's slimmer figure against him. Kurt's lips taste sweet. He runs his tongue across them, seeking entrance and then pushes his way into Kurt's warm mouth.

"I want you." He whispers when they break for air, because it's been so long since he's had him. There's nothing quite like the way those jeans hug Kurt's figure to set him over the edge.

"Want me how?" Kurt's fingers are sliding under Blaine's shirt to run lightly across the dark hair dusting his stomach, drifting lower.

"_Kurt," _he gasps, and his hands drag down to Kurt's jeans, sliding under the material there, so close. He pushes his boyfriend backwards against the bench, and Kurt arches up into him, hips meet and tongues clash. Kurt's hands are in his hair, pulling almost painfully with need.

He adjusts, rocking his hips, and _oh – oh god – "Kurt." _

Kurt makes a gasping noise that sounds almost like a whine, their lips separate for a moment so their eyes can connect then they meet again.

Blaine pushes Kurt back again; their hips roll together in rhythm, "We should stop." Kurt murmurs as he kisses along Blaine's jaw line.

"Yeh." Blaine uses Kurt's distraction to dive into Kurt's neck and kiss the sweet throbbing vein there, pulling the skin between his lips.

"Hey g-OH MY GOD! _Seriously_?"

They spring apart like they've been electrocuted, panting. Kurt's face is that adorable shade of red that makes Blaine wants to kiss him all over again.

Cooper is standing in the doorway with a smirk on his face. "Hey boys."

"Cooper!" Kurt squeaks, "We were _ah_ just..."

"I see." Cooper says, "Well carry on and don't mind me."

Blaine loves his brother most of the time, but he really, really hates him when he walks over to the counter and leans there with a knowing smile and just _stares _like he's suddenly realised his brother is there. Cooper pulls out his wallet and starts flicking through it.

"This isn't a show." Kurt Hummel's bitch face makes an appearance.

"Like I would want to see my little brother get it on with his boyfriend." Cooper rolls his eyes, "I was just looking for this!"

Blaine wants to die of embarrassment when Cooper presses a _condom _into Kurt's hand and holds his hand out for a high-five from Blaine.

Blaine leans against Kurt wearily. "I am _so _sorry."

Kurt turns wide eyes to him. "Tell that to my therapist. I'm going to need one." Cooper barks out a laugh and leaves the room with a wink.

"You're not the only one." Blaine groans.

There's a heavy silence. "Are you going to get one?"

Blaine looks up at those gorgeous blue eyes, watching them track his every move. "A therapist?"

Kurt presses his lips together and nods.

"I..." It's not really something he's thought about.

"I think maybe talking about all of this would help." Kurt says quietly, "but you don't have to rush into anything. It was just a thought."

Blaine lets his head rest against Kurt's shoulder, glad that he's the shorter of the two because there's nothing quite like being drawn into arms that can surround you completely. It's so hard not to feel safe in them.

"I'll think about it." He promises quietly, though privately he's not sure his parents will ever agree to the idea.

"In the mean time," Kurt's biceps are so strong Blaine has to press a kiss against them as his boyfriend talks, "you can always come to me."

"Thanks."

"You know, there's nothing quite like Cooper to kill the mood."

"Remember that time you told me he was the most attractive man in America?"

"Shut up."

OoOoOoOoO

Burt Hummel must have some sort of _Kurt-sense _because he appears in the kitchen not long after and hustles them off to bed. _Separate beds. _Blaine's slightly disappointed, because he wants Kurt to love him right now. They've spent so much time in the last few weeks talking or hugging or crying that he's starting to go stir-crazy.

Is it that much to ask that he can make just one happy memory in amongst all this hurting?

OoOoOoOoO

He can't do this. He can't.

The room is dark, except for the sliver of yellow light from the street lamp outside. The window is closed but the curtains don't cover it completely and Blaine can see the branches of a tree moving outside, shifting with the wind? Or something more?

_No. Don't do this Blaine. _

There's a rustle from somewhere within the house. Finn turning over? Cooper uncomfortable on the couch? Or someone discarding a jacket by the door?

_Close your eyes. _

The problem when you close your eyes is that your ears decide to work twice as well and the wind outside is sweeping leaves up on the street. It is wind. It's not someone's footsteps.

_Stop it. _

His eyes sneak open again and they look around the room. He can see the dark shadow of his bag, resting against the wall, there's an innocent table beside the bed. There is space between the wall and the table for a person to crouch out of sight. If they wanted to, which they don't because no one is there.

_You don't need to check. _

He's not going to sleep until he does though, so he flicks the light on and looks around the room, then down the hallway each way, straining to see movement beyond. It's empty, just like he knew it would be.

_Just lie down. _

The clock is ticking. Rhythmically mocking his complete inability to do anything but stare at the ceiling and listen.

_Of course it is Blaine, it's always ticking. _That's what clocks do.

The clock is loud enough to distract him from most of the other noises, so he shifts, trying to get more comfortable. His moving body shifts the light in the room, casting new shadows where none were before. It was Blaine moving. It's not someone standing at the window.

_What if it is?_

He can't do this.

OoOoOoOoO

He slips through the open door without a sound and moves quietly to Kurt's bedside. His boyfriend is curled protectively over a pillow, surrounded by warm blankets.

He sits down carefully, pulls the covers back and slides beneath them. As he shifts closer he pulls Kurt's arm around him, snuggling closer to the embrace.

Kurt's eyes flicker open. "Blaine?" He sounds exhausted, but he's alert enough to pull his boyfriend closer.

"I can't." Blaine whispers, burying his face in Kurt's neck.

He doesn't specify exactly what he can't because, he just _can't. _

"Feel better?"

He nods and lets his eyes flutter shut. He needs Kurt.

"It's ok." Kurt says quietly. "I promise you're safe here."

Kurt doesn't say anything else, but instead curls his fingers into Blaine's hair.

He only remembers the soothing presence of Kurt wrapped around him. He doesn't even realise he's falling asleep.

- TBC -

_Thank you for reading. : ) Let me know what you thought?_


	9. Chapter 9

Summary: Eli stalks Blaine and in the aftermath of the most traumatic event of his life, Blaine finds himself alone, convinced it's all his fault. Blangst. So much Blangst. Spoilers 4.04. NonCon. Stalking.

TRIGGER WARNING: The following work of fiction contains discussions, references to or EXPLICIT depiction of: sexual harassment and assault, drug use (date rape), stalking, self-harm, rape, child neglect, homophobia, depression, anxiety, violence, bullying, coarse language, suicide, internalised self-hatred.

**A/N: **I'm sorry for the delay. I have had a strange, busy, oddly emotional week. It's been full-on. I'll spare you the details though. This chapter was for me, really hard to write, but we made it (yay!). Thank you so much for your support and likes and follows and just guys: have a virtual hug *hugs*

**The Home Without a Heart (Part 9)**

_It's been a long time since he's mattered, to anyone, to anything. It's just been a really long time. _

_There are days when he doesn't mind all that much, but there are days when he types facebook updates or text messages:_

Tell me I mean something.

Just need someone to hold me

Tell me I'm not alone.

_Then he deletes them, because he doesn't want to be that guy who posts his miserable life to his friends. He doesn't want to burden them with these feelings. Instead he flounders on the edge of some deep sadness and every time someone turns away from him the edge beneath him crumbles a little more. _

_He can't tell anyone why, because he doesn't know himself, but he knows it hurts, some deep-set pain that lingers in his flesh and beats with his heart. He spends so much time reaching for help and so much time wondering why no one grasps his hand. _

_So when he meets Blaine, everything changes. It's like he's a drug. Everything about him is intoxicating. He can't help it. Blaine's just perfect. _

_He's so full of life and energy. From the very first moment he saw him, he knew. Love at first sight always sounded like such a myth to him, but when he tapped Blaine on the shoulder and those captivating eyes locked on his he knew he was gone. _

_The heart wants what the heart wants and his swells whenever Blaine is nearby. He can't live without him. He loves him. _

_Do you know what it's like to walk into someone's arms and feel like you've come home? He does. It's warmth and happiness and the gentle hint of raspberry that welcomes you. It just is. _

_He counts that first coffee as their first date, because Blaine was so sweet, the way he offered his help and listened. The world is lonely and when people are always judging you, pushing you down for being who you are it's so hard not to crave the person who smiles instead of sneers. _

_They trade numbers, can you believe that? Numbers! He's never had a boyfriend before and suddenly Blaine is opening up to him. He feels wanted for the first time in his life. It makes his heart ache for more. _

_He never knew how lost he was until Blaine found him. _

_His mother walked out on their family when he was six, for some guy half his father's age. His father had been a drunk and Eli himself had struggled through drugs in his teens. He was arrested at fifteen for possession and his lawyers said he'd never recovered from the loss. He wonders how anyone could. _

The dark scares him and the house creaks like monsters are roaming the halls.

"Mama!" He shouts, "Mama!" She's saved him before, she always does.

"Mama, please!" Tears roll down his cheeks but no one comes.

"Mama!"

"Shut up, boy!" His father slams the door open, and stumbles against the wall. "Shut up, she ain't comin' fer ya, no matta how much yer whine!"

His lip trembles and he hurts, because he misses her with his whole heart and that's a _lot _of missing. It's all the missing in the world; he thinks He even wishes on stars that she'll come home.

He never stops missing her, but she never comes home.

_His father drank his way through a liquor store whenever he could, and Eli dreamt of getting out, of finding the warmth his mother had had. Blaine had that warmth, those beautiful brown eyes and the dark hair, and Blaine loves him back because he smiles more now that Eli is here, he even sent those little smiles in his messages. _

_He won't lose Blaine, because he remembers how much it hurts to lose something this special. Blaine will understand, he'll be thankful. _

_Eli just has to show him how wonderful they can be together. _

_He needs him to see, because he can't watch them walk away again. _

_He's not sure he can survive. _

_Stone hearts break less often, but he let Blaine in, gave Blaine the power to break him. He'll never regret it, because his heart looks right nestled in Blaine's careful hands. _

_He just wishes Blaine weren't so afraid to fall, Eli will catch him. _

_He'll always catch him. _

OoOoOoOoO

Sunlight streams into the room and warms his skin. A warm body presses close against his, curled against his, warm chest against warm chest.

_Home. _

"Kurt?" He lifts his head from where it was resting, tucked under his boyfriend's chin. Kurt's lips twitch up in a smile.

"C'mere." Blaine lets himself be pulled back into Kurt's embrace, burrowing into the blankets and trying to get as far into Kurt's physical space as possible. "Sleep ok, love?"

He did. It feels _good. _Kurt makes him feel safe, wrapped around him like a shield.

He hears the door creak open, followed by the whisper, "_Oh thank God." _

"Cooper?" Kurt mumbles, arms clutching Blaine a little closer. Blaine shifts, hears his brother give a sigh – _relief? Disappointment? Disgust? _

"Blaine wasn't in his bed." Cooper's voice sounds slightly strained to Blaine's ears, but he ignores his brother in favour of moaning his protest at the disturbance to his early morning snuggles. Without thinking, perhaps by habit, he reaches up to clasp the arm Kurt has pulled away from his back. He finds it before Kurt can check his phone for the time and pulls it back around himself.

"He's here." Kurt replies, and Blaine can almost see his amused smile. Dissatisfied Blaine whines, and tugs on Kurt's bicep a little harder until it reflexively holds him tighter.

He just wants to be held right now, needs it.

"Okay, okay." Kurt chuckles and squeezes him close. "I'm not going anywhere."

But he is, because later today Blaine will probably have to go back to his parents, and then he'll be alone.

OoOoOoOoO

Breakfast is a quiet affair, Blaine is still lethargic from a good night's rest, and strange as it sounds, he feels slightly vulnerable now that he's in someone else's house, like they might give him strange looks if he starts checking their locks. In lieu of making Burt padlock the front door, he clings to Kurt's hand as he half-heartedly eats his toast.

He lets Kurt disappear to the bathroom for a moment, but clutches at Cooper's shirt sleeve when he walks by until his brother sits in Kurt's empty space with a sad smile. The adults clean and Finn smiles awkwardly and tries to look interested in the newspaper, even though he's been on the financial news page for twenty minutes and Blaine is one hundred percent sure Finn would have no idea what any of the articles are saying.

"Would you like a drink Blaine?" Carole asks to break the silence. "Cooper ducked to the store this morning; we have water and juice, if you want?"

"Water is fine, please, Mrs. Hummel."

"Just Carole." She says as she sets a glass and the bottle in front of him. The comforting snap of the seal breaks the silence again.

"So what were you boys planning on doing today?" Burt asks, picking at his turkey bacon with distaste.

"Oh, well," Cooper starts, and Blaine lifts his head from where he was playing with the plastic bottle. "I guess I'll check in with the parents and see what the plan is."

Nothing surprising there, though Blaine doubts the plan is any different from what it usually is: _work, avoid Blaine, pretend._

Then Cooper turns to Blaine. "Then the prosecutor for umm...well I think he wants to meet with you."

Blaine feels a little sick, but he nods anyway. He assumes this means Eli's been formally charged with something. Has he been given bail? Is he wandering around somewhere?

Blaine's hand drifts back to Cooper's and he clutches at the fingers there. "Okay."

"We could start with a shower though," Kurt's voice sing-songs from the doorway, "Your hair is a mess."

OoOoOoOoO

_You're officially being ridiculous Blaine. Stop it. _

He eyes the shower stall with distaste. It's just; the Hummel's shower is combined with a bath. He's going to have to stand _in _the tub, even if it doesn't fill up.

He turns the tap on. _One step at a time Blaine. _The sound of water spraying on the floor isn't the most relaxing thing he's ever heard, but it's distinctly different to what he remembers.

He strips quietly, checks the door is locked and climbs in.

_Not so bad. _

He's been feeling disgusting for the past twenty-four hours, and it's so soothing letting the water roll off him and vanish, never to be seen again.

If only everything did that.

OoOoOoOoO

Kurt is throwing – well not throwing, more like _delicately placing_ - clothes on the bed when Blaine finally leaves the bathroom and drifts back to see him.

"Wardrobe crisis?" He smirks, as Kurt carefully folds a jacket and frowns at the new combination. Kurt looks up and gives him the _are-you-just-going-to-stand-there-and-watch _face, his blue eyes narrowing with mock irritation. "What are we dressing for?"

Blaine doesn't remember any special plans for the day.

"I was going to come with you to meet with the prosecutor, I mean, I can sit outside or whatever, I just. I want to be there for you." Kurt looks a little flustered, and Blaine can't resist the desire to drag him in for a hug.

"Okay." He agrees because he was wondering how to ask Kurt to join him anyway. Kurt gives him strength. "So what's wrong with the black jacket?"

"It's leather." Kurt sighs into Blaine's shoulder.

"Leather?"

"I don't want them to think I'm some kind of criminal, or a member of a gang."

Kurt is Blaine's most favourite person. He can't even describe it, so he just grins, nuzzles into his boyfriend's shoulder and waits for Kurt to work it out. He knows Kurt already has a back-up outfit in mind; he always does.

Something about the routine presence of Kurt makes the days a little easier to face.

OoOoOoOoO

After being stalked and harassed for weeks, it's a really, really strange feeling not to be. Kind of wrong but at the same time, it's freeing. Blaine feels like he's lighter than he has been in weeks, and he knows it's because he hasn't got his phone one him.

The police still have it, but his father has assured him he'll get it back by this afternoon. The prosecutors are meeting them at the station anyway, so they can deal with it all then.

Even though he's free, in a sense of the word, he's still weighed down by it. Haunted. Afraid that Eli will be there, waiting for him.

He locks the doors to the car himself, and when they get to the station, as Kurt's hand goes to unlock them so they can leave he seizes it.

"You alright kiddo?" Cooper asks from the front seat, making no move to leave.

"Just need a moment." Blaine whispers, and then squares his shoulders and lets go of Kurt's hand. He can do this.

Quietly, they enter the sliding doors and Cooper heads over to the counter, where a whispered exchange occurs. Kurt and Blaine settle in the waiting room.

"Hi Blaine," A voice catches their attention and he looks up to see Chelsea standing in the doorway. She seems pleased to see him. "You must be Kurt?" she asks with confidence, shaking their hands warmly.

"Kurt, this is Constable -,"

"Just Chelsea is fine." She says kindly, and then nods to Cooper. "Are your parents on their way?"

Cooper nods and motions to the door, where Yvette and Christian can be seen closing the doors to the car.

"Blaine, honey." Yvette kisses his cheek, pats Kurt's and then hugs Cooper before nodding politely at Chelsea.

"Okay then," Chelsea says. "This is quite a crowd." Her lips press together. "Perhaps a few of you should wait out here?"

Blaine wants to hug her for knowing that as much as he loves every person in this room he doesn't want them all crammed in with him whilst people discuss the finer parts of his _rape. _Kurt looks like he wants to protest, but Cooper pulls him down into an empty chair and Yvette collapses into another.

Christian smiles brightly and steers Blaine into the room behind Chelsea. She lets them into the witness room, which is cosier than he expected. There's a sofa, a table and three chairs arranged around it.

He chooses the chairs as his father seats himself and they pause for a moment. Chelsea returns with water and a plastic bag.

"This is your phone back, sweetheart." She says as she offers a form to his father to sign. "I want you to know that we haven't deleted anything from it, but all the evidence has been catalogued so you can if you want to."

It feels familiar in his hand, comforting. "Thanks." He whispers, and wonders if he'll look back on the messages before he deletes them. _If _he deletes them.

Spinning it in his hands he decides to leave it off, for now.

OoOoOoOoO

"Mr Anderson? Blaine?" A knock at the door disturbs them from their brooding silence. A tall man with a briefcase lingers at the door before striding in purposely and holding his hand out to them both in turn. "My name is Derek Hunter; I'm working on the case prosecuting Eli Chisholm."

Blaine nods jerkily, his father takes up the task of paying attention.

"So I wanted to just update you on the case, and how I see things going from here." Derek says calmly, pulling some papers out from the briefcase. "If you have any questions let me know?"

Blaine occupies himself with the edges of his sweatshirt.

"So, basically, we're charging him with: breaking and entering; attempted murder; attempted statutory rape; stalking; sexual harassment; and, possibly statutory rape. To be honest, the first count of rape is probably not going to stick, there's no physical evidence and the hearsay is dicey at best. No witnesses and evidence that Blaine responded to him around the time means that the charges are hard to prove, because we have an abundance of evidence in the other charges we're considering letting it drop and pursuing the more solid ones."

He responded and now it's his fault? His fingers twitch.

"And the likely result of the trial?" Christian asks quietly.

"We've got good evidence, eye witness accounts from the night itself. I'm confident we'll make the charges stick there." Derek says earnestly, he fiddles with the papers, "Now Blaine, this is where you come in."

He doesn't really want to pay attention at the moment, but he forces himself to look politely into Derek's hazel eyes like he's interested in the outcomes.

"You're probably going to be asked to take the stand."

He nods. _Of course he is. _This torture will never end.

"What? Why?" Christian looks upset, "Won't he plead guilty – you can offer him a plea bargain or something, Blaine's been through enough without having to stand in front of that bastard."

"Can I talk to you in private please?" Derek says to his father, and Blaine watches them both exchange glances before Derek looks pointedly at him. Excellent, it's probably good news.

_Sarcasm isn't becoming on you Blaine. _

When Derek leaves, Christian quietly excuses himself and Blaine sits in silence, alone.

"Blaine, honey?" Chelsea is at the door with a glass of water in her hand. "You look like you need some company."

She sets the glass in front of him and smiles. His hands automatically reach out to hold it, glad to have something to focus on

"Are you alright?" She asks quietly.

Blaine smiles. "I think one day I will be."

"That's a start." She says honestly. It's hard not to trust her. He sips the water quietly, watching her reaction. His fingers shake a little, but he does it. She doesn't react; she just squeezes his hand. Little victories matter the most.

"Chelsea?" Blaine looks up at her. "Can you tell me why he did this to me?"

To her credit, her smile doesn't falter, her face doesn't pale, and she doesn't fix him with a sympathetic smile. Instead she leans back in her chair and flicks her eyes to his doorway where they can see Derek and Christian talking quietly. His father looks angry.

"I don't think there is a reason why." She admits, "Some things just are, but it's important to remember that you have done nothing wrong."

"I know I just...what makes someone _do _that?" He spins the glass in his hands, over and over. It's soothing watching the water spiral with it.

Chelsea just smiles, pats his hand and stands the moment Derek and his father returns.

"I'll give you a moment."

She looks like she knows what's coming.

Excellent.

"It's bad news isn't it?" Blaine asks his dad quietly.

"Not exactly, it's just news." Christian slides his hand over Blaine's and for a moment he looks like a father, like the parent he's always wanted: soft eyes and a gentle smile and a warm comforting touch. Where was this man when Blaine was drowning under Eli's weight? "Derek thinks that it's likely Eli will plead not guilty."

"Okay," Blaine isn't really surprised by this information; he's watched enough Criminal Minds to suspect most criminals prefer not to admit to their crimes. Kurt always teases him because he thinks the guy who plays Reid is kind of hot.

"The defence has indicated that they might try to argue it was-" Christian looks tired to Blaine's eyes, when had his father aged so much? "-_consensual."_

His jaw drops, lips forming a slight oh shape but not quite voicing the word. "But it wasn't." He says meekly. It wasn't. He knows that. He made mistakes, but it wasn't consensual.

Christian nods, "I know. Maybe Derek can explain better?" He calls out to the lawyer, who is standing at the doorway trying not to intrude on the moment.

"Eli is a textbook case eroto-maniac." Derek says, his voice clear and steady, "that means he genuinely believed he was in love with you and you with him."

His stalker _loved _him?

"Mr. Chisholm's mother abandoned him as a child and his father was generally absent for most of his youth, he went between drugs and petty crimes for most of his high school career."

Blaine's mind is still stalling at 'his stalker _loved _him'.

"His lawyers are arguing he never fully recovered from the loss, he developed an emotional attachment to you the moment he met you and every interaction he interpreted as validation of that relationship. Blaine, to Eli, you were _dating. _He loves you and he has deluded himself into believe you love him back."

Not just loved, _loves, _his stalker _loves _him.

"The night he broke into your house he was under the belief you were pleased to see him until you professed your love for someone else." Derek looks down at his notes, "It's likely that they will defend his actions by saying he suffered a moment of insanity induced by the betrayal of his lover."

"Right." Blaine nods. "So, was there anything else you wanted to discuss today?"

"Well – I-? No?" Derek flounders as Blaine shakes his hand pleasantly, excuses himself and walks to the waiting room.

Kurt and Cooper are together, they both look up as he approaches and their conversation dies on their lips.

"You alright, bro?" Cooper asks, standing up and pulling Kurt with him.

"I'm great. Can we go?"

"Yeh? Yeh. Yes. I mean yes. We can go." Cooper hands the keys to Kurt and tells the he'll meet them in a moment as his father appears from behind them with Chelsea and Derek at his side.

"Okay." Kurt doesn't say anything as Blaine leads them back to Cooper's rental car but as they settle in the back seat, he chews his lip and watches Blaine.

"So did you see the Fall/Winter collection from Dolce and Gabbana?" Blaine asks, because he knows fashion is the best way to distract Kurt.

"Yes?" Kurt's eyes narrow suspiciously. Subtlety is apparently _not _Blaine's forte today.

"Did that gold embroidery theme kind of remind you of some of Valentino's work?"

"You mean that black dress with the gold overlays?"

"Yeh, it had patterns cut into the material."

"Oh _my Gaga, _yes!" Kurt hits the seat with an open palm, "I told Mercedes it was but she's stuck on the stereotype that all Valentino dresses _must_ be red! That's not to say I didn't like what they did with it, there were some stunning pieces."

Blaine let's Kurt carry on the conversation, which detours into the latest issue of Vogue rapidly.

It's nice to sit here and listen, because that way he doesn't need to think about the fact the his stalker honestly believed that they were in love, that someone who cared that much about him would snap and hurt him so badly.

He's not going to think about the fact that he sort of understands what it's like to be so lonely you just want someone to love you back.

He's not going to feel sympathy for this man. He's _not _thinking about this.

"Do you think your dad will mind if I stay another night?" he asks quite suddenly. "I don't think I can go home right now."

Kurt smiles, "You know you're always welcome Blaine. Anytime."

His stalker, his rapist, loves him, and Blaine feels sorry for him.

He doesn't even know how to deal with this right now, so he bunches the emotions up and shoves them away.

OoOoOoOoO

"Blaine are you alright?"

"I'm fine."

"It's just," Kurt hesitates, "you've been scrubbing at that pot for fifteen minutes. I think it's clean."

Blaine looks down at his hands; they're red and wrinkled from the water. _Not clean enough. _"I didn't notice."

"Oh Blaine." Kurt moves to hug him but Blaine brushes his arms away, wipes his hands on the Hummel's dish towel and leans on the counter.

"Can we not do this right now?" He asks quietly, "Please, I just need to not think about it."

"Okay." Kurt is the most wonderful human being on this planet. "A movie?"

"Grease?"

"Only if you don't mind me singing along."

"Never."

Kurt doesn't sing along though, at least Blaine's pretty sure he doesn't, because not five minutes into the movie he closes his eyes to block out the thoughts in his head and Kurt just lowers the volume and runs his fingers through his hair quietly.

He lets himself pretend that everything is fine.

- TBC -

_I'm sorry if I haven't responded to your review yet – don't worry I will soon. I love and appreciate every single one! :)_


	10. Chapter 10

Summary: Eli stalks Blaine and in the aftermath of the most traumatic event of his life, Blaine finds himself alone, convinced it's all his fault. Blangst. So much Blangst. Spoilers 4.04. NonCon. Stalking.

**TRIGGER WARNING**: The following work of fiction contains discussions, references to or EXPLICIT depiction of: sexual harassment and assault, drug use (date rape), stalking, self-harm, rape, child neglect, homophobia, depression, anxiety, violence, bullying, coarse language, suicide, internalised self-hatred.

**A/N: **Sorry about the delay! Christmas was busy as always but now that it's over I should have time to finish this off. A few more chapters to go. We're getting close to the end! : ) so I wanted to say thanks so much for reading so far.

**The Home Without a Heart**

It's six days between meeting the prosecutor and Blaine summoning the courage to finally return to his own house with his own parents.

Walking back into the house still feels wrong, but he's a little stronger this time because Cooper sticks to his side the whole time as they gather his things. He needs more clothes given he won't be back for a while. His parents have rented a small house in Lima while he gets some distance from it all. He's not sure what that means exactly, but he feels better about being removed from it all so he goes alone with them quietly.

It's not like he _can _get distance from all of this. What Eli did, it wasn't to this house or to his bedroom or to his dining table or his clothes, it was to _him. _He carries it wherever he goes.

Distance is not something he's going to get by walking.

OoOoOoOoO

It takes almost twenty minutes to wade through the facebook posts made to him by his friends.

Apparently news of the home invasion has broken amongst them somehow and whilst they all seem to know he's been physically assaulted by the perpetrator they all remain blissfully unaware of the real truth. He's not sure how he feels about that.

On one hand, it's a lot like lying. On the other, he's not sure he needs to attention.

There is one thing though. There's nothing from Eli.

It's not much but it is something.

He can't bring himself to delete those messages though. Deleting them feels too much like moving on, and he's not sure he knows how to do that now.

His phone remain silent on his dresser. He doesn't turn it on. Not yet.

OoOoOoOoO

His mother hugs him like he's been gone for weeks when Cooper finally manages to convince him to leave his bedroom. Then she ushers him into the dingy little kitchen that looks like it could do with a good scrubbing and serves him roast vegetables and chicken.

He wonders why she's using he good china for a simple meal like this, then he realises she's got her best jewels on and she's wearing a soft but stiff smile she reserves for his father's business partners.

He's never felt more like a guest.

He's not himself anymore, he notes, she doesn't know him so she's doing the only thing she does.

OoOoOoOoO

Wes and David visit him most days. They never speak of the reason why he's not at school anymore, or why his family is in this house that his mother hates and his father moans about.

Instead, they insist on taking him out of the house.

The Lima Bean, it turns out, actually _has _released the baked cheesecake Wes and David insist they came home for. So they drag him out to test it one Sunday afternoon and argue over the merits of changing the line.

Wes says it's an awful idea, "it's not familiar, the regulars will get confused."

"It's cheesecake Wes, what's not to get?" David snipes back, swirling whipped cream with his spoon.

"It's baked." Wes points out, "the usual kind was just refrigerator set. I'm just saying. Why did they need to bring an oven into this?"

"You don't like change do you, Wes?" Blaine asks lightly, setting aside his own empty plate.

"That's why he can't shop at discount stores." David sing-songs.

"And here we thought it was because he had fashion sense."

Wes hits Blaine arm lightly, "I'm a man of mystery." He adds seriously, fixes them both with a stern glare and then complains to the waitress that the new cheesecake wasn't what he wanted.

OoOoOoOoO

Blaine doesn't think about it.

Well he tries not to.

But he does, every time he sees his phone. Every time he has to shower. Every time someone's fingers brush over his bare skin.

Distance.

He can't get distance from himself.

OoOoOoOoO

Eli's preliminary hearing is tougher than he expects. He doesn't attend it himself, because well _why would he? _

The waiting for news about whether or not Eli will be walking the streets on bail eventually drives him to beg for one night at Kurt's place. One night in his boyfriend's arms.

OoOoOoOoO

It's Cooper who argues his case in the end. There's a hushed phone call that he hears over the television and then Burt appears and tells them quietly to leave the door open. Kurt gives him a warm smile and tugs at his hand. His parents have evidently decided to let him stay the night.

"Come on, let's go upstairs?"

Blaine heaves a sigh and lets Kurt lead him by the hand upstairs like he's a child. He's fine until he sees that Cooper has set all his things on Kurt's desk. His wallet, his keys, his tiny tub of emergency hair gel and his _phone _sit there waiting.

His fingers ghost across it before he turns it on. He is vaguely aware of Kurt standing behind him, stock still, barely breathing, _waiting. _

The phone starts singing away the second the wall paper loads. It clatters to the floor.

_Arms grab him from behind and he doesn't move. _

"Get away from me." He pleads.

_The arms stiffen..._and release.

"It's okay, it's okay sweetheart." Kurt backs away quickly presses himself into the wall and gives Blaine space to stoop to the floor and pick it up again. He blushes slightly as he opens his messages. There's nothing from Eli, just texts upon texts from the Glee Club, the Warblers, Keith who works in the Lima Bean (_and is –for the record Wes – a huge fan of baked cheesecake_), his Aunt Edith and Uncle James, the phone company reminding him to pay the bills by next week.

He looks up at Kurt and his heart lurches, his boyfriend has tears in his eyes, "I'm sorry Blaine, I – I just thought you needed a hug, I didn't –you usually don't mind and you keep – I mean I should know better! You keep switching between wanting contact and not wanting it and I don't know what I'm doing and I don't know what to say and _Oh God _I'm rambling. I'm sorry, I'll be quiet. I'm shutting up." Kurt pushes his thumb into the palm of his left hand, wringing them together.

Blaine sort of hates himself right now because he _has _been completely unpredictable and Kurt has been so patient. "I'm sorry." He admits, making not move any closer.

Kurt laughs a little, "You shouldn't have to be. He was the bastard, he should be sorry."

"Yeh well we all made mistakes." Blaine is aware of all the things he did wrong, all of which are reasons Eli's case might slide by a Jury and never meet justice.

"I didn't mean to dump you." There's guilt laced in every word. _Yes you did. _

"But you did."

"I – I'm sorry. I wish I had of listened-,"

Blaine's laugh is so bitter, _oh God why is his mouth saying these things? _"You and every-_fucking_-body else! God Kurt! I tried to _kill _myself because I thought at least – at least if I was dead I wouldn't _know _I was so alone." He kicks the table and it shudders under the force. "And it's all my fucking fault."

"You did nothing wrong!" Kurt's cheeks are flushed, "_Nothing." _

"I should have stopped him! I should have gone to the police! I should have -!" His chest is heaving, and he's angry. _Really angry. _Angry at Kurt for not getting it, angry at his parents for not protecting him, angry at Eli, angry at himself. "Forget it, it doesn't matter."

"Blaine, wait."

"I said: _forget it." _

He slams the door in his boyfriend's face and hurries down the stairs. He should have done something. He should have.

_Weak. Pathetic. Dirty. Used. _

He pulls the front door open, shoves past it and lets it bang back into the frame. He's not sure where he's going, he's just moving. Moving on.

He's going to move past this if it takes all night.

OoOoOoOoO

He's just rounding the corner when he hears someone pounding down the street after him.

"Blaine! Stop!"

"Go away Cooper." He pushes the hand off his shoulder and shoves his brother backwards.

"Okay, so I guess we're going for a walk." His brother is panting from the sprint.

"_We _are not doing anything." He picks up the pace, smiles internally at Cooper's groan as he struggles to catch up again.

"Blainers!" He grabs both of Blaine's arms and pulls him to a stop. Blaine adds his brother to the list of people he hates, where was he when Blaine was so alone? Where were any of them?

"Let me go." He hisses.

"No."

"Let me go!" It's a half shout; he shoves at Cooper's torso with as much strength as he's got. Cooper tilts back slightly, but draws him closer, wrapping his arms around him. "Let me go." He repeats, arms struggling. He just wants to hit Cooper so badly.

"Blaine I want you to listen to me ok?" Cooper says like his little brother isn't kicking at his shins with his bare feet. "No matter what happens, I am not leaving you. I am here for you. I'm gonna keep being here for you."

Blaine chokes, shoves at Cooper's arms, trying to dislodge them from their fierce embrace.

"You are my little brother and I fucking _love _you, alright?_" _Cooper's arms tighten against Blaine's weakening struggle. "I love you and there's nothing that can take that away from you."

Not even Eli?

_Dirty. Used. Weak. Pathetic. _

"You are not alone. Not now. Not ever." Cooper holds his weight when his knees buckle, sinks to the ground with him slowly in the middle of the pathway.

Blaine lets himself be lowered to the concrete, and leans on Cooper's solid chest. Cooper is broader than Kurt, more solid. It's a different kind of safety, rather than the warm acceptance of Kurt it's sort of like being hugged by a Mother Bear. Cooper's strong arms feel like they might rip any threat apart. He lets them hold him.

They sit in silence, just there.

_He's not alone. _

OoOoOoOoO

He shifts against Cooper slightly; his legs are starting to fall asleep. Turning around so his back is against Cooper's chest he lets Cooper wrap his arms around him, feels his brother's chin resting the crown of his head. His pillow shifts slightly as Cooper breathes.

"So, do you want to tell me what this was all about?" Cooper asks quietly, shifting slightly on the hard ground.

"Kurt apologised for dumping me."

"I see."

"I guess I kind of told him it was all my fault anyway."

"And what did Kurt say?"

"Kurt said I'd done nothing wrong."

"And you think he was wrong?"

"Sometimes."

Cooper nods against his hair. "How come?"

"Well, if I had of told someone about Eli a lot of what happened...wouldn't have." That's true. Blaine can see how easy it would have been now.

"Maybe." Cooper muses, "But then maybe not. I mean, even now, with proof, it's an uphill battle finding justice. Looking for help doesn't guarantee that you'll find it." Cooper rubs his arm soothingly. "But I hope in the future you do try to ask for it anyway. I want to help."

Perhaps Blaine _could_ picture his father scoffing at his _condition _and blaming his boy troubles on the fact that they are _boy _troubles. His father is a homophobic ass sometimes. He smiles a little. "I guess."

"I mean it you know?" Cooper continues, "I want to help."

Blaine sighs. "You and everyone else."

"We're like Mother Hens aren't we?" Cooper cringes.

"Except you." Blaine admits, "I can never tell if you're trying to help me or Kurt because you're not _pointing at me." _

Cooper groans and shoves him playfully, "I am _never _going to live that down am I?"

Blaine giggles and pulls away from his brother's embrace, "I'm sorry, are you talking to me?"

"Oh my _God, _shut up!"

Blaine barks out a laugh in return, and scrambles to his feet to avoid Cooper's hands. Scrambling along the footpath he lets Cooper chase after him for a few meters before turning and seizing him in a hug.

"Thanks Coop."

"Anytime little brother."

"I guess we have to go back now."

"Kurt will forgive you, he understands."

"That's kind of problem, I mean, why I freaked out." Blaine shuffles his feet, glances away from Cooper's eyes, can't look at his brother. He blushes.

"What is it Blaine?"

"I think I _need _someone to."

"To what?"

"Understand."

Cooper looks a little lost, so he holds out his hand and when Blaine grasps it he squeezes gently. It's the best his big brother can do and he appreciates it just the same.

OoOoOoOoO

They walk home in a companionable silence, Cooper's hand holds his and he's thankful the streets are empty because he can't handle seeing people when he's feeling like this. They slide through the door to find Burt sitting on the sofa with an expectant look on his face.

"Everything alright?"

Blaine takes a deep breath, "I'm sorry Mr. Hummel. I shouldn't have run out like that."

"Probably not, but if it makes you feel better you're welcome to do it every day." Burt fixes him with a stern gaze, "and son, we've discussed this. _Burt. _You can call me Burt."

"You're turning into a broken record Mr H." Cooper notes brightly as Burt rolls his eyes.

"You two were gone a while." Carole says quietly from the doorway, her eyes track between them.

"Yeh, sorry about that, we got to talking." Cooper adds.

"Coop took a while to make his _point._"

Cooper makes an indignant but wordless protest before turning to his little brother, index finger pressed to his chest, "Careful baby brother, or I'll start sharing _your _embarrassing moments with the class."

Blaine just smiles, before he turns to the staircase and leaves them there. It's time he and Kurt actually spoke about this.

OoOoOoOoO

Kurt is wiping the last remnants of a green facial mask off as Blaine knocks against the open door.

"Can I come in?"

Kurt nods, watching him quietly before pulling another cotton bud out of the packet and wiping at his forehead.

"I wanted to apologise for before. I shouldn't be treating you like this and I'm so, _so sorry. _You have been nothing but perfect and I'm sorry."

Kurt drops the bud in the bin and stands, moving closer. "Honey, I love you." He smiles as he takes both of Blaine's hands in his own. Blaine's skin warms instantly. Relief swells up within him. "I just wish I could help you with all of this." Kurt bites his lip, "I worry I'm not doing this right and I'm making it harder on you." Their foreheads rest together.

"You're making it so much better." Blaine whispers, "I can't even put into words how much you mean to me."

"Then how about this: I'll forgive all your mistakes as we try to deal with this and you forgive my complete inability to know what to do?"

"Sounds fair."

Blaine pulls Kurt in closer and Kurt's arms wrap around his neck. "Blaine, can I ask you something?"

"Hmmm?"

"What do you need? I mean...I spend so much time trying to think of ways to make this all easier and I'm mean the best I've got is a motivational repertoire of support songs to serenade you with."

"You made a playlist didn't you?"

"I refuse to answer that Mr. Anderson." Kurt smiles down at him and presses him backwards until they're both seated on the bed. "Seriously though?"

It's awkward, even if it's your best friend, your boyfriend when you're trying to phrase the best way to talk about the most traumatic event of your life. Blaine simply shrugs a little, and glances away. He remembers making a promise to himself to talk to Kurt about this properly as he walked upstairs so he squares his shoulders and fixes his eyes on Kurt's knees. "I think I want someone to understand, but I'm not really ready to explain it yet."

Kurt's rests his head on Blaine's shoulders. "Okay."

OoOoOoOoO

Cooper takes him back to his parent's house mid-morning the next day after Carole fusses over him at breakfast and Kurt kisses every inch on skin on his face.

OoOoOoOoO

He walks into his room to find a stack of pamphlets on his bed.

Each one lists the contact details of a separate support group for victims of sexual assault or stalking or both. Groups for teenagers, for men, for anyone. Church groups that are LBGT friendly, non-denominational ones that had a long list of support networks.

Attached to them is a little post-it note.

_Maybe we don't understand. But I swear to God I'll find someone who does. Hope this 'points' you in the right direction. _

He laughs before he goes to find Cooper and just smiles brightly at him and offers his help with making lunch.

OoOoOoOoO

He's not drowning anymore. He's not there yet. Sometimes, he can't handle it. Late at night he wakes up with nightmares and shouts until Cooper bursts in the door with a bright blue lightsaber.

He stares at his nerdy brother for a moment before he starts laughing at Cooper in his sweatpants, waving the glowing stick high like he's actually going to defend Blaine with it.

He drifts back to sleep with a smile on his face and almost cries with laughter when it comes out three days later than Wes and David had provided an 'emergency nightmare kit' for Cooper.

He doesn't mention it but he hopes for his mother's sake that they left the fake spiders out this time. His poor roommate had never been the same after Blaine's nightmares from the Sadie Hawkins.

OoOoOoOoO

He gets two sets of good news the same day. Eli is denied bail. Blaine is free from disease. The tests come back negative.

Relief crashes into him and bowls him over. He's with Kurt when his father texts him the good news. He just sits there staring at it for a moment and then he starts to cry. Good tears. Happy tears. Cathartic tears.

Kurt just smiles when he reads it over his shoulder and then pulls him into his arms.

Sweet kisses turn into desperate kisses. Light touches to passionate ones.

They wake tangled in sheets, bodies pressed close.

It's all so perfect.

Everything seems to settle back into place.

Then his father tells him he's going back to school on Monday and the world crashes down again.

- TBC -


	11. Chapter 11

Summary: Eli stalks Blaine and in the aftermath of the most traumatic event of his life, Blaine finds himself alone, convinced it's all his fault. Blangst. So much Blangst.

Trigger Warnings: sexual harassment and assault, drug use (date rape), stalking, self-harm, rape, child neglect, homophobia, depression, anxiety, violence, bullying, coarse language, (attempted) suicide, internalised self-hatred.

**A/N: **I'm so sorry for the delay. I was distracted by Christmas/New Year. I hope everyone's holidays were lovely!

**The Home Without a Heart (Part 11)**

Monday morning comes faster than he wants it to. He's not ready for this. He's not. It's only been three weeks since Eli broke into his house and he's _just not. _

He's slowly coming to terms with the idea that it wasn't his fault – _slowly, _and yes admittedly he's stopped crying every time he looks at his phone, but that's not closure. He just needs a few more days. Just until Thanksgiving is over. He can do that, can't he?

"No Blaine, you're going back to school."

Blaine deflates over the kitchen table, "I'm not ready."

"Blaine, it's been a few weeks. I can't let you avoid dealing with this forever." His father sighs and sets aside his paper. It makes his son feel slightly inconvenient.

"I'm not avoiding it-,"

"Yes, you are. You're going. End of discussion." Christian takes a swig of coffee and checks his watch. "Now go get dressed, Finn is going to drive in with you today, don't make him late."

"Right."

Blaine doesn't eat breakfast. He's not really hungry.

OoOoOoOoO

The thing about going through something big and traumatic and terrifying by yourself is, well, you're by yourself.

Blaine's world has shifted off its axis and re-written itself on a completely different track; he looks at people through new eyes, distrustful ones, but everyone else? They are just the same.

There's no one waiting for him at the lockers as Finn shuffles off awkwardly to chase up some Glee thing. He takes a moment to himself to just look at the chaos of books and notes.

He hasn't opened this locker since _before. _

That's why there's still a note sitting there like there used to be. This one is new, but he knows it's been awaiting him for weeks.

_I'll see you soon, babe. Xx_

He picks it up with trembling fingers, reads it carefully. He reminds himself that Eli is in jail for the foreseeable future. Then he thinks of Chelsea laughing at the text messages, accusing Eli of getting them from Google and he looks at the note critically.

He will see Eli soon. He'll have to face him at the trial.

He closes his eyes and lets himself have the moment, lets the ache exist. Then he carefully folds the paper, slips it inside his diary to give to Chelsea later and moves towards his first class: _maths. _

He carries it with him all day, but it's just paper but it weighs him down anyway.

OoOoOoOoO

Tina fusses over his return and Brittany hugs him a few too many times and the Glee Club does a welcome back song that leaves him feeling a little warmer, but it's also really frustrating, because whilst they are reaching out no one really _cares _about what happened to him.

At least, that's the way it feels when the song is over and Kitty is complaining that Marley's dress is particularly unflattering today.

His life is radically different but the world has kept turning in his absence.

He wants to grab someone and make them see it, but he doesn't know how.

OoOoOoOoO

He doesn't participate in classes, but he goes to each and everyone and diligently makes notes like the French Revolution and differential calculus are actually relevant to his life.

They aren't.

Why don't schools teach actual life lessons? Blaine would have appreciated a little more _how to defend yourself from stalkers _and a lot less _derive x-squared. _

He feels the need to let out steam by the end of the day, but however tempting boxing might be, he's not sure he can do it. Standing in the empty gym seems a little vulnerable now.

OoOoOoOoO

Kurt is waiting for him in the parking lot, sitting with the door of his Navigator open, feet swinging just above the ground, eyes fixed on the phone in his hands.

"Hey." Blaine whispers when he gets close enough, Kurt's head snaps up and a smile spreads across his lips. "I missed you today." He opens his arms for Kurt and it takes only a second for his boyfriend to stand up and dart into them.

"You missed me?" Kurt smiles as he presses a soft kiss to his forehead, "I missed you more."

"Impossible." It really is. Kurt was such a source of strength at the school. He felt lonely today, because there was no one who understood, who _knew. _

Kurt pouts before pulling Blaine's arms up around his neck and leaning down a little, "Nothing is impossible, Blaine. You taught me that."

In order to reach Kurt's lips Blaine has to press himself up on his toes and wrap his arms up over Kurt's shoulders to keep his balance, but it's worth it when their mouths crash together in a slightly sloppy kiss because it says more than words, and feels infinitely less corny.

When he pulls away to breath he can't help but let out a breathy laugh, "that was beautiful Kurt, you should write a chick flick."

"Oh please," Kurt shoves him gently, and directs him to the passenger seat, "we both know that was worthy of Broadway. If you're lucky I'll cast you as an extra."

Blaine's tension melts away, "If _you're _lucky I'll make time in my schedule to see it."

He's missed this, this casual joking and laughing.

It makes the fact that the doors are unlocked a little easier to bear. It makes it easier to ignore the truck that's followed them for four streets and that pedestrian who's staring at them as they pass.

Kurt makes things easier.

OoOoOoOoO

Monday nights is spent with Kurt, wrapped in his arms, breathing in freedom. Kurt sits behind him on the bed and peppers him with kisses whilst he tries to fight his way through his homework.

Cooper appears around seven with a bag of Thai and they eat tangled on the sheets.

Every minute Blaine doesn't think about Eli gives him strength.

OoOoOoOoO

Kurt sets aside the Thai after a moment. "So," He starts casually, and Blaine's heart drops. He knows Kurt well enough to know something is coming, "are you going to tell me how your first day back went?"

Blaine sighs. What is he meant to say? _It was great but no one knows I was raped and stalked and drugged and I have absolutely no closure on the issue_?

"Blaine?" Kurt looks worried, so Blaine reaches down to his bag and passes the note he found in his locker to his boyfriend, trying not to watch as Kurt's nimble fingers unfold it. "I don't understand?" Kurt admits, his forehead wrinkling with worry, "what is this?"

"Eli sends them sometimes." Blaine's finger has a spot of black ink on the nail, he absent-mindedly rubs at it with the pad of his thumb, "I guess it's been sitting in my locker for a few weeks."

Kurt takes a deep breath, "and you just find them? God, what is wrong with him?"

Blaine watches Kurt as he sets the note aside, out of sight for the moment and realises that despite talking about how he's coping _now _he's never really explained what happened, beyond the bare details of his first rape.

"Blaine, I-," Kurt takes his hands and Blaine waits patiently for Kurt to find the words, "I want to ask you about some of the stuff that's happened but I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

"Why?" He's hesitant; people have been pestering him for gossip most of the day.

"Please don't judge me? This is really sappy, even for me," Kurt whispers, "but I was kind of thinking about all of this, and I realised that the thing that helps me most when something happens, the thing that helped me most when I went to Dalton that day and met you, wasn't telling someone what happened or having them try to fix it. It was you." Kurt bites his lip and blushes slightly, if Blaine weren't desperate to hear what Kurt is trying to say he'd be kissing those cheeks.

"Me?"

"Yeah. You acknowledged me, what I'd been through. You...you made me _feel_ like someone cared."

"Kurt you do that for me."

"I know, I just-," Kurt snuggles forwards, letting Blaine slip under his arms as they lean against the headboard of the bed, "I just think you might feel better if instead of telling someone what happened, you told them how it made you feel."

"I don't know-,"

"That's okay; you don't have to say anything, at your own pace."

"_Kurt," _Blaine whines into Kurt's chest with a grin, "If this is going to work you need to let me finish my sentences."

Kurt giggles a little, "Sorry love, go on."

"I don't know how to explain it."

"Oh." Kurt cards his fingers through Blaine's hair and they sit in silence for a moment. He wonders if Kurt is still waiting for him to respond.

"Remember watching _The Strangers_ last week?"

"Yes?" Kurt doesn't move and Blaine confirms that he has his boyfriend's attention before resting his head on Kurt's chest and speaking to bedspread instead.

"Well you remember that feeling, when you're watching a horror movie and the hero hears something outside, so they unlock the doors to see if it really is something, and it could be nothing, but it could be something?" Blaine lets his fingers trail over the pattern on the sheets, "and you want them to go back inside because they've left the front door wide open and someone is probably slipping into their house whilst their back is turned?"

Kurt doesn't make a sound.

"So they go back inside and lock all of the doors and you just _know _that someone is right there in the dark watching them." Blaine continues quietly.

Kurt nods gently against the top of his head.

"It's that feeling, Kurt." Blaine whispers, "Except it's all the time."

Kurt's arms wrap around him and just hold him but Blaine can't stop now that he's started.

"I thought I was going crazy, but after a while I was just...you notice things you know? There's a roadside assistance guy who parks his van at the end of the street every day to have his lunch. I never noticed him before, but now I do." The pattern on the sheets zigzags across their legs. "But now...I just feel like I'm a ghost in a world full of real people."

Kurt arms tighten around him, but Blaine doesn't move, he just lets Kurt hold him, and it's nice, to know that someone is trying to understand.

"People keep asking why I didn't stop him."

"Oh honey," Kisses light and swift press against the crown of his head.

"I just...I don't know how to make them understand that even though it was scary and awful and maybe it was obvious it was going to accelerate...these things, they weren't against the law until you add them all together. They were _love _letters. If you had of sent them I would have-," _Is he seriously going to start crying again?_

"I'm here love." Kurt whispers in his ear.

For now, it's enough.

OoOoOoOoO

Somehow Blaine drifts through the week. Thanksgiving passes with a feast at the Andersons rented house. The Hummel-Hudsons join them and the families somehow manage to get through it without a single argument.

Blaine slides back into the role of polite son and loving boyfriend.

Talking to Kurt helps him more than he realises, and often he finds himself curled in between Cooper and Kurt just talking.

Eli's strength over him wavers.

OoOoOoOoO

His parents force him into counselling with a psychologist. Doctor Holly McNamara isn't unpleasant, in fact she's quite nice, but he still feels awkward about it.

She encourages him to try one of those support groups for teenagers.

He doesn't, but he finds strength with Holly anyway, and whenever he leaves the appointments feeling strung out and weepy Cooper or Wes or David or Kurt is standing there with a coffee and a hug.

Wes and David take the true story of what happened with the same grace they did the news of the Sadie Hawkins, but they still argue over baked cheesecake and gavels, so some things never change.

OoOoOoOoO

In mid-December the Andersons return to their actual home, and it takes three emergency appointments with Holly before he can sleep in his own room.

His father changes all the locks on the doors and has a professional security system installed.

He feels safer.

OoOoOoOoO

Derek keeps in touch about the progress of the trial. Jurors are called up and selected in January. Tina finds Blaine curled up in the Choir Room trying to find the strength to process the fact that a court date has been set.

She folds him into her arms and listens as the story pours out, months after the event and still not anywhere close to ending. He asks her to tell the entire Glee Club to spare him the heart ache of repeating it and then he calls Cooper and spends the rest of the day reading scripts for some new comedy that's having auditions.

Cooper's acting hasn't improved, but it makes Blaine cry tears of laughter anyway.

OoOoOoOoO

February arrives in the blink of an eye, and it passes even faster. Exams and appointments with Holly flutter by. Kurt flies between New York and Lima also every week, trying to balance his internship and being there for Blaine, and Blaine is sure that his father is paying for the flights, because they're not cheap at the last minute – he knows that from the last time he went there.

Cooper disappears to LA more than once for auditions and a two week stint to film the next Free Credit Rating Commercial.

Wes and David return to college, assuring him they've been keeping up with classes online. They send him emails every other day filled with random assurances and David takes to spamming them both with baked cheesecake recipes.

It's funny only because it drives Wes insane.

OoOoOoOoO

Blaine wakes up one day, thinks of Eli quite by accident, and realises it doesn't hurt so much anymore.

OoOoOoOoO

He's doing well, until March 18, when Derek calls to tell him hell have to take the stand tomorrow.

Blaine hasn't been to any of the trial, doesn't want to, isn't allowed to, but his father goes some days and comes back angry and upset and drinks a tall glass of scotch mid-afternoon.

He calls Kurt immediately, knowing his boyfriend is back in Lima for the trial and together the collapse onto the couch.

"Are you okay Blaine?" Kurt whispers after they've been huddled under a fortress of blankets for over an hour.

"I'm terrified."

"He can't hurt you."

"It's not that." Blaine bites his lip and burrows in Kurt's shoulder, melting into the warm embrace, "What if seeing him brings it all back? Makes me scared again?"

"You've defeated him once Blaine, you can do it again."

Blaine wishes he believed it the way Kurt does.

- TBC -


	12. Chapter 12

Summary: Eli stalks Blaine and in the aftermath of the most traumatic event of his life, Blaine finds himself alone, convinced it's all his fault. Blangst. So much Blangst.

Trigger Warnings: sexual harassment and assault, drug use (date rape), stalking, self-harm, rape, child neglect, homophobia, depression, anxiety, violence, bullying, coarse language, (attempted) suicide, internalised self-hatred.

**A/N: **_I'm am so sorry for the delay. Basically I'm now coming to you from a different time zone! And I have internet again! Also...I apologise in advance. You'll know why soon. Love you all!_

**The Home Without A Heart Part 12**

The room is quiet, and despite the sounds of footsteps echoing outside he feels strangely isolated from the rest of the world.

Blaine shifts slightly, and Kurt squeezes his hand a little tighter. "Honey?"

Blaine looks down at his suit. Grey, with a white shift and no tie – _don't look too prep school, we want them to think of you as one of them – _and sighs quietly. "You don't think I should have gone with the black jacket?"

"No, the black was too formal." Kurt has been replying to this question all morning, but it's really bothering Blaine, so he keeps asking anyway. "Derek wants to present you as approachable; he doesn't want the jury to stereotype you." He doesn't say it, but Blaine has no doubt he's referring to Derek's offhand comment that the prosecution has been labelling him as a spoiled prep kid with a pathological need for attention.

He sighs, runs his hands over the jacket and looks up at Kurt again, "Maybe I shouldn't wear the jacket?"

Kurt bites his lip, "Would you feel better that way?"

"Yeh. Yeh I think so." He twists around in his seat until the suffocating jacket is gone, he feels a little better as the cold air hits his arms.

"Okay then." Kurt reclaims his hand. Blaine knows he's lingering on the edge of saying something more.

"You look lovely sweetheart." Yvette is on the other side of the table, clutching her purse where it rests on her knees.

He tries to control his trembling. His father and Cooper are sitting in the Court Room, and Kurt and Yvette will be right here in the witness room when he gets back. Both of them have already testified but he didn't go to see them. He wants to keep his contact with _him _as limited as possible, and Derek won't let him attend anyway.

Maybe he should put the jacket back on, what if it's cold in there?

He turns around and picks it up again. His mother sighs audibly, and his fingers still. _Stop it, Blaine. _

There's a knock on the door and Blaine jerks physically as Derek appears, with a briefcase and rests it on the table. He looks positively predatory for a moment, then smooths his features and smiles brightly at Blaine.

"Ready kid?"

Blaine feels a bit like throwing up, so he just stares at him and reaches blindly for Kurt, who is wrapped around him in a heartbeat. Blaine's fingers are actually trembling, his whole body shivers. _God he needs his jacket. _

It's not the cold though.

"Deep breathes, Blaine." Kurt reminds him gently. "Come on, with me."

Kurt's chest moves against his back and Blaine follows the direction. _He's going to throw up. _

In.

_He's going to pass out. _

Out.

_Kurt's here. _

In.

_Eli's there. _

Out.

_Stop thinking. _

In.

_..._

Out.

Kurt rubs his arms gently, and then Derek opens the door and tells them he'll be called in a moment.

"Just look at Cooper." Yvette tells him quietly, "Coop's right there. You look at him and ignore everyone else honey."

_Look at Cooper. _

"Okay." He says faintly, and lets Kurt haul him to his feet. A gentle kiss is pressed to his forehead, and then some stranger is leading him down the hallway.

_He's going to throw up. _

-.-.-.-

The whole room is silent as he makes his way to the stand, fingers clutching at each other to control the trembling that's threatening to overtake his entire body.

There's a rushing sound in his head as he fixes his eyes firmly on Cooper, suddenly outrageously glad that his older brother is wearing a bright orange tie. It's easy to find him. Either side of Cooper Wes and David are sporting more subtle clothes.

He takes an oath to be truthful, and then Derek's footsteps echo as he appears in front of him.

"Blaine?"

He looks up at Derek and tries to remember all the things he practiced with him yesterday.

"Can you tell me today if you recognise the defendant?"

Blaine knew this was coming, but having to draw his eyes away from Cooper and Derek is a big task, it seems insurmountable, but he has to. With a deep breath, he turns to the right, and folds in on himself.

Eli is there, dressed in a deep blue suit, hair neatly brushed. Eli's eyes are soft as he looks back, a smile graces his lips as the move, mouthing words: _Hi baby. _

"Umm, yeh." He looks away, unable to hold eye-contact. Cooper's tie catches his eye again and he stares at it as he replies. "That's Eli."

"And how did you meet Eli?"

"In the Lima Bean," Blaine whispers, ignoring Derek clarifying for the jury that it's a coffee shop in Lima, "I put cinnamon in my coffee sometimes and the jar got knocked over, Eli helped me clean it up."

He risks a glance back at Eli, who's staring him down with calculating eyes now, he looks confused. _God why didn't he wear a jacket? _He feels so exposed, he curls down again, slouched in the chair. He wonders if he's actually going to have a heart-attack from the pounding in his chest. It's starting to hurt a little bit.

He suffers through Derek's questions: _what happened, how did it make you feel, was it consensual? _He makes his quiet answers, so quiet that Derek asks him to speak up more than once. The Judge is a elderly woman with a kind face, she smiles at him encouragingly when he glances at her with apologetic eyes.

Maybe he can do this, if he doesn't look at Eli again. Derek is calm, keeps him on topic and waits patiently for his answers. Cooper smiles at him when he can, and Wes and David give him encouraging nods. He pretends he's just talking to them, thinks of Kurt and his mother waiting for him.

He counts down the minutes. He doesn't cry, he's strong, but he knows everyone can see him falter. Every time Eli shifts in his peripheral vision Blaine clutches at his chair. His knuckles are starting to turn white as the defence attorney stands up.

She's pretty, with a grey pencil skirt and expensive looking blouse. Her red hair is swept up behind her head, but her eyes are calculating.

"Hi Blaine, my name is Kimberly."

Even as the soft words spill from her lips Blaine is hit with the mental image of a shark looking for blood in the water.

"Hi," He offers in return. They'd tried their best to prepare for this moment, Derek had warned him to keep calm, but her saccharine voice made him a little nauseous.

"So Blaine, let's start with a little about yourself."

Blaine's eyes track to Derek and he nods uncertainly. "Okay?" He offers again. This is new territory, but he smiles politely because that's what he's been taught to do, even though it's clearly hesitant.

"What's your sexual orientation?"

"I'm gay." He's out and proud, and they _have _already interviewed his boyfriend. Why is she bothering to ask?

"And you've been out for how long?"

"Ummm...I guess a few years. I think a lot of people had guessed before then. Most people knew by the end of my junior year." It had been a process, it wasn't like he'd just posted it on Facebook and let everyone know. He'd come out to his friends, to Jay, then his brother, his parents, and somehow the whole school along the way. Then he'd gone through the whole process again at Dalton.

"And your parents know?"

"Yes."

"And they weren't happy about it, were they?"

"Objection!" Derek flies out of his seat, "Your Honour, I think we've suffered this asinine small talk long enough."

"I'm making a point, I promise."

Blaine glances up at the stern Judge, she leans forward and says sternly, "Make it fast, and reword your question Miss O'Donolley, we're not in the business of asking leading questions."

"Of course, Your Honour." Kimberly turns back to Blaine, with a smile, "Blaine, perhaps you could tell us how your parents initially reacted when you confirmed you were gay?"

Blaine really didn't want to share that story with these strangers, he hasn't even told Cooper what happened exactly. He bites his lip.

"Please answer the question."

"My mother cried." He whispers.

"Why do you think she did that?"

"She told me she wanted a normal son." He can't look at Cooper or his friends. He just stares at the table.

"I'm sorry to hear that," Kimberly says, "I'm sure I'm not alone in wishing she had been more supportive."

Blaine shrugs.

Kimberly nods disinterestedly, "and your father Blaine, how did he react?"

"He told me he'd get over it."

"Right." She nods. "We'll come back to that in a moment. You claim that my client continued to contact you without your permission."

"Yes." He tries not to look at Eli, fixes his gaze steadily on Derek who nods encouragingly.

"Did you ask him to stop?"

"Yes."

"When?"

"I met him for coffee, I told him to stop."

"You voluntarily met with a man you claim was stalking you?"

"I wasn't sure...I mean...I didn't really understand what stalking was then."

"How convenient." She purses her lips.

"_Objection, _Your Honour, please!"

"I'll retract that." Kimberly adds quickly, and Blaine wants to scream at her. She doesn't believe him. The Jury has heard her speak anyway. He feels a little sick.

"So moving on to the first _alleged _rape." She stalks back to stand in front of Blaine. "What can you tell us about that night?"

"The coffee Eli bought me made me sick. I passed out."

"And when you came to?"

"I-," His voice chokes and he has to remind himself to breathe. He's made this statement before. "I was in a motel room."

"And your condition was?"

Something pitched as whine escapes his throat; he doesn't want to discuss this.

"Take your time Mr. Anderson." The voice interrupts his thoughts and he glances up at the Judge, but immediately regrets it. His eyes pass over Eli and his heart thunders in his chest, muscles tensing as he sees the older man leaning his chin on his hands, gazing up at his with a half-smile.

_He's going to throw up. _

"You condition Blaine?" Kimberly prods.

"I felt awful, and...it hurt." His voice cracks, he can't look at anyone, his cheeks flush with the embarrassment of having to admit it.

She nods. "You mean to imply that you had been sexually active the night before?"

"Yes."

She smiles a little, and Blaine hates her some more as she carries along, "Did you see my client at any time?"

"No."

"So the last time you saw him was at the coffee shop?"

"Yes."

"You had a boyfriend at the time?"

"Yes, Kurt."

"We've met," She informs him. "What did you tell him about this?"

"I told him I'd cheated on him." He hates himself too.

"Why?"

"I thought – I didn't really – I guess I thought r-rape counted as cheated."

"Of course you did." She says snidely. "Retracted!" She adds hastily as Derek leaps to his feet again, face red with indignation.

"Perhaps you should conclude this line of reasoning and move on." The Judge instructs as Kimberly returns to her desk, sits there on the edge, forcing him to look in Eli's direction. Eli looks back. He winks and Blaine narrowly avoids his eye line.

"Let me clarify then: you met a man in coffee shop. You knew he was gay?"

"Yes."

"And he knew you were?"

"Yes."

"So, two gay men meet in a shop, trade numbers and then agree to see each other?"

"Yes."

"You have a night together that you can't remember and never actually _see _my client?"

"Well – I – there was-," Blaine wants to throw up, his arms wrap around his torso.

"And then you tell your boyfriend you cheated on him?"

She doesn't need an answer, so Blaine just stares at her, mouth hanging open slightly.

"Let's move on then shall we?"

They cover the next few weeks, the _romantic _gestures, the night Eli snapped. She makes Blaine admit he was talking about Kurt when it happened.

Every question makes him slip into his chair a little further. When she finally declares her questioning over he can't move for a second. His eyes find Cooper again. There's not a glimmer of doubt in Cooper's eyes. Someone believes him. He trembles in his place as Derek stands to help him up. From the looks of the Jury none of them do.

She just tore him apart.

"Blaine?" The voice calls out form the court room and everything deadens to silence. "Are you okay honey?"

Blaine can't breathe; the voice is smooth like honey, dripping over him, sticking like blood. Derek's hand on his arm can't bring him back to Earth now.

"No! LEAVE HIM ALONE!"

A crash echoes across the room and suddenly there's movement everywhere. Derek has physically hauled Blaine out of his seat, and despite the fact that his legs fail him; he's hidden behind Derek's back before he knows what's happen. Someone in a security uniform has a firm grasp on his arm.

"HE'S MINE!"

Blaine lets the security officers pull him back as the bailiff wrestles Eli back into the chair. From over Derek's shoulder he can see Kimberly collecting her papers from the floor where Eli has knocked them over. Her calm facade is breaking.

"_Blaine!" _It comes out as a gasping sob.

Blaine is done. He _needs _Kurt right now. He shoves the well-meaning officers away and runs, bursts through the door and sprints down the hall. The door gives way to his weight and he stumbles into the Witness Room.

His mother looks up and takes in his tear-stained cheeks. She busies herself opening a packet of tissues.

"Kurt?" He gasps, searching the room.

"I'm here, love. Right here."

Kurt's there.

He almost tackles him, wrapping around the slender boy, clinging.

Kurt lowers him to the ground and they sit.

Blaine remembers how to breathe.

OoOoOoOoO

It's probably not long after that Derek appears; he crouches in front of the boys and offers Blaine a glass of chilled water and a block of chocolate.

He takes the water. He can't eat right now.

"I know it doesn't feel like it, but what happened? That was the best thing for the case."

No one says anything. Instead Cooper appears, novelty tie noticeably missing and Wes and David ruffle his hair. Then Christian appears and they walk to the car.

Blaine sleeps on the way home. He wakes to find Kurt curled against him.

OoOoOoOoO

It's Wes that explains that the case was going poorly. Kimberly had done her job well. The Jury had been tipped to deliver a _Not Guilty _verdict.

Blaine had just been a foolish boy trying to keep him unaccepting parents happy.

Then Eli had shouted across the courtroom, given one Bailiff a broken nose and been dragged away crying.

The case was anyone's game.

OoOoOoOoO

He skips school the day of the verdict. Kurt picks out his outfit because he's too nervous to do anything. Derek seems worried, despite the smile on his face, and his father drinks two shots of scotch before they leave.

It's ten in the morning when they arrive in the courtroom.

Kurt's hand entwines with Blaine's and their fingers crush into each other.

He takes a deep breath as the Jury appears; the foreman is a young businessman. He looks right at Blaine as they walk in.

_What does that mean?_

Cooper's hand curls around his right arm, Kurt leans against his left. His parents sit either side.

Surrounded by people, Blaine tries to keep breathing as the slip of paper passes between the Judge and the Jury.

Her face betrays nothing.

There's a beat of silence. It's no long, but it's long enough for Blaine to wonder if the people around him would be enough to protect him if Eli is set free.

"Sir, have you and your fellow members of the Jury come to a decision?"

"Yes."

"And it is unanimous?"

"Yes."

Kurt's fingers tightened again. Their knuckles are white.

- TBC -


	13. Chapter 13

The Home Without A Heart (Part 13)

**Summary:** Eli stalks Blaine and in the aftermath of the most traumatic event of his life, Blaine finds himself alone, convinced it's all his fault. Blangst. So much Blangst.

**Trigger Warnings:** sexual harassment and assault, drug use (date rape), stalking, self-harm, rape, child neglect, homophobia, depression, anxiety, violence, bullying, coarse language, (attempted) suicide, internalised self-hatred.

Masterlist or Fanfic

_Author's Note:_

So this is **almost **the end and I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has been reading this. It's been a great journey with you. You are the reason this little oneshot become something more. Thankyou, from the absolute bottom of my heart. There are not words for how much your support means to me.

This chapter, and the whole fic really, is dedicated to a woman named Chelsea. I met her once, spoke to her twice and will never forget her name.

Finally. I am so so so sorry that I have taken so long updating. This fic is my baby and I needed this last chapter to be right. There's an epilogue as well which I will hopefully finish editing soon.

**The Home Without A Heart**

_Do you remember your first boyfriend or girlfriend? How you met? The things you'd say? Things you'd do? Do you remember loving them so completely the mere thought of another was too foreign to bear?_

_Perhaps you remember wishing you had that guy or girl from the stories? The one who was perfect and romantic?_

_Eli Chisholm was that guy. He met a boy in a coffee store, and he loved him. He loved that boy so much he did all of those things – made those gestures -, and then the object of his affections led him on, rejected him and decided it was rape _after _it become apparent his existing relationship was not salvageable any other way. _

_Instead of admitting to a youthful indiscretion, Blaine Anderson has decided to drag the good reputation of this man through the mud. There were no witnesses to the alleged rape, no proof or complaints about the contact Eli maintained until Anderson's disapproving, homophobic parents discovered the course of events. _

_Now I'm not saying that I would have done anything different were I in Mr Anderson's shoes. It's can't be easy defending something you have no control over to your parents._

_Wouldn't it just be so much easier to say you didn't want that boy to love you? Because if it's Eli's fault then Blaine can pretend his father isn't ashamed of him and that his mother isn't embarrassed that it's a boy sending him those love letters, but ladies and gentlemen, that doesn't make it right. _

_It wasn't right of him to invite Eli to dinner in his own home and then to taunt him with stories about his renewed relationship with Kurt Hummel. Eli loved Blaine, poured everything he had into that relationship and is it really any wonder he snapped? Attacking a boy isn't right, but neither is provoking one. _

_Eli loved Blaine and he couldn't handle the thought of losing him. He suffered a mental blackout, but he regrets what he did. You've heard him speak about Blaine. I remind you what he said, when I asked him how he felt about Blaine now, even though he's on trial. You heard him say it._

_ "I love him. I will always love him."_

_That's a beautiful sentiment, so ask yourself, wouldn't you just die a little if your lover did to you what Blaine Anderson did to Eli? Can you honestly say you wouldn't throw a punch or two?_

_Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury, I am not asking you to take pity on the defendant. I'm not even asking you to even like Eli Chisholm. All that I ask is that you uphold the law, that you convict him if, and only if, you are sure beyond _all_ reasonable doubt that this man is guilty. _

-.-.-.-

**"**Will the defendant please rise?"

Eli stands tall, but despite the fact he should be watching the jury, his head is turned to the side, eyes fixed on Blaine where he wilts into Kurt's side, clutching at the other boy with desperate fingers.

For each charge, the Judge reads the details, and the Foreman replies.

_Rape?_

"Not Guilty."

Blaine doesn't move, feels Kurt tense beside him.

_Stalking?_

"Not Guilty."

There's a mild panic bubbling under Blaine's skin, because he's suddenly imagining his future and it looks so much like his past.

Fear fills him.

_Breaking and Entering?_

"Not guilty."

There's a whispering in the court room. Blaine takes a deep breath, eyes screwed tight. He holds to air in his lungs and waits.

"On the count of the attempted murder of Blaine Anderson?"

The Foreman takes a deep breath and announces carefully. The word echoes in Blaine's ears. Blaine can't help but pull Kurt closer, clutching his way up his boyfriend's arm. "Kurt?" He whispers quietly.

"I'm here."

He repeats the words in his head like a mantra. _Oh God. _Is Eli going to get off?

"Guilty."

There's a hissing noise beside him when Cooper lets out the breath he's been holding in slowly. Blaine whimpers slightly and Kurt tries to shift to hug him but Blaine can't bring himself to let go of his arm to let him.

OoOoOoO

He doesn't speak as the proceedings wrap up, all he can do is stare at Eli, who has dropped all pretence and turned to face him. Their eyes meet across the room, around all of the people bustling between them, past the guards who are putting the elder back in handcuffs.

He's suddenly struck by something he hadn't noticed before.

Eli smirks at him, and though he can't hear the words, Blaine reads his lips clearly.

_Three Years. _

Three years for attempted murder and aggravated assault.

No conviction for the other charges due to failure on the prosecution's behalf to substantiate the charges.

_Three years. _

He retreats back into his mind, and barely notices as Kurt and Cooper pull him away and down the hallway.

The words echo in his mind, over and over.

_Three years. _

OoOoOoOoO

He lingers on the edge of something more, floating between the fridge and the television like something will draw his attention, spark him back to reality.

Instead he finds a strange restlessness that won't go away no matter where he sits or what book he picks up.

Six half watched movies kill the rest of the day, and then he sits alone in the dark until he's too tired to stay awake.

OoOoOoOoO

Sleep is broken by noises he's never woken to before. The rustling of the leaves outside stir him awake.

The creaking of the floorboards as Cooper slips upstairs to check on him for the third time.

Blaine used to dream.

Now he wonders if he'll ever have the chance again.

OoOoOoOoO

In the hollow light of morning he stares up at the ceiling and remembers the hard carpet beneath his skin and the heavy weight of another pressing him down.

Blaine doesn't cry, but when he breathes in deeply his imagines the ache beneath his lungs lessens just a little.

He tries to hold his breath as long as he can.

But like all things in life, he can't hold onto this.

He breathes out.

OoOoOoOoO

Even though it's not _really _over, it feels like distance builds.

Every day that takes him further away, brings him a little closer too.

_Three Years. _

That's not very long.

OoOoOoOoO

Kurt is there as often as he can be, but eventually he drifts back to New York and then Cooper gets an audition in Toronto for a supporting role in a small sitcom.

Blaine finds it harder without them for a long time, but the Warblers drop by and Sebastian even sends a selection of upbeat sheet-music like it'll solve his problems.

OoOoOoOoO

It hurts. _God. _It hurts so much to keep trying to move on.

OoOoOoOoO

_Dear Mr Anderson, _

_We are pleased to confirm your acceptance into the program at NYADA. To finalise your -_

He stops reading so he can call Kurt.

OoOoOoOoO

Someone makes a rape joke at school.

Blaine smiles tightly and wonders if he has the right to be offended. He doesn't even remember _it. _

Kitty breaks a jock's nose that day.

He laughs until he cries.

OoOoOoOoO

"Aren't you excited?"

"For what?"

"_Graduation!" _

"Kurt, do you remember complaining about poorly laundered polyester blends this time last year?"

"Oh honey, if there's anyone on this planet who can make poorly laundered polyester blends look good: it's you."

OoOoOoOoO

Blaine isn't convinced he does make it look good, but _God _does it feel good to finally make it to this day.

He spends longer than he should wondering about all the times he almost quit before he got here.

OoOoOoOoO

_Coop, _

_So I made it! I'm finally in New York!_

_I just…I'm sorry I don't even know what I was going to say next. This is so amazing. _

_I feel like I'm chasing my dreams again, Coop! Kurt is here, he's making sure I get to class on time and Rachel's new boyfriend keeps stealing my hairgel. You wouldn't believe what happened yesterday…_

_…I was just going to call to tell you this, but you were complaining the only mail you get is junk. _

_Hope this is a nice surprise. _

_Blaine. _

_P.S. I went home last weekend and Mom had bought _six (_Six!) kinds of coffee for me at the airport. I think she misses me?_

OoOoOoOoO

From: Cooper [Tues. 23 Sept. 6.33pm]: Put Nair in your hair gel. He'll stop taking it.

OoOoOoOoO

_Hi, you've reached Kurt and Blaine – AND RACHEL! – 's voicemail! We can't come to phone right now. You know what to do!_

"Hi Blaine honey, your mother's asking after you again. Would you give her a call? I think she wants to talk about your plans for Thanksgiving. I – uh – We miss you."

OoOoOoOoO

He finds the box of letters underneath his bed over Christmas.

He sits there quietly until his mother comes looking for him, her eyes soften when she sees them spread across the floor.

"I thought you threw them out."

"I couldn't."

She sighs, and then sits beside him. "Why not?"

"I don't know how to let go."

Her lip trembles.

"Mom?"

"Yeh sweetie?"

"I'm sorry."

She takes him in her arms and they are quiet for a moment.

"You were so brave, Blaine." The lines on her face are more defined than they were back then. "You are so brave. I owe you an apology."

His brow furrows, confusions wonders on his face.

"I was afraid." She whispers against his curls, then she pulls away a little to run her fingers down his cheek. "You look so much like your grandfather sometimes."

"Really?" He's never heard her speak of him.

She just nods, and then she smiles a little wistfully and says, "He was a good man too."

She tells him about her father.

OoOoOoOoO

Later that day he finds the courage to move the box away from him room. He leaves it in the attic.

It might not seem like much, but it makes it easier to sleep that night.

OoOoOoOoO

"I want a dog."

"I've already got one."

"What does that mean?"

"I have to feed you and comb you and tire you out or you jump on the furniture."

"Just because you're a cat person!"

Somehow they compromise with a pet fish when Rachel moves out to live with the hair gel-fiend.

Blaine still doesn't like him.

Kurt tells him to get out more.

OoOoOoOoO

He's six floors up in some flashy corporate building for a job interview with a recording studio when someone calls his name.

"Blaine!"

He turns to see a friend from NYADA hurrying down the hallway to see him.

"Sorry to scare you!" There's a light-hearted laugh, "I bet I had you confused! You haven't been here that long and you already have a stalker!"

Blaine's smile tightens a little but he keeps walking and breathing.

OoOoOoOoO

Sometimes, on the way home from work or classes, Blaine finds himself standing in front of the little jewellery shop with brilliant silver engagement rings.

It takes him six weeks to decide the perfect one doesn't exist, not because he and Kurt aren't meant to be, but because they aren't something someone else will ever understand.

He raises the idea that night as Kurt snuggles into his side.

Kurt laughs with delight and secretly confides he's been looking too.

They go shopping together and instead of finding the perfect ring. They design one instead.

OoOoOoOoO

It's two years and three hundred days before Blaine wakes up one morning, with Kurt pressed against his side and he thinks of it.

The thought, he notes and he traces patterns on Kurt's skin, doesn't hurt quite so much.

He breathes in.

He breathes out.

Then he kisses his fiance, makes breakfast, and goes on with his life.

—- _FIN —-_

_Epilogue to come!_


End file.
